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I am sure she is mad/ the stage of grief where she knows things have changed permanently without her husband and so she is mean/mad. Understandable but hard to be on the receiving end.
There is fear behind that too, People who are verbally abusive often are fearful so they try to be bossy to feel a sense of control.
I think reaffirm yes it is an awful time for her. we Americans tend to want to cheer up the grieving or talk about a future better time. People in other countries grieve loud and long.
Just continue to tell her there is a plan to keep her safe and looked after, tell her you will try to do as good of a job as your grandpa but you know you won't because he was great. And talk about him and all he did for her. Confirm her feelings.
Then take breaks and go out and do something for yourself, journal your frustrations, remember there is life beyond where you all sit right now.
Put yourself in her shoes. It helps to be empathetic and know you dont have to solve this all or fix her.
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