I am an only child..In 2015 my father passed away at the age of 88. Immediately I packed up my life and moved back home to assist my mom as she cannot live alone. I now know why my poor pops never made it out alive. Currently she has somewhat managed CHF, COPD,, melanoma x2, invasive breast cancer, which she did chemo and radiation for. It came back and in 2017 I nursed her back from a double mastectomy… emptying drains every 2 hrs and changing dressings. She wouldn’t allow a nurse in the house. She thinks everyone wants to steal from her. She has to ingest 24 pills every day to stay alive and has oxygen at home that is also used daily. She’s had it all. Yet she continues to steam roll through life, purposefully trying to hurt me as often as she can. She looks at me with absolute hate in her eyes. She twists things to relatives and paints me as a horrible daughter who I remind her of constantly of my “grifting, deceased father”. Her words, not mine. She wakes up ready with an argument and anger on 100. Granted she was always a fire cracker. Always a narcissist. I'm sorry I’m here complaining but I am just broken. Beyond broken. All of the childhood abuse has come back to me full circle. Aside from the hitting, pinching and pulling my nose, my hair…..That all ended with high school….somehow she learned to put the brakes to the physical abuse The damage was already done though. I think she knows I won’t take it. I’m in my 40s now so maybe that’s why. Anyhow I appreciate this forum. There are days I cry my eyes out feeling so alone And then I find myself daydreaming of the day she is gone….but the guilt of such a sinful thought takes me right back to reality. Year 6 y’all. I’ve actually read posts from people who have lost their mother and wish it were me. I have to ask God every night to forgive my sinful thoughts. Hoping for peace and maybe some love eventually. Both long term relationships I’ve had ended because they were abusive ( go figure ) so now I choose to be alone. I don’t trust my “desperation for love” decisions so I’m much safer alone. Aside from that because of her wealth anyone I would bring home will be fully investigated. She threatens to remove me from a full inheritance as her nieces and nephews would be much more deserving and appreciative. Again her words. I feel as though she is resentful of me and my good health. Imagine your own mother constantly telling you….you MUST have cancer, you PROBABLY have high blood pressure, THAT has to be a blood clot etc. And the thing is I am a health nut. I don’t eat certain foods and have weighed the same weight since high school. Probably too sad to even want to eat most days…don’t drink alcohol and am in bed every night by 10:30pm. I feel she would love for me to be sick. Isn’t that crazy? Ahhh what a life. Relatives and others are hateful towards me because of her money. I just cannot win. People looking in think I am so fortunate because of all that she has amassed but little do they know her daughter’s struggle is very, very real….
My advice to you (and to myself) is to find a job outside the home - a job that keeps you busy. And hire a carer to look after your mum. This is what I am planning to do now after five years of stress, gaslighting and other forms of abuse by my mother and sisters.
You are right when you suspect she begrudges you your good health - and she is hell-bent on depriving you of the thing she envies.
Don't worry about her kicking you out, disinheriting you, etc. You have a lot more to lose by staying in this situation.
Take care and God bless. You deserve to be safe and happy.
You stated that you "ask God every night to forgive my sinful thoughts" ... your thoughts are not sinful. They are simply your wish for your long torture to end. It seems like right now, you fell the only way out is her death.
Your mother constantly tells you…."you MUST have cancer, high blood pressure, a blood clot etc. .." Well; I DO have those things. My mother is very angry because my dying takes my attention away from her.
She might want you sick so she can play "oh poor me, my child is sick" but then you would have to hurry up and die, to make her happy (center of attention) again.
My mother has about 1.3 million in her properties: that I (and my sons) have helped repair, rent and upkeep over 30 years. - 1/3 will be taken in taxes. She made me feel worthless and constantly 'reminds' me that she has all this money and is so important, I am nothing, etc. etc. Says that I will get all this money … after she die.
I already legally signed off on that ball and chain.
She inflicts all her stress onto others; while she stays relatively healthy. She has buried 2 husbands and one boyfriend, a sister and a brother. --- all who basically have given their life for a piece of this pie.
I am next to die. She won't believe me and that I "have some nerve" to say that I am sick.
You are working hard for a NM who will never appreciate it. I do get it! I do it. Would you exchange that money for your life? . Stress kills. She will outlive me.
Question: If you were told that you only had about a year left to live, what would you do?
Would you give your mother your last year, last month, last day, last hour and last breath?
Best of Luck and God Bless You
-Bevel
I'm so sorry, but I do follow a Scott Bassett? about narcissit people, really hasn't helped, but I know they are out there and the best thing is to walk away. I can't do it.