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Thanks to everyone for your advice, especially specific wording. I'm keeping it in my back pocket for later in case I need it. I haven't heard anything else from them.

I don't want to even suggest they become POA or he stay with them. I don't trust that he would get the care he needs and they would understand his medical needs.

There aren't any over the top behaviors with him now. I've mentioned the condition his house was in before (dust, spoiled food, extreme clutter, bills, mice), but that's not an issue in AL...which is one reason he's there.
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I have seen this with my mother and her siblings. Mom is 92, sister 95, brother 98! Their other sister had vascular dementia and steadily declined until her death at 95 a few years ago. Mom kept saying that the NH didn’t do anything help Betty, like therapy or PT. The poor woman was bed fast and barely spoke or recognized people!

Mom refused to consider that her sister was not going to get better. And even said she would have moved sister in with her if my father hadn’t been ill. It was so sad.

She lived with the other sister for a short time but then that sister began burning out, no one should have that burden of care in their 80's. My cousins did the right thing by moving Betty into a nursing where she was safe and cared for.

Luckily no one criticized their decision, except my mom and she only said it to me. It was Betty's savings they were spending, exactly what she had saved up for, my cousins had POA and knew her wishes. Nuff said.
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Can you do a trial run at a facility to see how it goes? For, say, a month? So he can see that these places aren't the horror stories they're made out to be, and to give him a chance to acclimate to the idea slowly rather than suddenly. He might find a reason on his own to want to go back or just stay. Find one that has two dining rooms or more so he knows he has choices where he can eat, he may be feeling like he'll just get stuck in a room and forgotten about so show him where the activities department is and make sure it is a place where they actually have decent activities. Our facility takes our elders out to the movies, and out to eat, they go fishing, shopping, to church, and if the resident can't get out they do as much as possible to bring that stuff in. Most places do.

Our elders probably remember how horrible nursing homes used to be (they really were horrid places). Today's facilities are really quite nice, and laws prevent abuses.

I hope you can find the right place for him and he and all concerned will find some acceptance.
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Just saying hello, Panda

Hoping things are improving for you. It’s hard dealing with all you have on your plate. You have our support from this forum 💗. Hugs!!!
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Thanks for checking in. My dad's doing okay and is seeming to be a bit more upbeat. He's been in a nice assisted living home since January but he's still more solitary than I'd like. We're encouraging more activities but it's slow going. As you all know, there are lots of phone calls and Dr's appointments.

His siblings were quiet for a while but popped up again. Sigh.
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When people have dementia, they are often able to "Showtime". My mother was very good at it in her final years. You could speak with her on the phone or come and visit for a short time and believe that she was perfectly fine. It was only when you physically spent time around her that you could see the truth. You are doing the best that you can do.
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