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Saw mums doc today and he said im been very WISE re POA he will do tests and explain to her then i can start ball rolling??? NOW all i have to do is get mum into docs?
May sound awful but she wants to go to wool shop which is a few hours away from here and wants me with her Sooooooooooooooo yes blackmail! Go and see doc about POA then ill bring you anywhere. My mum is old generation and just dosnt want to pay although she understands how important it is god love her if i had the money id pay. My sister who has over 70000 in savings went quiet when i said its the money? my mum has been known to emotionally blackmail me all the time so now I will do same! watch this space. I wish i could walk out and say like SA suggested "no poa no care" but i live here so how would that work?
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Kazzaa, be careful. It would have been best that sis not know about the POA until it's a done deal. I've read enough on here to know that the sibling with lots of money still wants more. Also remember, POAs are easily changed. So, just because mom gave it to you, sis can have mom change it to her without notifying you until it's a done deal. It just amazes me when I read here how siblings change when it comes to their parents' money. Amazing! What's worse, they don't view it as their parents' money to spend for their care but as their inheritance.

Hope your mom signs it. Remember to get both medical and financial. If financial, also see if you can get a little "salary" for caregiving her. It doesn't have to be a lot. And have it documented that you have at least 1 day off each week. Make it all legal while doing the POA.
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SA .. so glad you reached your goal of getting your mom in the right place. Yay for that! I can only hope, with you, that the rest irons itself out ... VERY soon!!
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Holy cow! You poor thing! Thank you so much for sharing this because I have been dragging my feet on doing POA for my mother in law who lives with me and my husband. She was just diagnosed with early dementia and we think it's alzhiemer's. I don't think she will resist as I have been in control of her finances for a few years now and she trusts me. My brother in law on the other hand thinks I'm a piece of shit even though I care for his Mom and let him live with us for free for six months and he has threatened to get me fired as her caregiver in the past, even though he hasn't even seen her in over a year! I tried to get him to call me the other day to let him know about Mom's diagnosis and instead of calling me, he called her and told her there was nothing wrong with her and I'm lying! For God's sake she pees herself day and night and can barely get around after hip surgery in April and sees people that aren't there! I know he will try and swoop in and take control if he sees an opportunity to get what little money she has, even though he has no home, job, or transportation and hasn't visited her since he left my home. I will be filing POA next week now! Thanks for sharing and I pray you get resolution soon. WE know you are a good daughter and deserve a lot of respect!
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Jacky, since brother-in-law is a bad influence and you know he's going to be against you all the time, why must you continually update him. If he wants to know, he can always call his mom. I think it's best that you set boundaries with him. I'd get both the medical and the financial POA. Also remember that POA can be changed easily.
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Something to consider: the POA can NOT be changed once a diagnosis has been determined that the patient is no longer competent. As difficult as it is emotionally, to get that diagnosis, it can be pretty critical under these kinds of circumstances. It's as easy as having a doctor write a letter of legal incompetence (or whatever the actual terminology is).
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Unfortunately, it can be changed. The other sibling borrows the parent, and changes it without alerting the officials that the parent was already diagnosed with dementia. I've read of it here several times when posters came on asking for help. It's a hard situation because they no longer have access to their parent due to the New POA sibling blocking them access to the parent and institutions must listen to the New POA. I'm just saying that when a sibling is determined to get that POA from you, they Can do it. As long as your parent is "competent" at the time of signing the new POA, then, it's a done deal. Remember - most doctors are fooled by a person with dementia. What more, if you go and do a new POA for a few minutes? Just never ever assume that because you have POA that it is a done deal. Devious siblings WILL find a way around it thru devious means. Not Legal but....
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Bookluvr it always amazes me that sometimes on here the main caregiver is not always the POA. This is bullshit we are the ones caring for thier mental health also managing thier finances my brother has made it quite clear that if im looking after her that I get POA along with another brother as we are the only 2 living here. If my sis wants POA then give up your job and get your ass over here and look after her 24/7. My sis thought she should be POA because shes organised (Bitch) she has really no idea what it entails so she wont be getting it living abroad. When we had a break in mum had no back door and we had to bolt it up my sis never offered to even buy a new door knowing that we were not safe here??
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I find it hard to believe that you can't go into a court, present the original POA, the statement of incompetence and get the second, illegal, POA rescinded. Maybe I'm just naive. I didn't say someone might not try .. I'm saying it's not legal. In which case, there's legal recourse ....... assuming you want the battle. And, for what it's worth, if some sibling pulled that on me, my first step would be to show up at the sibling's door, mom in the wheelchair, bags packed, "Here .. apparently you wanted to care for her. Have at it." And walk away. The bickering is useless.
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{{laughing}} I'm with you, LadeeC. If any of my siblings pulled that POA over me, I would be ecstatic and rushing ASAP to pack up all my stuff before my sibling knows what hits them. By the time they figure it's not worth it, I will be long gone!

I just wanted to warn others here that Anything is possible if devious siblings want something. Be aware and watch your back.
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