Follow
Share

Now my mom is being cared for in a place where they have mandatory classes for understanding dementia. The place where she was didn't have any training at all. At least that I know of.


She seems more alert now than she did where she was. Last night was a home visit with her doctor. I went with just in case she had to ask me any questions. The visit went pretty well, I think. She answered the doctor's questions the best that she could. She has a time problem. She fell where she was about 3 months ago, but she thought that was a year ago. No biggie. Her thinking is clearer. Before she couldn't remember her brother's names. Now she can.


I know that she has dementia but I'm not going to "throw her under the bus" like my SIL is doing. She thinks that because she has dementia that she is like a little child. She is 88 and she knows that and she knows when she will be 89. With this group and a Facebook page dealing with dementia only, I have learned a lot.


Just wish that my SIL would keep her grubby little paws off what I did in her room. Well, some things are going to be moved around again on Saturday since I am going to be bringing things to her place for her. Putting pictures up on the walls that she wants. Also, going through some boxes that my brother left there for me to look through. Then her other side table will go in that spot.


Don't get me wrong, I love my mom and I care for her a lot. The SIL hasn't done a thing to help her out in any way shape for form. At mom's previous location, the sil didn't take any pictures of her with her there and I don't know why. She is a person that wants to have people think that she is a "good" person. She isn't if she feels that she can attack me for one reason or another.


I am being simple with this because I want people to know that just because a person has dementia, it all depends on the type of dementia that they have. She has the early stages. We were told by the neuro psych doctor that she could be this way for 10 years or more. She was worse off than she is now. I have seen a lot of improvement since she has moved where she is now. There will be up and downs days.


Life goes on and my mom will do the best that she can. At least now she has people that she can talk to and who will talk to her.


Feeling very proud of her!!!

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Glad you see an improvement in your mom and pleased with her facility.

You don’t have the power to change anyone. Your SIL may be annoying but let it go if you can.

Have you ever tried to speak with her about the issues that are bothering you? How does she respond? If you don’t get a positive response, it’s most likely pointless to continue any further discussions with her.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Judy79 Dec 2019
I haven't responded to her messages sent to me for a long time. Well, maybe several months. I have made copies of what she has sent and will keep them if I even need them to prove anything.

She is being a total control freak and my brother is too blind to even notice it.
(0)
Report
That's so encouraging to read! A good facility can make such a difference. And it doesn't have to be brand-spanking new and pricey, either. My MIL transferred into a good place. It's helped a lot. Yay! And blessings to you and your mom and family.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Judy79 Dec 2019
You are right about new and pricey. The place that she is now just opened in Sept and I have done research on it as my brother did. Wish it was cheaper but at least she has long term care insurance to help out with it.
(0)
Report
That’s great that your mom is in a better facility now, and this place sounds like they’re being very proactive. Not many facilities have any classes on understanding dementia. I’ve never heard of any around here. I tried to start one at my mom’s SNF but didn’t get much cooperation from administration. Most of my knowledge of the diseases came from here and real-time experiences.

Just a note on SIL. Don’t stress out over what she does or doesn’t do. Unless she is taking things from your mom’s room, just let it be. For all you know,,when they were visiting Mom, she may have asked SIL to move things around and then told you she didn’t. Lots of families dissolve with bad feelings all around when one of its members goes down. Arguments about who did or didn’t do something or do “enough” are common and quite frankly, pointless. My husband’s family did. And, it’s permanent. I will always have bad feelings toward them. Once you say something, you can’t take it back. You do what you need to do to make Mom as comfortable and happy as possible and be content knowing you are a good daughter. Don’t worry about anyone else.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
Judy79 Dec 2019
Thanks! My mom hasn't trusted her for years! I don't think that she still does. Even with her dementia. All that my mom cares about are my brothers and me. Her grandchildren don't even come around either. My mom has dementia, she isn't stupid. She still has a good memory for the most part. She has been through a lot in a year. I can't imagine having to do what she did at 87. She is 88 now and will be 89 in January.
(0)
Report
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter