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Keep, most people seem to wait until they are alone to die, at least in my family. When my grandma was dying, my mom was there everyday. My dad took mom for a ride in the country to relieve her stress, and gma slipped away.

Guilt? If you cared for her in life, the fact that you weren't there for her at the moment of her death shouldn't matter very much. Death is between Mom and her Maker. At that point, we're the 5th wheel, unneeded and unheeded. At least, that has been my take on things.

The watchword in my family, passed from generation to generation is " we don't do deathbeds. We do for each other in life".

In my mind, deathbed watches are the stock in trade of the narcissist, an attempt to control with guilt until the end. All that control? It's an illusion.
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Babalou, good point. Thank you. I certainly am doing this out of fear, obligation and guilt. My worry is that if she passes away and I'm not there for her the guilt will last forever. Even though she has caring people around her they're not family. Dying alone would be so sad.
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Your mother is in a nursing home getting professional care. Why are you there every day?

There should be activities to go to and other people, both staff and patients to chat with. You should not be the only focus of her existence.

Do you want there to be a relationship with your husband after mom is gone? Then you need to honor your commitment to that relationship now. I have a sneaking suspicion that your husband asking you to accompany him is an attempt to break you free of your mother's narcissistic demands, often known as Fear, Obligation and Guilt.
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