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Usually we exchange chatty notes, but this year, I don't know what to say. The guy they knew is gone. How do I tell them where our lives are today? This is so painful that I am tempted to say nothing or forget the cards all together.
Do what you can and what you want. * If you want to tell them, have someone help you with the writing and sending. * Write whatever you feel comfortable with (see below) and make copies to send so you do not need to write over and over again. Sign the note.
What to say ...
1. Tell them the truth. 2. This is a very difficult time for me as XX has Alzheimer's and isn't the person you knew. 3. Keep me and him (or us) in your prayers. 4. Thank you. 5. Keep it short. 6. IF you want support, ASK FOR IT. 7. If you want to be left alone, tell them this. "I need time to process all this. I will reach out to you again when I can."
If too painful and you don't want to discuss, don't. It is all up to you and how you feel and what you feel you want and can do at this difficult time. DO ask for what you want, need.
Just say he's doing as good as can be expected. Or something along the lines of 'because of his medical decline, our lives are much different'. Then discuss yourself or the other members of the family.
Just a simple message of Christmas cheer from you personally and signed only by you would be more appropriate. I was actually wondering about responding to people who ask how many years we've been married..............we aren't united anymore and it feels odd to misrepresent our relationship that way. In my mind, I feel the correct answer is the date of his diagnosis. Or, maybe it's best not to answer the question and not to send out Christmas cards anymore, which is what I've chosen to do.
The years we’ve left behind are filled with many lovely memories, although some may have been lost through illnesses, we are forever grateful and blessed. The years ahead are arduous yet, we are still grateful and with Gods goodness and grace we shall endure all that He allows!
Just something off the top of my head.. hope it helps 💕 Happy Holidays
I can't imagine what it is like to have a spouse suffering with AD, you have my deepest sympathy. My mom has it and I must say that, for me personally, I want people to know. On occasion, she will say things that throw you off and I want our friends and family to know why and treat her with kindness. If I were to send cards, I would probably include a letter that explained, rather than write it again and again. The letter can cover a myriad of questions that might follow. I do a family facebook page that is updated with how she is doing and how much she enjoys their cards and letters. I try to keep it light, our days have enough seriousness in them. Whenever I can, I find the humor in things that happen because of her AD. Just the other night, we went to look at Christmas lights. We went down a short street and turned around in a cul-de-sac. As we started back up the street, she commented on the same lights as if seeing them for the first time. My husband and I had a little laugh about how many different streets we had been on and how she would have been just as entertained by the same one over and over.
Over the years our family has been thru good times and not so good times. I’ve followed the lead of my friends and family regarding content of Christmas letters: be honest about what’s going on while respecting the privacy of family members. no one expects or wants to receive glossed over chatter. if you fear harsh judgement from some friends and family, quit sending them cards. those to whom I send holiday cards want to understand how we are - not dishonest chatter. And, I only want letters that let me know how my friends and family really are. Otherwise, they will lose the support and prayers that we all need. if you don’t want to share your truth, just send signed cards without a letter.
Your husband's condition is nothing to be ashamed of or to minimize. Just do your normal greetings. If that typically includes mentioning health and happenings of the year, just say something like "Joe has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and we are taking things one day at a time. We would love to see you sooner rather than later. Additionally, the cat had kittens and they are ...." Encourage visits as you, as well as your husband, are going to need them!
I wouldn't get into the Alzheimer's in a Christmas card letter. No really. Not the place for it. You could just send out Christmas cards with no letters in them. If you want the people on the Christmas card list to be updated on your husband's condition, write an email explaining what's going on and send it. That's what I'd do.
My cousin who passed a way a couple of years ago was diagnosed with Alzheimers shortly before her husband passed away from heart issues. She went to stay with her daughter several states away from where she lived for most of her life. For the next couple of years her daughter would send Christmas cards with a letter updating how she was doing. They were mostly upbeat, but honest about her condition.
You don't need to go into great detail (heck, you don't have to send anything at all if it is too hard for you!). Explain the situation, ask for support (whatever that may mean), and understanding that chatty notes are probably out for now. Most everyone knows, or knows of, someone affected by this terrible condition. They would have to be relatively oblivious to not comprehend the burden that you are now bearing.
indubuque: Say nothing in Christmas cards that you enjoy sending out. A holiday card isn't the place to get into a discourse about your DH (Dear Husband's) health. You could telephone your close friends AT ANOTHER TIME and inform them that your DH has received the diagnosis.
Just got through doing Christmas cards with my Mom who's doing better in hospice than memory care. Family knows, but the most important thing was that she tried to sign them herself. I tried to make it memorable by adding 2022 on the back of the cards in case this would be her last Christmas with us. I had to write everything else (address, names) and tell her to sign ( Mom, grandmother) but Just go with what you feel. Don't try to go into details what you are going through, you don't need that. You spread tidings of good cheer and be happy! Family will be cherishing your efforts throughout the years. Let's hope. Merry Christmas and a much better New Year! Peace and love to you and yours and all the people who are going through this. Please come back to the forum because there's so much more you will need to know and these people KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH! Much love and don't give up!
