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Hi All,
Thanks for the words of encouragement and support for when the relatives descended on us for Thanksgiving. No, I did not head for the movies or out for the weekend. Nice thoughts, but It would have created complete uproar.
It was not as bad as I thought in some things, worse in others.
First, I had left last-minute chores to, well, the last minute the day before. Now, when Mom’s aides come in, they are usually looking for more to do than sit with Mom. This aide was not one of the regular aides. She was to help Mom shower and dress. I laid clothes out (do that daily) for her. I had a few chores (dust and vacuum family room, sweep kitchen,) that would not take the aide away from Mom while I cleaned bathrooms. The aide who arrived, not from the regular group, announced that she had hurt herself and could not do any housework. I had to run out to do an errand and called and complained to agency. While the young lady there was sympathetic, no response from agency. But, the housework got done. I also arrived home and found Mom still in robe, not having showered. A few words to her and a sharp one to the aide, and the shower was going
Next, Group 1, my sister and niece arrived bringing Dog #1 and food that was not mentioned in our email/texting correspondence. My niece is vegetarian and brings her own supplies, and of course I had food for the dinner, so to say the refrigerator was overfilled is an understatement. Moaning began then. I suggested placing some items in the stand-alone freezer, thawing them when needed. That was not appreciated.
Fortunately, Dog #1 gets along with our own dog and they were playing after 10 minutes or so of sniffing and mutual barking. That was entertaining for Mom, but she was afraid they were hurting each other (they were not.)
Cats were ensconced in my room because 1. Dog #1 does not like cats, and I was told, “She might kill them” 2. My sister-in-law (Group 2) is allergic to cats.
I had already made loaded mashed potatoes and dressing. Except for final prep of the bird, and making whipped cream, I was done. At sister’s insistence, the 18 lb. bird went into the oven at 9:30 a.m. so the kitchen would be cleared in time for her to warm her foods. We have a convection oven, and I could not get through to my relatives that it would cook faster. Of course, the bird was ready at 1 p.m., and dinner was planned for 3 p.m. Swathed the beautiful (if I do say so myself) brown bird in layers of foil.
Group 2 (Brother, his wife, and two nearly grown daughters) arrived with Dog #3, a five-month-old puppy. Everybody streamed out through the sliding doors to back patio to watch dogs frisk.
I discovered that the glass patio door was stuck when I went in to check on cooking. Somehow it was off the now-warped track. Brother got it back on and shut but a professional needs to come out now. Yes, call a pro Thanksgiving Day, siblings. Dogs now must be escorted through garage, up drive to back gate. Sister thinks this good opportunity to upgrade to French doors. “Be sure to get five estimates and send us all of them, dear.”
Dinner was fine. Bird still warm, everything fine. Until evening. Mom sundowned hard. She wanted to “go home,” in this case back to New England. Brother started making noise that he could find a dozen assisted living places in area on his cell phone and Mom needed “professional” care.
I suggested to sister and niece (who is training to be an RN) that it was too many people and confusion and that visits must be limited, i.e. not both sibs and family at a time. Niece protested that she wanted to see granny. I replied that was fine, but not six people and four dogs at once. Got dirty looks from sister and niece.
Day after Thanksgiving, siblings insisted mom be “treated” to lunch at local restaurant. Nice, but when we got home, we had the whole panoply of “This is not my house, we don’t live here, I am not comfortable here.” Add the banging of the walker and threatening to hit me.

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Wellllll, next year they all need to get hotel rooms. Leave the dogs home. Stick by your guns.

My husbands Aunt is 87. Ten years ago her daughter thought it was a great idea for 2 of her daughters and 7 kids come for a visit from NM driving 3 days to get to NJ. DHs Aunt has a 2 bedroom house with 1 b/r. Her son lives with Aunt and had his own room and bath. No, he doesn't give it up or should he. There is a sitting area where there's one of those chairs that make into a bed. One of the daughters came here with her 4. But still there were 7 still atcAunts house. Daughter and gdaughter took Aunts bed while she slept on the chair bed. (She suffers from arthritis) and the kids layed all over the floor in the living room. It rained so the kids were on the porch but kept running in and out. DA asked that they not do that and daughter said they would leave if it was too much for DA. Really! They were there at least a week. Next time they planned on coming out, the son said they needed to stay in Hotels because the septic system could not take them all. I always wondered where daughters head was. Thinking that anyone would want 10 people descending on them and 7 children under 10. Especially a 77 yr old woman with health problems.

Mom will probably be worse by nxt year. You need to explain that people suffering from Dementia cannot take loads of people. Too much stimulation and overwhelming. They like structure. Actually, tell them to read up on it.

Next yr have ur dinner. Make it short for Moms sake. Then have each family take her to dinner or lunch. Making it short. That way they each have time with Mom.

I bet ur so tired. Hope u can enjoy the rest. Thanks for the update.
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Yes, hotels. And NO DOGS.

maybe have them change up the days so that only 2-3 are in the house at any one time.

I know that if I had even 2-3 people in the house at the same time...the price was going to be one dilly of a scene of sundowners before dinner.
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Wow. That would be extremely hard to deal with. I always felt abandoned by my siblings taking care of my mom alone. No one visits during the holidays but maybe this is a blessing.
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