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Shelby, perhaps you could lie a little. When you call APS tell them your mother would be upset to know that you made the call. Maybe they could just say it is a follow up from the ER visit. This way you would get no blame for contacting them but you do need to do it ASAP.
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NotGoingToTell - It's so sad to read your story, but thank you for signing up and sharing it. Since reading Shelby's post a few days ago, I did some research on kids and teenagers being forced to become caregivers for their parents. Surprising, this happens more often than we think - I read that about a quarter of the kids who leave school early do so to take care of a sick family member. It should be considered child abuse in my opinion or at least unlawful child labor, but apparently it's not.

Usually it's a single parent, and the big concern is what will happen to that child if the parent dies. I think an equally big concern is what will happen if the parent lives. Your story illustrates that dilemma so well. How can a young person start her own life, go to college, get married, find a career, when a sick parent is depending on her and she's already indoctrinated into the caregiver role? I am so sorry this happened to you. I hope that Shelby finds help and a way out so that her life is not taken over by her mother's needs.
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A few of her ER nurses did think i was in college once and my aunt from out of state has been wiring us the money for monthly bills but she says that if we have not moved to her house (In Florida) by July then she will cut us off. My mom actually went to the casino with this months money and lost it all so i really dont know what we're going to do (We already pawned my laptop last month which is why i have so many typos, I'm writing this on my phone) to pay the rest of our bills. I do think l might call APS monday if someone could tell me the full name so I can find the number. Im hoping they can maybe keep me somewhat anonymous if I do call. I really dont want to tale care of her forever, i want to study abroad and Ive always gotten honor roll until this year. Its scary to call them about my situation but its scarier to think that this is all my life will ever be.
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Shelby, Adult Protective Services is part of the state government in the Department of Human Services. They will want to know who you are but will not tell your Mom. All people that report remain anonymous. Ao, it could be a neighbor, a friend, a teacher, hospital staff, almost anyone.
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Shelby, your aunt in Florida must have a lot of money! That is extremely nice of her to financially support ya'll. If your aunt were to learn that your mom went to the casino and lost this month's money, it would be cut off immediately most likely.

You need to tell Adult Protective Services and Child Protective Services about this when you contact them on Monday.

The Illinois Department of Children and Family Services has a youth hotline.
on their site

http://www.state.il.us/dcfs/index.shtml

The Illinois Department on Aging's Adult Protective Services has a website with a 24/7 hotlilne.

https://www.illinois.gov/aging/ProtectionAdvocacy/Pages/abuse.aspx

Maybe the Adult Protective Services and Child Protective Services for your area contact information can be found online as well as in the telephone book.

I'm sure you will call when your fear of thinking this is all your life will ever be becomes much stronger than your fear of making the call. People often don't reach out for help until the pain of their problem becomes greater that the pain of having to ask for help. Make the call at least by Monday if not earlier since both state agencies have 24/7 hotlines. They do keep calls anonymous according to what I read on line. That should make you feel better about calling.

With all of the money lost to your mother's gambling, you are in an even worse crisis than we were aware of earlier in this discussion. That's a good reason to call as soon as possible.

BTW, given your age, I guess you just finished your freshman year and this is your sophomore year in high school. Am I correct? How have your grades been this year while going to night school? It's the grades that you make while in high school and your SAT score that determines where you can apply to college. Your families financial situation and any money you may have determines how much money that you can get to help pay for you to go to college. I hope you can make your study and work dreams come true, but right now you must make sure that is a real possibility for you.
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Shelby, this is heartbreaking...your mom actually needs a guardian because she does not have the judgement to make her own decisions let alone make decisions for you. You have had the courage to reach out for help, even though it would make you mom upset and "hate you," but reaching out is the right thing because the situation cannot go on like this. If your mom stays in charge you will both be homeless in short order, and if she can't manage the money I would also bet she can't manage her medical care - in short what is going on now is no good for either one of you. If you were in Arkansas I could tell you to get in touch with a place called Sheriff's Ranch to help secure your own future, and basically you would google Adult Protective Services and the name of your county, state, or town and there would be a hotline number. If you have a school counselor, you can ask them for it and they might even make the call for you, or put you in touch with a social worker who could give you additional options for help. Tell them what has been going on - tell them the truth - please don't be afraid or guilty, because even though she doesn't want it or recognize it is necessary, your mom needs someone to do things to secure her future and yours, since she clearly can't do it herself.
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Shelby, I have some random questions.

