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Mom has been declining over the past few weeks and yesterday stopped eating and drinking. Thanks to this forum I was ready for this. I had read here that if you can see a decline from one month to the next, there’s probably months left. A decline from week to week means there’s probably only weeks left...day to day probably only days left. And this seems to have held true. Today she’s pretty unresponsive and they put her on oxygen just to even out her breathing. She seems comfortable and I will stay and sing to her and hold her hand. I can’t thank you all enough for the support you’ve given me through this.


She is ready and so am I. Please say a little prayer for my darling Ella that this transition is easy for her.


And bless you all.

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I also will be hoping that this transition is easy for you. It is hard to say good bye, even when we know they are going to a better place, where there is no more pain nor discomfort and those who have gone before will be there to greet them.

I sat with my mother as my step father eased from this life to the next. He was lucky, he had a peaceful death. I stayed with him and Mum until she was ready to go home (he died in the hospital).

The young nurse who was with us did a remarkable job too. It may have been his first death on a shift, but he handled himself well and was able to meet Mum's needs too.
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Prayers already sent, Rocketjcat. Please keep us informed.
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Prayers for your mum and for you. Those time lines sound about right. It certainly helps to know what to expect.

My mother passed very peacefully in December a couple of days after she stopped eating and drinking. The previous 6 months she started eating less, lost weight and was sleeping more. They put her on oxygen too at the end. I was more than ready and felt relief for both of us.

After the years of illness, it is a blessing when they pass peacefully. May your mum's transition be an easy one. (((((((hugs))))
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Best wishes to everyone involved. Yours, Margaret
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Prayers and hugs to you both!. I always tell folks that I would not have made it through my mom's last week without the wisdom and support of the kind souls on this site.

Lean on us, Rocket. So we can pass on the support we've all gotten.
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Hugs for you rocketjcat. We are all with you.
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Rocketjcat,

God bless you and your mom. You are handling this with such grace. I can only hope that I will be able to do that. I’ve struggled with letting go of people I have lost. I am hoping I won’t do that when it’s my mother’s time. I am going to remember your example and try to follow it.

I pray all will go as well as can be expected to go for both of you. I think it’s lovely of you to sing to her.

My mom’s favorite hymns are, How Great Thou Art, Amazing Grace and Ave Maria.

She and my dad danced to Frank Sinatra. Music is joyful. She will love that. You are a loving, gentle and tender daughter. Your mom is blessed to have you. Hugs and prayers!
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My thought are with you and your mother rocketjcat.
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I will pray for you and your Mom. May God surround you both with his love and comfort!
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It's good that she is comfortable. I will pray for peace and rest for you both. I know this must be so difficult. Take care of yourself.
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May Ella be blessed and accompanied by the Angels on her journey to eternity.
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i appreciate hearing from someone that asks for prayers. it's nice to have someone that loves their mother and don't consider them a burden. it's hard to say good bye .
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Rocket, thinking of you and Ella.
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Rocket, praying for you and Miss Ella
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We are sitting with you
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Prayers for Ella and Rocketjcat.

Traveling mercies Ella.
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Rocketjcat, wishing you Strength, Peace and Love in the coming days, as your Mom transitions to eternity. I have been through this process with all 4 of our parents, and tried my best to see that life is a journey, and we can only be so lucky to have loving family around us as we go home. Your Mother is so blessed to have you right there with her, try to see the meaning of her blessed life, and this now is not the end, but a new begining to the beautiful afterlife, all will be allright.

