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I'm so sorry for the fix you find yourself in.

There are just so many imponderable factors, aren't there?

At 97, and with your father now so very frail, and although one has to be careful what one wishes for of course, this may all resolve itself quite quickly.

At 86, it is understandable that your husband doesn't feel he has time enough to spend on more waiting. But even so.

If rehab is going to come up with a good strong recommendation, would it be too much to ask them to come up with a good strong, not to say forceful, referral to a decent care facility? They must surely have some influence with the key admissions personnel.

Or, what is awful about the ltc's that might be easier to get into? Might it be possible to retain the excellent caregiver to supplement his care and compensate for any shortfalls at the least worst of them?

The problem I perceive with any facility though, actually, is that you still won't feel free to jet off to sunnier climes, will you? I haven't yet read of a caregiver who happily washed her hands of the whole business the second her loved one got placed.

Right.

Yes, there is an ultimate authority, and that is you.

You don't know what to do for the best. I don't blame you, I don't think it is possible to know.

So perhaps, its being Thursday, you should firmly decide to do nothing: you just don't have enough clarity to come to a decision with any confidence. Just let your thoughts marinate over the weekend, and then let's go through them again.
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Who - to you - is the more important.... your husband? or your father?
The indecisiveness is unfair to both of them.

Made a choice of who is the more important and if it’s dad then move in to your fathers place be there for overall presence and nite duty for your dad OR if it’s hubs have dad upon completing his rehab segueway to a LTC resident and you move with your hubs to whatever warmer climate you two have been planning for throughout your marriage.

Your home gets sold in choice #1 as your moving in to dads place & it gives hubs $ for him to start afresh in wherever he settles “warm”; Dads home gets sold in choice #2 & perhaps yours as well depending on your & hubs finances & snowbird plan. Whichever choice you make by placing a home on the market with a Realtor enforces that a decision has been made by you and moves forward your decision.
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I don't think there are many people who think "oh goody, I'm so happy I/my loved one get to live in a facility!!", but the sad reality is that for many there comes a point where they need the kind of care provided there. Entering any NH can be a huge culture shock, even the ones fixed to look pretty can't hide the fact their residents are in various stages of physical and mental decline. The thing is, we are an adaptable species and we can learn to thrive anywhere, as long as you pick a place with good staff to patient ratios and where you see people actually smiling or laughing then the rest is just "lipstick and make-up" that isn't going to necessarily mean better care. You can do this.
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