Is there another computer in your house or apartment that you can get online through?

Is there a payment for rent or home mortgage due this month?

Are any of the monthly bills on autodraft at the bank?

Is there any extra money in the bank that would help get you through this month?

When did your mother go to the Casino?
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Do not drive your Mother to the casino! Your Mother is beyond your ability to care for and needs professional help or she will destroy two lives. Please make that phone call Monday morning and do not look back.

Should she need a trip to ER before other plans are made....please, please tell them you are unable to care for her at home. Be honest and give your age. Being a loving, caring daughter does not mean giving up your future. God bless!
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Ive only been in night school for two weeks, but so far Ive made A's on my assignents which the principal said was expected as my freshman year i went to a college prep private school and got A's and B's (including Chinese as a foreign language) but i feel like thats being overshadowed by my night school and the fact that I'll have to do summer school. We dont have a bank and my mom went to the casino yesterday. We had already paid rent and I'm sorry but I feel like i cant just refuse to drive my mother somwhere, shed probably try and take the car herself. We dont have a baml account or extra cash but my aunt is sending the minimum dor the rest of our bills (I had to lie obviously and I do feel bad) but yes she has a lot of money. But, yes I'm a sophomore and I'm trying my best to get back to where I was, I've always wanted to go to college.
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Shebly, are you saying that your Mom cashes her checks at the casino since she doesn't have a bank? Or was your Mom trying to raise more money gambling? If the latter, where were you while she was in the casino?
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Shelby, that's one reason why you should not be taking care of her. Because you're a kid, and as your Mom, she has the power to make you do whatever she wants, even things that are not in her or your self-interest. When you move to Florida to be with your aunt, will your aunt take care of your Mom or hire caregivers for her so that you can go back to school full-time? If so, then making that move should be your first priority. Does your aunt fully understand the situation with your mother? Will she help you make the move happen so you can dig yourself out of this role with your Mom and get back to living like a teenager and high-school student? You obviously need a lot more help than you're getting now, even with your aunt's financial help. Hoping things start working out for you.
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Shelby let the air out of one of the tires when she wants to go to the casino.
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While I agree that you do not need to be taking care of your mother, I don't think you need to focus on moving her to Florida, but on calling CPS and APS in the morning.
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cmagnum - the reason I think the move to Florida is critical (assuming there's help there) is that I don't believe any govt agency will really step in and provide help. If I'm wrong about that, then I agree with you. But having researched the issue of youth caregivers a bit, it looks like nobody in power thinks this situation is unacceptable. At most there are nonprofit groups in some areas that provide tutoring, mentoring, counseling and occasional respite to youth caregivers in their local area. See for example this Florida group: http://www.cyppb.org/ Hope I'm wrong and Shelby comes back to tell me so.
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PRESSURE ULCER. BED SORE? Alone, These are dangerous, not to mention other issues. MIL got one in 4 days...It hit the bone, which took over a year to heal with one or 2 weeks of intibiotic drips in her arm for an hour, twice a day. Tell mom it may be best if she had professionals to care for this wound in a place that can easily manage that. Calmoseptin is the barrier cream that is supposed to be very good and help prevent bed sores, not heal them, but prevent. Look into this. get help, and tell mom your are not capable to heal this ulcer....she needs a expert in ulcer care.
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I am wondering what state lets students withdraw at age 15? That should have been a red flag to the school and they should have stepped up and investigated this.

You are between a rock and a hard place. Do you have the parents of a friend that you can rely on. You are basically the head of a household and you still need care, yourself.
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I am a foreigner and do not understand how a 15 year old can drop out of school in these circumstances without being referred automatically to Child Protection. The child is fifteen. The mother is mentally ill and physically disabled. What the heck is going on that there hasn't already been meaningful intervention?