Close friends and of course family should be told but not sure if a holiday card is the place or time to do so. I would send a separate note later or an email. If there are not a lot that you want to inform a phone call would be nicer than a letter or email, that way you can answer questions that you want to answer. I can tell you right now some will say..."..Oh, if there is ever anything I can do to help let me know." Take advantage of that. People want to help they just do not know what to do. So when you need help a phone call and say.."John, I have an appointment on Wednesday could you come and spend some time with "Bill"? I should be home by 3:00" or Call your friend "Sue" and say..."Sue, I can't leave "Bill" today, but I need a few things from the store could you stop and get a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread, I will make lunch and we can chat, we have not done that in a while"
You will know soon enough who your "real" friends are. As a caregiver your world gets smaller each time you have to turn down a lunch invitation or you have to cut a phone conversation short because "Bill" needs you. Not to mention a lot of people really do not understand what it means to be a caregiver 24/7/365. Another reason that it is important to hire caregivers so that you can keep contact with friends and maintain part of who you are.
I am in the same boat. Since the middle of October, I have lost two friends, my nephew in October, my husband in November, two of my grandchildren's stepmother, and now my ex-husband who is the father of my children is on Hospice and one of my best friends from the 1960's is losing weight at the rate of 2 pounds a week and they can't find the cause. I AM NOT IN THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT.
It's perfectly fine to forgo the usual Christmas letters and take care of yourself.,think of it as a gift to you to rebuild your energy and find a little peace after all you have gone through. Im so sorry. You have a lot of company of people not being in the Christmas spirit, with all thats going on in the world. Perhaps God is telling us all to slow down and contemplate the true meaning of the season..God Bless and wishes for a better 2023 for you
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
* If you want to tell them, have someone help you with the writing and sending.
* Write whatever you feel comfortable with (see below) and make copies to send so you do not need to write over and over again. Sign the note.
What to say ...
1. Tell them the truth.
2. This is a very difficult time for me as XX has Alzheimer's and isn't the person you knew.
3. Keep me and him (or us) in your prayers.
4. Thank you.
5. Keep it short.
6. IF you want support, ASK FOR IT.
7. If you want to be left alone, tell them this. "I need time to process all this. I will reach out to you again when I can."
If too painful and you don't want to discuss, don't. It is all up to you and how you feel and what you feel you want and can do at this difficult time. DO ask for what you want, need.
Gena / Touch Matters
Or, just sign the card and say nothing.
Just
something off the top of my head.. hope it helps 💕
Happy Holidays
be honest about what’s going on while respecting the privacy of family members.
no one expects or wants to receive glossed over chatter.
if you fear harsh judgement from some friends and family, quit sending them cards.
those to whom I send holiday cards want to understand how we are - not dishonest chatter. And, I only want letters that let me know how my friends and family really are. Otherwise, they will lose the support and prayers that we all need.
if you don’t want to share your truth, just send signed cards without a letter.
You could just send out Christmas cards with no letters in them.
If you want the people on the Christmas card list to be updated on your husband's condition, write an email explaining what's going on and send it. That's what I'd do.
You don't need to go into great detail (heck, you don't have to send anything at all if it is too hard for you!). Explain the situation, ask for support (whatever that may mean), and understanding that chatty notes are probably out for now. Most everyone knows, or knows of, someone affected by this terrible condition. They would have to be relatively oblivious to not comprehend the burden that you are now bearing.
If you want to send cards, just write a general "hope you have a wonderful holiday" message, sign it, and move on.
Please come back to the forum because there's so much more you will need to know and these people KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH! Much love and don't give up!
No need to write a novel on a card.
A Christmas card is about wishing the person that it is being sent to a Merry Christmas. It isn’t about our life story.
I can tell you right now some will say..."..Oh, if there is ever anything I can do to help let me know."
Take advantage of that. People want to help they just do not know what to do. So when you need help a phone call and say.."John, I have an appointment on Wednesday could you come and spend some time with "Bill"? I should be home by 3:00"
or
Call your friend "Sue" and say..."Sue, I can't leave "Bill" today, but I need a few things from the store could you stop and get a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread, I will make lunch and we can chat, we have not done that in a while"
You will know soon enough who your "real" friends are. As a caregiver your world gets smaller each time you have to turn down a lunch invitation or you have to cut a phone conversation short because "Bill" needs you. Not to mention a lot of people really do not understand what it means to be a caregiver 24/7/365. Another reason that it is important to hire caregivers so that you can keep contact with friends and maintain part of who you are.