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Thank you all for continuing to respond, I am reading these responses as I run. Some of you have gone to the heart of the matter which is gaslight imprinting so that even though I ran to see my psychologist yesterday, she gets my cognitive is great, it's my nausea and autonomous responses -- not so much so, never could even improve with meds to get over catastrophic persona. Worked hard, very hard, at great personal sacrifice to get beyond Stockholm. I heed and embrace your theme of "heal thyself." Bless you all and Amen and keep reminding me ....

I am going to update you but may be unable to be on computer next few days. I had insisted on rehab care conference, which was set for 1 p.m. yesterday. 1:15 p.m., no call. I phoned social worker (SW), left voicemail. I phoned PCP care coordinator and she said call switchboard and refuse to hang up until you get SW. SW convened care conference with only PT present, no doctor. She was unable to provide assessments (I had asked her last week to keep me copied or informed on assessments). So much so that I shook the universe in asking about MROC, which I doubt was given, because our witness-plant said it was a three-minute "interview." So I asked for congnitive assesment (not that I don't know Dad is pretty much gone except for his emotions and habitual attachments). SW said they didn't have report and would have to contact psychologist (rehab's own doctor apparently hadn't yet documented his assessment either). I burned rubber to track down psychologist. Her office stonewalled me. Finally, I got her cell phone and she was in transit. I told her that as a POA I needed written or firm confirmation as to Dad's cognitive recommendation (ALMC's rates depend on this). She bluffed and blurred and finally said frantically, "I can't believe you are asking this you know your father is in bad shape." She wondered how I got her number. I wondered how rehab didn't know how to reach her. So on. Shame on me, eh? Anyway, I rested easier to learn that it will be documented.

Dad's caregiving agency (yes, they are indeed angels and some kind of vicars on earth) are emotionally pressuring me to bring Dad home. I know better.

I am frantically packing Dad's files and trying to anticipate what to bring before my 150 mile one way trek. To my horror, in my brain overload, I realized that by paying Dad's caregiver to be my rep at the rehab, I effectively zero'd out the last of his life savings. Luckily I got Dad a home equity line of credit (HELC) a few years ago, which may see me through. Thus far only $10K on it for huge plumbing and roofing jobs, required by homeowners insurance. Dad's old house, among the least modern in an affluent area, might bring in maybe $150K as is. There's no way any improvements are going to be done.

This a.m. am seriously thinking about resigning my POA sometime after Dad is placed. I get that he may have to move again unless house proceeds can become available. But elder care lawyer is being cagey about that and wants $3500 retainer for medicaid application. I know Dad will wind up on Medicaid, so what's the problem? Well, there's only one AL/MC with a space and they won't guarantee inflation rates and who knows, Dad may never be rushed to a hospital again. In 2011 lawyer created to two deeds for the house "if your father ever had to leave it." He will not broach the immediate "sell house" question without Medicaid application retainer. The $3500 onto the HELC? New lawyer?

I cant remember if I shared this, but one fairly good ALMC offered $4500/month fixed for Dad's life. That is exactly $24.16 per month less than his SS, work pension, and VA Aid and Attendance combined. So if I write the check for placement May 29 and pay his caregiving bill to date, it wipes out Dad's "reserve" of about $7K. Hello HELC. I refuse to kick in. Area Agency on Aging 1B -- surly, no help whatsoever.

VA -- surly, no help whatsoever.

That's this a.m. May 26. And it's going to be near 100 on May 29. Niiiiice.
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Correction -- in 4th from last graf I errored: "Well, there's only one AL/MC with a space and they won't guarantee inflation rates and who knows, Dad may never be rushed to a hospital again.

That should read: "Well, there's only one AL/MC CONTINUING CARE with Medicaid units..."
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50sChild - I'm concerned about the $3500 retainer fee that you mention your lawyer is wanting. Maybe it's a difference in circumstances, but we paid no such fee. Once we determined we could not bring Mom home from her rehab setting, she was fortunate enough that her rehab facility had a regular nursing home bed availalble so she was moved into that room from the rehab room. Then, we began the arduous and emotionally-destructive process of liquidating her assets (i.e. sell house, sell car, cash in life insurance policies, etc). While she still had some cash left, we also had to prepay her funeral (including casket, vault, etc). All other proceeds from the sale of house, car, the insurance policies went to cover her monthly nursing home expenses. Knowing the funds would indeed run out, I was in contact with the nursing home frequently to let them know how much she had left and when I anticipated it would run dry. When the money ran out (she was allowed to keep several hundred dollars - not much) & she was destitute, the nursing home started the Medicaid process for me and saw it through. We did not pay a fee for this.
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