Shelby, the last thing I want to do is patronise you, but look at the legal implications here. At 15, you do not have the legal ability to consent to this living arrangement, or to be held responsible for your mother's welfare. It's out of your hands. I don't care what your mother has to say to you about it, the authorities have responsibilities to both of you. Take advantage of that.
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Ulcer sores and being diabetic? I answer things then read full post. Sorry, bad habit. I don't know much about diabetes, other than it seems to make sores not heal very fast... Being diabetic may make this pressure ulcer more difficult to heal. Do you have an air mattress that inflates and deflates? Is she on hospice? Did you ask about hospice? They can come in and evaluate her and your situation. If mom h=gets angry it's because she knows she is losing control. I bet she ws a very independant person. Just tell her youlove her, and tell her you need to take a 5 minute walk. Is there any kind of adult day care you can take her to to visit? Bingo?
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I don't know the legalities of removal from school, or homeschooling. I once watched an episode of Supernanny where two young teenage girls were required to home-school themselves online so their parents could both work full time without getting child care for their younger half-siblings, 3 preschoolers from their mother's second marriage. This was presented on the show as a tough situation but not a legal problem for the parents. So who knows?
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I saw that one, too, Carla - He** on wheels, if you ask me, but didn't you think there was some kind of background to the age gap between the siblings that didn't get explained during the programme? But I digress. It does seem to be the case that in the US parents who choose to educate their children at home get much less hassle from the authorities over it than we in the UK, for example, do - it's legally possible here, but my goodness if you make that choice as a parent our bureaucrats will make you sweat for it. It's viewed with extreme suspicion, whereas in America I get the impression that it's a comparatively common and acceptable option? Maybe that's a false impression, I can't be sure.

But in any case, our OP says that he had to drop out of school to take care of his mother when she got ill; so I was astonished that the school he was at didn't investigate the reasons for his leaving and take it from there. How come?
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All we had to do was have my mom sign a slip that said my mom is homeschooling me and they didnt pursue the matter. And my aunt plans on helping when we move but I dont think she quite knows what shes going to be getting into and my mom gets the money from walmart when my aunt wires it then goes to the casino. My counselor discouraged me from dropping out but she coukdnt stop me so thats what we did. No one has mentioned hospice and at the momenty mom either sleeps on the couch or in my bed. I live in Illinois for anyone who is wondering and thats what I thought CarlaCB, so many adults and doctors, principals, teachers, my landlord know of my situation but no one seems to think its as critical or difficult as I do.
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Shelby, your Mom isn't in need of hospice because in your original post you said your Mom could recover in 2 years from her illness.

I am still curious where you are when you take your Mom to the casinos. Are you on the casino floor with her? Or do you have to wait elsewhere?
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I wait at a panera bread a mile from the casino
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I originally stayed in the casino lobby but they began noticing that I was there for hours on end and told me and my mom that I couldnt do that anymore.
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CM just to clarify the homeschooling here in the States. Anyone can do it and there is virtually no supervision at least in our part of NYS. As long as you send in the lesson plan at the begining of the year and fill in the accomplishments at the end there is no checking. You can find all kinds of lesson plans on line and join with other groups of parents and share plans etc. Even exams which are supposed to be independently monitored in the home are often supervised by the parent. One kid I knew satisfied her gym class with horseback lessons. Many parents are very dedicated and do an excellent job and the kids are better educated and get into good colleges and others???????
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Shelby, in some States, being left alone while your Mom was gambling would be considered child abandonment, or child neglect. I am really surprised that Panera bread would let you sit there for hours on end, but good for them for helping out. You and your Mom are lucky, in a way, that the Police weren't called.
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The minimum driving age in Illinois is 16. Emancipation age is 16, under special circumstances. Shelby, go back to the school and talk to the counselor about getting your emancipation.
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Well i order food and it isnt typically all that busy so I suppose they dont think to call anybody. But i know they could if they did know my age.
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Ive looked into emancipation, i have to prove i can have a job and save enough money to live on my own and go to school and there has to be serious abuse happening Im pretty sure. I dont know if I'd win.
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Is your Mom taking her meds for bi-polar? Is she bi-polar 1 or 2? It sounds to me like she is either not taking her meds or she is in need of another treatment course. Either way her thinking is distorted and paranoia is common with bi-polar episodes so is poor decision making (gambling is real common). The bi-polar might explain her refusal to have outsiders come in to help. If she were properly treated she would likely stabilize and think more rationally.

I would definitely talk to your principal or a trusted teacher and tell them what is going on, all of it. It's not ratting out your Mom, when she is doing better she will be grateful that you got help. Right now her thinking is off. Also if social services does get involved they are going to do all they can to keep your family intact.

This sucks and you don't deserve such a rotten deal but it can get better. I pray you reach out. Your Mom will hate it at first and she might say awful things but that won't last. Deep down she loves you and wants what is best for you she just needs help before she can do the things she needs to.
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