I will pray that her final time here on earth is gentle and kind, and that you find peace that you have been an amazing caregiver, and should be proud of how you have lovingly managed her care for so long. Take care of yourself.
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Prayers to you and to your Ella. You say she is ready and so are you, which I think in itself is a blessing. May you both be surrounded by peace and love.
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Prayers for you both. May her passing be as simple, gentle, and sweet as it was for my own dear mom.
I will swear until my last breath that my dad entered the room behind me and took her hand to accompany her Home just before she was gone.
May those dearest loved by your mother who have preceded her do the same.
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Update: Night #2 sitting up with Mom, and I would like to update everyone who has been so generous with their support and kindness. I truly believe your prayers are being answered for us. Moms condition remains pretty much the same...sleeping, babbling but still trying to sing, still can hold my hand and smile. I am so blessed. This is such precious time. So now I’m sitting in the dark with some random musings on the amazing outpouring of love and affection I’m finding that people in her NH have for her! Staff I’ve never met (like 2nd shift cleaning people, etc) are stopping in to recount funny stories about her. The Priest who performs Mass here on Wednesday’s heard about her condition and dropped in to say a blessing for her and us, even though we’re not Catholic. A favorite aide visited on her day off to check on her. A comfortable gerichair appeared today when the Social Worker heard I’d slept in a chair last night. A tray of coffee and donuts appeared in her room when the staff saw the family visit. I was trying hard to keep it together, but that tray turned me into a blubbering mess!
i realize some posters demonize Nursing Homes, so I’m so thankful that I found one with such humanity. It just shows that Medicare ratings aren’t everything, and sometimes second choices can work out for the best.
Thank you all and I will keep you posted as we move on down the path.
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Update day #4. After 2 bad days, yesterday Mom was singing, eating lots of ice cream, drinking with a straw and talking a little more understandably. Today her breathing got labored and we decided to start a dose of roxinol. It was a very hard decision for me. And her reaction is exactly what I expected... breathing is better but she slept all day after only 1 dish of ice cream. I’m afraid I may have heard my last song. Heartbroken.
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(((((Hugs)))))))
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You and your mom are in my prayers tonight, Rocket.

God, I ask your compassion for Ella that she find peace in these difficult days.
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May The Lord God almighty give you strength and comfort during this hard time, may He wrap your mom, Ella in His loving arms and make her transition from this old worn out body to her new immortal body peaceful and gentle.

May you and your family receive grieving mercies and peace, may you all know that even though you will not have her here, you will one day go to be with her were there is no more sickness, crying or pain.

HUGS! We ask these things in The precious name of Jesus.
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Rocket,

Thinking of you and your mom. and hoping this passage goes smoothly for both of you.

My experience with what you're going through is limited. MIL was in-home hospice care. Family had been told her time was soon. I had just finished my "shift" of bedside watch and went to take a quick shower. MIL passed peacefully during those 15 minutes. I hope it goes as well for you. ((((Hugs)))))
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Update Day #6: Mom is very slowly progressing downhill. Of course the roxinol has rendered her pretty doped up, not speaking, and she hadn’t had any fluids since Friday. She has developed Cheyn-Stokes breathing.which in her case is 30 seconds of normal breath followied by 30 seconds of no breathing. I’m posting this to share with those on the forum who haven’t gone through this yet, since it’s a very scary but evidently common phenomenon. The roxinol smooths out that breathing almost immediately so that’s good. She can rest easier and so can I. This Gerichair is comfortable and I appreciate it, but the reclining and footrest controls are at the back of the chair, intended for the caregiver. So I position it the way I want while standing, then back into it. To get out I basically have to levitate myself out. Luckily i have no witnesses!
A coincidence is that another lady down the hall is also on the same path as mom at about the same stage. Her daughter and I are supporting each other and it’s been a blessing to have someone to talk to who’s going through it. Thanks for the prayers...I’m sure this support was the result of one.
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Rocket

wish I could bring you some food and drink and music
you are a hero
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Update: My sweet Mom passed away last night. I was able to be with her right to the end. It was a rough week for her but she’s finally actually resting comfortably. The staff at the nursing home was beyond caring, and treated her and myself like queens this week. And as the funeral home removed her they call for an Honor Guard of many staff and her caregivers who lined the halls and lobby as she was escorted out with the family. It’s a wonderful tradition they’ve started so the loved one “goes out the same door they came in.”
She didn’t want a funeral or wake as she always believed they were too painful for the remaining family. This was typical since was always concerned about other people, and wanting us to be happy. She wanted to be cremated and “thrown off the bluff” at our favorite old picnic spot on Lake Ontario, so that’s what we’ll do for her. And for me, I will sprinkle some ashes at her Brother’s, Mom’s and Dad’s graves. And that will make me happy. She was my Sunshine.
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Rocket: Many (((((hugs))))) and good wishes. I'm so sorry for your loss.
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I'm so sorry rocketjcat. I lost my mom in October and our experience in mom's final days sounds similar to yours, I chose to leave before the honour guard though. I know that even though in your mind you are prepared your heart is broken. Take care of yourself.
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