I'm sure this will be controversial to some, but our family is divided on this topic. Mom is 90. She was a very independent person, active in church, used to teach line dancing at senior centers, loved her sweets, loved doing family gatherings with lots of food, and loved the freedom of jumping in her car and going anywhere she wanted to go. That was 4 or so years ago. Diagnosed with dementia/Alz and can no longer drive. Has diabetes and can no longer have sweets, Cooking and eating are now basic limited and she gets no enjoyment from either. She has talked for more than a few years that she is ready to 'go home'. Her typical day is to go to mass every morning, after which she comes home and sits in her recliner. Gets up for lunch (usually a sandwich), then goes back to the recliner or goes to lay down, repeat at supper, and then to bed. She has several of us who are in and out, providing 24x7 care. One sister insists that we push to keep her "healthy", and closely monitors everything she eats and drinks. Another sister is more inclined to give her whatever she wants, but after years of this same routine, she rarely asks for anything different. Personally, I would prefer to tell her to forget all the rules and do whatever will give her some joy. Want Maple Nut goodies? Here is the bag, go for it! Want to go take a walk on the beach. Let's go! Want to turn on some music and dance? Big band or country! Bottom line, what is the purpose of life if not to live?
Go for the gusto. That's my take on it.
* I know you didn’t ask for advice, but isn’t this a case of honoring our differences ?
The "healthy" sister probably feels she's doing the best she can, and is sincere and needs to be respected for that. But if there's a question between eating and drinking healthy, given your mother's age and her inevitable decline, I say let your mother do what she wants.
She's lead a vibrant, diversified life; cherish her for that, and remember it as she declines. That's probably how she wants to be remembered, so do what you can now to contribute to that. It might also be the approach for the "healthy" sister - continue to provide good care but don't monitor it as closely, unless the Alz has created a tendency to eat inappropriate things.
Perhaps your sister can segue into a different outlook to realize that it's more important now to cherish your mother in ways other than nutrition, that it's one of the most worthwhile things you can do for your mother to support her in her last journey.
But it's also important to support your "healthy" sister so she doesn't eventually feel that she wasn't careful enough in her monitoring efforts.
After my father died and I began cleaning out his house, I realized that there were so many adaptations he made that I didn't understand, and the so-called professional caregivers didn't either. They didn't realize that he had tools on the table b/c he needed them to open things, or that his clothes were in piles b/c he couldn't stand alone long enough to hang them up.
I wish I had the insight to recognize this while he was still alive; it would have eased his last days and months.
Unless healthy sis has guardianship, she has no standing to insist on deciding what mom gets to eat or drink. That is MOM's choice.
My mother always says "You know, if I quit taking my insulin, I'd be dead in a week'. I just say "yep, is that what you want?" No, it's not. She wants attention.
You can have some sweets, and as much music and joy in your life as you like. Mother keeps a countertop covered in candy and cookies. I don't know how well she monitors her diabetes and I don't care. She's 90 and is she wanted to eat chocolate all day, I'd say nothing.
When there is no joy in MY life, I hope I go pretty fast! What's life w/o chocolate?