One of my children will have the gathering at their house, but I am at the point where my wife will not remember she was there, and won't even remember who most of the family members are and will not know or remember where she is she has no short term memory. We will get home and she will complain that she never gets to go anywhere, and we go many places. But it is difficult on me to get her up dressed and out and I am at the point I do not want to do it every holiday. Christmas was good, but Easter, I want to stay home. I want to tell the children that if they want to see us we are here to come visit. But part of me feels guilty. However, I really need to take care of myself I am still healthy and strong, we are both 74 years old, but I know my health will decline also, eventually. I guess the question is, how do i deal with this. Very broad question I know but I like to hear others experiences and take it from there. How do I avoid burnout and take care of my own mental health.
Our family has done this for many years as we have members all over the place. Before we all had smart phones, we would bring a laptop with us to the location and the family member(s) would connect to us that way. We would leave the laptop in a central area where they could see what was going on and everyone could "stop by" to say hello and chat. It was the next best thing to them being there.
You can do Zoom, FaceTime, Microsoft Teams, etc. on your smart phone or computer.
Absent any of that, why not just have a regular telephone call?
I like to think about what is really important to me and my family for holidays. Is dressing up fancy, tons of decorations and having a big meal the most important thing? Or is it time with family. Some years ago my sister-in-law passed away in December. They following year my mother-in-law passed away in December. We were all grieving and tired from traveling to the funerals, so both years I declared a "Jeans and Jammies" Christmas. No big expectations. Everyone brought a dish to eat. I didn't do a lot of decorating or use my good china. We spent time with each other and gave Christmas presents, and enjoyed the children playing with each other. My pregnant daughter-in-law loved wearing her pajamas. (I felt more comfortable in jeans.)
For a while, I told my sons to bring their families to visit my mother on separate days sometime during the holidays so she would not be overwhelmed by too many visitors. This year, my mother's dementia is so advanced that I told my sons not to bring my grandchildren for fear it would upset the children to see their great grandmother so unresponsive and unable to talk. I spent Easter with my mom so her caregivers could be with their families, but it wasn't much of an Easter for me. Maybe I will have a family meal with my sons and their families for Pentecost (May 30) if Covid allows.