Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Being married gives you the opportunity to tell them the truth, they're together. Tell them you can't bring them home and as long as they have each other, they're not going to miss anything else. Better or worse,in sickness or in health..... Just remind them they're together! Something else you can address is you need to sell the house because you need the money for their care, because one can't go home without the other. I'm hoping you have POA over everything, financial and medical. I assumed moms will gave me POA, not until she passes. Getting someone to notorized while in memory care is practically impossible. You should get it out in the open and quit hurting yourself. I'm surprised they still know how to use the phone. There's going to be the day they can't and you're going to get very upset that you can't reach them. It's very disturbing,call,call,call and finally get the memory care unit to check in on them. Sit them down in the morning/ early afternoon and tell them, you're sorry you can't do that. Explain how it's impossible because they need more care than you can give. You're going to miss all those calls. It's obvious that they don't buy your story, truth is the only way to go. Get it off your mind and focus on making it known that they are together with everyone looking after them. I'm curious to know who put them in memory care? I know it happens very fast but if it was a Dr? Tell them!!! Tell everything! Don't keep making it up, get some pressure off of your mind because there's lots more to go through. Peace and love!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

neelloc: An individual with dementia is typically referring to a home from possibly fifty years ago. Is it possible to not accept the thirty calls a day per notifying the facility? Quite possibly come up with a different fib, i.e. your home is being painted, etc. - virtually anything else that sounds logical to YOU.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Tell them as soon as all repairs are done to their home they can go home.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My hubby's been in memory care for 15 months and is just NOW begrudgingly accepting it, although he still cries sometimes and still packs his room saying he's "going home today." One thing that worked for us for a while is the RAZ memory phone. I wish more people knew about it. You, as the caregiver, have a dashboard where you can control who they can call (their contacts show up as a picture that they touch to make a call), and you can even control who can call them (to prevent robocalls). They also offer a service where if the person calls 911, it goes to a live operator but not directly to police or fire dept. My hubby called them all the time when I didn't pick up. Thank God it didn't go to the police! You can set quiet times where the phone will not connect to you at all. This helped us a lot. The caller gets a very sweet message that lets them know you will be happy to talk to them at a later time.

The RAZ memory phone worked for us for several months and I didn't have to worry about him calling the bank, or the cops, or all the other things he threatened. Sometimes we even had lovely good-night calls. But eventually, he too started with the 25-30 calls a day, crying, cajoling, pleading, threatening and so on. Even with sending them to voicemail, it was upsetting. When he finally said he hated the phone and didn't want it, I was relieved, because I was going to have to take it away. Now he still asks me to find him a "good" phone and I have to say I'm still looking. Sad, but we can never go back to that again.

Bottom line is there are products like this available that help with certain situations, but even they aren't perfect. There are also no-dial phones (available on Amazon) but in my opinion, I think they would create more anxiety, looking at a boxy landline phone with no "face" on it. Kind of sounds like a nightmare!

You're getting a lot of advice here, and I hope some is helpful. I'd also add that if you can find a support group for yourself, please check it out. You are not alone, but it's a long and uphill road and it often feels lonely. Best of luck.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter