Advice on family caregivers in TN?

It's fine if you want to devote your life to family caregiving, ask them to write you a check. Or look into Medicaid minimum pay for family caregivers if the patient qualifies for services.

But to say in your profile, "very passionate about elderly people know that when they go to nursing home they are getting hit on or not fed or/and being abused is so sad and I think it should be one of the number one things on this country’s list to protect the elderly" is misinformation and a gross generalization! I have family members who wound up dying IN HOME with "family caregivers" and coming back to life in nursing homes where they went on to live 5 more years.

What organization would you imagine would pay you to care for your elder in their home enough money for you to live on?
If you are speaking of Medicaid I encourage you to call your Tennessee Medicaid offices and ask for someone to supply you the information on getting paid to do in-home care for your loved on.
They can supply you with all the facts and all the documentation they need from you.
Best of luck.

Do understand, and we have seen often, that many caregivers end up homeless and jobless at the end of care, without a job history. We have had to suggest to some they go to a homeless shelter because the home of the elder where they were living has gone to the state and federal government by "clawback" and retrieving funds upon the death of the elder.

Your best option is to negotiate with the family member to pay you directly - and draw up a contract as to your responsibilities, hours you are "on the clock", and the pay.

All too often what we see is "family caregivers" looking for pay, who meet one of a few criteria. Either they are conscripted into service (read: GUILTED) because their family member doesn't have enough money to pay a licensed caregiver to care for them in their home and doesn't want to go into residential care (because they have heard horror stories) or because family is trying to preserve the family member's funds for an inheritance down the road instead of using their funds to pay for their care, or because the "family caregiver" needs a place to stay and moving in with the family member to "care" for them seems like an easy solution - and then they land on the idea of getting paid for it as well.

While there may be *some* funds available, it is RARELY enough to live off of. And there is a gap in documented work experience once the caregiver time is over - and in all likelihood you are also homeless as well. VERY QUICKLY. Especially depending on WHY you are filling the role of family caregiver.

BUT - I'll indulge the question. A quick, easy Google search - Google is your friend. "Can a family member be paid to be a caregiver in Tennessee?"

https://www.payingforseniorcare.com/tennessee/choices#:~:text=Under%20CHOICES%2C%20the%20adult%20children,be%20paid%20to%20be%20caregivers.

https://www.joingivers.com/how-to-get-paid-caregiver/tennessee#:~:text=In%20most%20cases%2C%20to%20get,more%20control%20over%20their%20care.

https://www.tn.gov/tenncare/long-term-services-supports/choices.html#:~:text=Tennessee's%20CHOICES%20program%20provides%20older,or%20in%20a%20nursing%20facility.

I'd also like to add - as Lealonnie mentioned - your profile states - "very passionate about elderly people know that when they go to nursing home they are getting hit on or not fed or/and being abused is so sad and I think it should be one of the number one things on this country’s list to protect the elderly".

Is this something you have experienced first hand and that is why you feel so passionately about protecting your loved ones from a local facility that you believe is subpar? If that is the case- there are avenues that you can use to report those facilities if you have first hand knowledge of the abuse or neglect.

But you should be mindful of the fact that - while there are - I'm sure - facilities that do have neglect and abuse - there are also also MANY MANY situations where there is a great deal of misinformation being spread about nursing homes in general.

I can give you a GREAT example from PERSONAL experience. Last year we HAD to put my FIL in a SNF after several years of at home care. We finally hit the point where at home care was IMPOSSIBLE. We found an AMAZING facility. The staff there were awesome. They took fantastic care of him.

But he was resentful. Even though he participated in the choice. He wanted to stay in his his home. And it just wasn't possible. And he had early stage dementia.

His sister lived 800 miles away, and hadn't seen him in over 10 years in person but they talked frequently. FIL was a dyed in the wool narcissist and lied as a matter of course well before the dementia. But the dementia ramped things up considerably. And his sister believed every word he said.

When he moved to the SNF - he began to tell tall tales about waiting for them for HOURS(double digits) to bring him food or change his diaper. He would call us to tell us he was waiting for them - and they would literally be in the room with him - we could hear them. He would butt dial us and not realize that we could hear and call us 10 minutes later and tell us he hadn't seen anyone all day ( we had just heard him talking to them). We heard him have conversations with food services telling them he didn't like what was for dinner and they would tell him they would bring him a sandwich, then he would call us and tell us that they didn't bring him ANY dinner and that he had been pushing his button for HOURS yelling for a sandwich- the person would come back in with the sandwich WHILE we were on the phone!.

He would tell his sister these same things and she would believe every word of it. She would call up there screaming at people for mistreating him. She would call us screaming that we had put him somewhere that was neglecting him. We explained that he wasn't telling her the truth, explained that he had dementia, nothing we said mattered.

She called the Ombudsman for our state and got him on the phone to tell his story of abuse and neglect and he went to town. Telling all of the tales of woe. How they ignored his calls for help, how they never answered his button (by the way, those are tracked), how he waited for HOURS for anyone to help him. The Ombudsman listened to his entire story. Then asked his permission to launch an investigation on his behalf.

He IMMEDIATELY recanted his entire story and refused to allow them to investigate.

He was never ONCE abused or neglected there. But if you only listened to him - you would believe he lay in his bed - trapped - in feces filled diapers - for hours on end - ignored - with no help in sight. His button pushes ignored.

The reality is that they were VERY attentive. In spite of being understaffed. He didn't even PUSH his button half the time. Sometimes he even intentionally pulled it out of the wall. There were nurses there that cried when he passed away last month. We've received condolence cards and calls from them.

(Continued)

For every good family caregiver, you'll find those who go into it for the wrong reasons.

From those who are trapped in it because THEY have nowhere to go themselves, those who are trying to preserve the family home, their inheritance, obligation, and even worse and most dangerous - an adult child caregiving for their abuser.

Family in-home caregiving is NEVER 100% always the right answer. It is never 100% always the safe answer. It is never 100% always the ideal answer.

Every family has to do what is right for their loved one and what is right for themselves.

The nursing home abuse narrative is baloney. Yes, there are going to be instances of abuse anywhere that houses a vulnerable population. Schools. Hospitals. Their own homes. Church, even.

But nursing homes are regulated, and they undergo inspections. They are certified to care for people who need their help. You're rarely going to find a facility where elders are hit, choked, raped, denied food, or killed. Rarely. Some of the finest people I've ever known work in these facilities. They are kind, loving, and work hard to ensure that their patients have all they need at this difficult stage of their lives.

So just stop spreading misinformation. If you know of a specific facility where  "they are getting hit on or not fed or/and being abused," report it to the proper authorities.

There are no organizations that pay family to care for a LO. The family member pays you or u work free. The free a lot of us can't do, we need to wirk. Medicare may do some intermediate care but its not a lot of hours. Medicaid, in home, you need to have no more than 2k in assets. The hours paid are few.

My Mom was in an Assisted Living than a Long-term care facility and she was kept cleaner in LTC. I saw no abuse of the residents. I think the aides get more abuse than they may give. My daughter is an RN and got punched in the head by a resident. Yes, there are probably badly run places and they have also been shut down. My State is very big on inspections. Always hearing from my daughter how the State is in the building. They get fined for chipped paint.

Unless you have experienced these generalities, you should not say anything. No, your family member is not going to get the hands on care u may give. No, their clothes may not match but they should be clean. No, her hair is not styled just so but its brushed. I would like u to dress 10-15 people within an hr or 2. Thats getting them dressed from head to toe. My daughter says your dressed from the top down. And hope to God that they don't fight you. You have to get them toileted and teeth brushed to and then make sure they all get down to breakfast.