So, my husband and I spent the better part of a year downsizing, purchasing/closing and selling/closing on two homes, moved our business to our new home, have supported our youngest daughter through a divorce and are now assisting with her new home purchase. During this time in the last six months, we took my 93+ year old mother with dementia back and forth for 9 weeks to have her dentures fully replaced. So, we're just feeling like we're coming to the end of a whirlwind, and I just get a call from the AL that my mother apparently flushed her (new, less than 5 months old) lower dentures down the toilet in the middle of the night. Found myself bursting into frustrated tears, which I admit caught me a bit off guard. Guess I just needed to vent to some folks I know can truly empathize after which, once again, I'll be setting up multiple dental appointments for the lost denture replacement. I know this will all end when she's passed away but this always waiting for the next shoe to drop in the middle of a relatively minor lull is more than exhausting!!!
My Mom, who was in her 90's, would be breaking her dentures or needing them adjusted because she would put the dentures in to eat then take them out right after eating. Even if what she was eating was one cookie. She never got use to wearing them all day. Thus in-out a half dozen times a day.... [sigh]
This had been going on for 60 some years, but it was only the past 7 years that it became part of my life coming and going to the dentist. That dentist was a saint as he was so patient with my Mom, and most of the time wouldn't charge her for adjustments.
Now, don't get me started on Mom's hearings aid.
Frankly, my sibs, her friends, etc. had been trying to get Mom to give up driving for a few years but when I read the notice to her and asked where her prescription eyeglasses were.....lost....again, of course. Mom picked up a pair of $12 WalMart readers and told me, "No problem, I'll just wear these for the test.".....Hmmmm....NO, Mom....your DL specifies "prescription" corrective lenses!....jeez...
So, I take Mom back to the optometrist, she picks out new frames, we order 2 more new eyeglasses (been ordering multiples for over a year becuz they always "disappear").....before they ever arrive, the great state of FL sends her a new DL.....no vision test having been taken! Not to get on a rant about FL but, seriously, you have a 90 YO who needs to renew their DL and you require NO Driving Test??!!!
Luckily, Mom decided (after I had her Dr. talk to her) to give up driving (we made sure she had plenty of rides in place).....yeah!!...one small step, etc....Funny (not) but my brother took Mom over to her storage place a few weeks later. The guys there all said,"Hey, Mrs. C....remember the last time you were here and we had to help you find where you parked your car....hahaha"......YIKES....
Hearing Aids!!....AND those tiny little batteries that only last 5 days.....ARGHHH....
Well, there won't be a big party or any dancing for Mom's 95th B'Day next month. She's bedridden now but still sweet and smiling. No more eyeglass worries, no more hearing aid worries, no more driving worries.....we'll take that right now.
13 years with that selfish B*****d (my FIL) living in my home, and still when he was told that we too, (just like he did upon retirement) will be selling our home to move to less stressful and physically taxing home ownership due to hubby's bad back issues and my arthritis issues, to move into a Condo and begin enjoying a little living and do some vacationing, while our own health still will allow for some, and all he can think about is himself. Not What we have given up to provide him a worry free place for him to live in, Not the multi thousands of dollars we've saved him from living on his own (even though we in hindsight did both him and us a disservice), all my husband is hearing is "what's to become of ME?", even after several sessions of several hours long discussions my husband has had with him, assuring him that we aren't abandoning him, and that we won't be far away. He will not and cannot conceed to the fact that this is the best thing for all of us, and doesn't understand that We NEED Our Time Now, and He is unable to adjust his thinking that he had 15 great years of stress free and enjoyable retirement, alone with his own wife before she passed away, thanks in part to my husband and myself. And even though, like you IMB1234, the next few months are going to be extremely difficult for me to leave the home that I have Loved for 20+ years, and how unbelievably hard it is to have to go through and downsize and give away so many of my prized possessions, because realistically they all will not fit in a much smaller place as we intend to buy, just for sensibility sake, as like all of you, weve been through the downsizing with both sets of parents before, and do not wish to leave that burden to our own kids. It's not like he has Dementia, well maybe a little, and he Never cared for an elder parent a day in his life, but to have absolutely No appreciation for what we have done for him! It really pisses me off, but this is I suppose, what to expect from a Narcissist.
I know we are in for many more days to come of the "Next Shoe to Drop", and that these next 6 months will be the hardest of our lives, especially getting him accustomed to the idea and then adjusted to living on his own for the first time in his whole life ever(albeit in Assisted living)! I am planning for the best, while preparing for the worst, but this too shall pass, I just wish it were already over, and we were all settled! I too am exhausted just thinking about it!
It never ends does it, not really, not til it is well and truly over, and then I feel bad even thinking like this! Its been a long road, and I am tired!
I do appreciate hearing about your experiences and adjustments made with your LO's. What has workd and what hasn't, and especially the right way to get things done! Great discussion thread, good luck to everyone who going through this!
When my Mom gave up driving.......her decision, that is when she really started to decline in my opinion. She became a recluse almost. I think most days I was the only person she ever saw. Sad, considering she had 5 other kids. :P
I get so pissed off at my family. I know it's all water under the bridge now but I still can't get over what a bunch of selfish, self-centered ingrates they all are.
My sister e-mailed us all the other day telling us she still wants to do Christmas at her place this year. I don't think any of us want to go there anymore cause she just lords it over everybody. Last year my two brothers-in-law had a big screaming match and it was the first Christmas without Mom. It basically sucked, big time. I feel like telling her to cram it. Take your fancy dancy Christmas tree and shove it where the sun don't shine.
There ............got that out of my system. I feel much better.
Florida automatically renews your driver's license? That's awful! My dad drove scary. He would cross the lanes despite all three lanes had oncoming cars and a tourist bus - near hits. He would drive straddling 2 lanes, etc... In our island, you have to take the eye test before you can renew your license. Dad failed it and sweet-talked the man to disregard the failed eye test and renew his license. He got it. Then time passed and I never reminded him that his DL was expiring soon. He finally remembered it but it was too late. I lied to him. I told him that since it's been several months past the expiration, he would have to take the written and the road test again. He changed his mind.
I decided to scoop out the little box, lo and behold I found the eye glasses.... apparently our boy "Charlie" the cat had took them and buried them in the box. We should have looked there first or in his toy box, as he was in the stage of taking things, like credit cards and putting them in his toy box.
Mom being bedridden, her days are sadly, numbered?
That leads to "are my parents still alive?" "Are yours?"
"Who bought my parents house? Did I get any money from that?"
an aside: Their deaths happened over 40 years ago.
I could go on and on about where this leads each night .... usually in an argument.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Tony in Houston .. from Virginia ..