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I spent most of the day doing yard work . It felt so damn good .


Applications filled out and info given . I have not felt so good in such a long time !!!😔😤😋😍😘


Wish me luck as a stable hand I can also use and take with me what I've cleaned out and use for food mushooms for myself and the farmers market !


As good as I feel I'm aslo dealing with a lot of guilt and shame for walking away . like I'm abandoning them all . but with two family member with her I know she is better off than with just big brother . I think now I can get back to house chores 1hour a day on a diffrent household chore .


I feel like I'm climbing out of a cave into the sunlit world .


When I head out to the zoo and apply for everything I feel cofident about learning should I bring all three a trinket from the gift shop


It not a sacrifice more of like a reminder they have all three given me the nicest gift for being able to go out and get a job or fail at another one and back at finding more places to work and lean new skills .


Erg


Much love thank you .


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Sounds like a plan to me! I love the farmers market. Wishing you much success! You sound very excited about the progress that you have made.

I feel your love and compassion in your words. I read your profile and I am not exactly sure who you are caring for. You only mention that it is someone who is declining with age related issues. In your post, you mentioned being a big brother. So. I suppose that it is a sibling.

I lost my oldest brother several years back. He died shortly before turning 70. I recently lost my mom. She lived to be 95. My dad died many years ago. I miss all of them very much.

You are wise to set up counseling. We can always grow and learn during our lifetime. It’s never too late. You seem to be very grateful and humble. Those are beautiful qualities to have.

Caregiving takes a toll on us. I cared for my brother, mom and dad. Mom lived with us for 15 years after losing her home in hurricane Katrina.

We do lose ourselves while caregiving. You will adjust to your new surroundings and learn to adapt. It’s wonderful to see how much that you care for your family, in spite of the hardship of caregiving. It is terrific that you have your family’s blessing to begin this new chapter in your life. You deserve it.

Please keep us posted. We care.
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Thank you .
She knows I love her and will never be far. even when I'm able to buy a chunk of land I'll simply be up the road 5 minutes away
. I actually live here with family . it is the 4 of us family and we suport eachother a little too much .
My brother is a machanich at heart and does not get to use his skills much . part of the mushrooms for me is to learn and use new skills .
Your user name speaks of what I've been feeling that I'm suposed to stay with family untill age takes me.
Skills skills I have seen myself loose to many ( don't want my brother to loose his ) and I would like to aproach this caregiving diffrently (continue with aspects of care giving without actualy being the assistant )(go to an out of the home job and come back ) truely be a support myself first and also them . they've helped support me my entire life .
Just because I want a home of my own is not licence for me to abandon them all .
I can't really live without them in my life .
I'm setting up counseling sessions because of the stress and constant fear . second guessing . this emense guilt and shame for wanting this a separate but close by life .
Not to mention how my fear for her when she has a medical episode is actualy causing arguments .
It's almost automatic to assist a family member but myself there is some what of to many obstacles .
I've focused so much on them I can't remember how I used to catch the bus or make it to McDonald's for a shift at work .
Ok please don't take this as a pitty me situation I'm not used to asking for help but I realised I can ask for help I need . and the best people to ask are those going through or who have had to live with this .
Thank you
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Aren't the mushrooms that you get from stables considered magic mushroom?

So happy that you are finding a way out and pursuing joy for your life.

Remember to show your sister that you are still there for her and that you love her.

Watching a sibling die is one of the hardest things that I have ever done. I recommend treating her like she is living while she goes through her battle. So many people bring their sadness to the sick person that it makes it harder for them. Kid with her, send her funny cards and letters, love her.

Best of luck in your new job.
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