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Maybe if I ever get to that point, my anxiety can be secretly medicated so I can better cooperate with care.
Maybe wheel-chaired into a huge handicapped shower and squirted down in my clothes if necessary.
Permission? How could anyone in that mental state give permission?
Maybe I should write down giving my permission now, just in case, because I want to stay clean, always.

The injuries are a concern, whether they are accidental or not.

Choosing a more appropriate institutional setting as mentioned by CM may be the answer. The staff may have a match for your Mom's preferences.

Keep trying, it is very difficult.
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shb1964 May 2019
Funny thing - my sister has healthcare proxy but they are still not allowed to give Mom meds without her consent. Makes no sense to me. A mentally ill person is not equipped to give a sensible answer, but that's the law in our state. Bloody stupid in my opinion. I can't fault the facility for that - they're following the law.
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I'm going to second what CM said; get her into a Nursing Home.

What's going to be better about a NH setting is that there will be Behavioral staff (psychiatrist, behavioral team, what have you) who will be able to advise on the appropriate medication for your mother's agitation and possible depression. While meds are not going to turn your feisty and uncooperative mother into a pussy cat, they might make everyone's life a little easier when it comes to hygiene, visits, daily life.

One rule that I learned early on in my mom's dementia? Bring the party to her. Don't take a person with dementia out of their facility, especially not in a private vehicle. My mother grabbed the steering wheel from my husband while we were on a highway. We were lucky that he was driving; had it been me, we'd all be dead.
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shad250 May 2019
Drug her into in a stupor?
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It's very difficult.

[Can I have a prize for most helpful response? 😬]

The thing is. It is perfectly true that a person ought not to be forced to do something. However. Coaxing, cajoling, persuading - NOTHING is going to make your mother agree to be showered or bathed.

And although it's fine for these things to be less frequent than her habit used to be, it is not fine for her hygiene to be neglected altogether.

It is even less fine for this to be pursued to the point where she sustains injury, even if the injury is accidental/self-inflicted.

What is running through my memory at the moment is the process employed on the first stroke ward my mother stayed in (briefly, thank God). And the point about this process is that consent was never an issue, because there was never a point at which she was consulted or could have objected.

It takes a team of three nursing assistants, they get in there, they are so fast and efficient, and they wield so much muscle power among them, that it's over in minutes before the person knows what is happening, pretty much. It isn't pretty, but it's efficient and you end up with a clean mother.

I have to tell you that I was whimpering and bleating in a corner while all this was going on until the lead aide turned round and said "do you want your mother washed or not?" So that was me told.

Anyway - the point is that this is about attitude, experience and sheer heft. The people in the nice family atmosphere place are not prepared to seize hold of your mother and get the job done, because they are following different ethics. I wonder if, ironically, and seeing that your mother's miserable whatever you do, she might in fact be more efficiently cared for in a more institutional setting.
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Sendhelp May 2019
The prize for most helpful and timely response goes to Countrymouse!
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