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89 yr old father with ALZ and Dementia. he has always been hyper-sexual (even to his own children). Always considered himself a ladies' man, Casanova type person. He has only been in this nursing home for 3 months and already 4 reports of him entering other women's rooms and kissing them. One was asleep and woke up screaming, had to to go thru DON Dept of Nursing for that one. Other times the female patients seem to think he is the boyfriend and want to kiss and visit in their rooms. Nursing home policy is to notify the families of those involved. I am worried about the female patients' families a lot. But these calls are getting tiring and stressful. The last nursing home he was off the hook with demanding mouth kisses from every female he encountered, staff and visitors and other patients. At home between nursing home, I could barely keep home health care or family visitors due to his sexual behavior. No use talking to him, explaining he can't do that; he either has forgotten, doesn't care, thinks it is wonderful, defensive, blames someone else for wanting him so much they can't keep their hands off of him reasoning...anyone else encounter this from a parent? How do you cope? Any suggestions? He is wheelchair bound. I've even thought about asking if they could just remove his wheelchair once he is in bed for the night to keep him in his own room. I'm getting worried he will soon be kicked out of this nursing home for his lecherous behavior. I'm not dealing with him cornering me again with me taking care of him, always trying to get under my shirt or demanding mouth kisses or trying to coax me into his bed...shudder. This behavior is not new, we couldn't even have friends over while growing up because of his sexual nature. the behavior has just escalated to new heights with the ALZ. Any HELP out there?

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A friend's dad has dementia and is beyond being simply aggressively flirtatious. There is a specific type of dementia where sexuality is the main difficulty with the person, exactly as you described. My friend's dad used to be a cop,a position of authority where everyone smiled and agreed wth him while he was on duty of course. Now that he is retired, and has dementia, he thinks all the women should still be smiling to him, and flirtatious right back at him. He will never accept that he is not an alpha male anymore, per his past profession as a cop. However...if a lady were to come on to him and treat him the same way he tried to treat her, he'd run scared, so perhaps that info might help. One other thing; employees in a nursing home are trained to handle all types. Don't let them try to make you feel as though he is an exception; he is merely another personality, and still a person, and they willhave to "bother" to take care of him properly and handle this situation properly. I am a state volunteer advocate for senior citizens in nursing home settings. If I see something not being handles right, the facility gets wrote up and then state comes in to ivestigate, etc. So you hang in there, as to speak with head nurse to see how they are handling his diagnosis, and also ask who is the State Long Term Care Ombudsman for that facility. : )
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Do not ever take him back into your home!
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I have a question about this.....do they not have nursing homes for only men or woman or ones with separate floors?
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A wheelchair should always be put away out of sight when the person is in bed so the person isn't tempted into trying to get in it by themselves.

This must be a very difficult situation for you. Hopefully someone who has had a similar experience will respond to your post.

Since your father's had this issue for what sounds like most of his adult life he's not likely to change now. I think his being asked to leave the NH at some point is a very real concern.

Have you spoken to his Dr. about anti-anxiety meds? I don't think your father's behavior is related to anxiety but the meds may slow him down a bit. If it were my father I'd rather he be medicated than prowling the hallways looking for women to assault.
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Kala, both testicular cancer and prostate hyperplasia can trigger hypersexual activity. He needs a good checkup and PSA test. Testicles are imaged via MRI. If he ever took any testosterone enhancing supplements, he is at risk.
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I agree with the above....leave it to the professionals. Do not accept attitudes over the phone ( as if you can control dad's behavior). Your father is not an exception. In fact sexual activity between the elderly in nursing homes is a known problem. Every facility has a patient representative who is a go between with the patient, family and facility. I suggest you get in touch with this staff member. Let him/her know how poorly the staff has treated you. Let him/her do the job they get paid for .
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Excellent answer, Gilliboo.

I am a former Ombudsman Supervisor, so with that in mind ...
Previous nursing facilities where your father lived will have documentation of his behavior, therefore, his present nursing home must have known about his sexual predilections before accepting him as a resident. By accepting your dad as a resident, the present facility acknowledged that they could deal with the behavior issues and have no excuse in the discharge of your father unless he is endangering another resident.
In case the facility does send a 30-day discharge notice, they must ensure he is going to a safe and healthy environment before sending him on his way, and it seems the only place to send him is home to you. Say no to this. If you do not accept him into your home, the facility cannot place him elsewhere without your (if you are Power of Attorney) permission.

Call the Ombudsman Supervisor for the facility. She works for the Aging Services Division of your state's Dept of Human Services (or whatever it's called where you live). The Ombudsman is an advocate for the residents of long term care facilities.

Suggestions: Ask the facility to assign a male CNA/nurse to your father. When a male nurse is not available, the facility should assign two female CNAs to him so they can protect each other. As for the female residents, perhaps a bell on his door (nothing too loud) might help alert the night staff that your father is up and about so they can keep a close eye on his wanderings. There should be enough staff to ensure your father receives the kind of care he needs. Although, I still think you need to talk to his doctor about his behavior.

Side note: placing a safety belt on a wheelchair is considered a restraint and against the law unless his doctor prescribes it, an authorized nurse or doctor checks on him every 30 minutes and he is released every few hours, and there is permission from your father (in his right mind) or his POA. Restraints are complicated and can be dangerous. While an Ombudsman, I found a female resident strangling when she tried to slide under the seat belt restraint to get loose.

KalaFW, you are in a difficult situation. Please let us know how things go and what was done to help you. Good luck.
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I agree with Pam. In fact, I wonder if he could be taking Viagra?

Many men of his generation seemed to think it was perfectly acceptable to make sexual remarks to women, and to get "handsy" sometimes. It was part of proving they were real he-men, or something. I can't tell you how many old-timers I had to push off me when I started out working as a young newspaper reporter. No matter how much I told them it wasn't acceptable, they never seemed to get the message. It was something about "the Greatest Generation" that I found particularly revolting.
Definitely move his wheelchair so he can't go creeping into women's rooms at night, like the Sheik of Araby.
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One good thing is that you do not live with your father.

As a nursing home staff myself, I do have some advices to you. The next time when you speak with the staffs who can make decisions in the nursing home, for example social worker, head nurse etc. for the safety of your father and other residents in the nursing home, you can suggest and agree the following :

a. Agree having him on a wheelchair which he could not unbuckled his safety belt, so that he would not fall again.

b. Agree having him rest in a bed after breakfast, lunch, dinner and especially at night as often as he wishes or "as needed". When he is in bed, move his wheelchair away from his bed, having the bed rail up, ELEVATE the leg part of the bed while the head part down. In doing so, you are preventing him from the risk of fall himself, and preventing him from entering the room of other female residents. To my best knowledge, such preventive actions does not legally considered restraint, while serving good purposes to ultimately everyone that is involved, your father, other residents, the families, the nursing staffs etc.

Wish my advices to you do help and peace be with you.
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From what you say, this is a pattern of behaviour exhibited throughout his life, so it is not a matter of his age. The major concern is that he does not force his attentions on those that do not welcome them.

Obviously, those taking care of him have to be extra-vigilant. That is their responsibility.

Your dad is not the first elderly Lothario and will not be the last. It is a problem, but it is one that can be solved or minimised by vigilant and energetic staff. Limiting his mobility is not really fair, especially an 90 years old.

Someone, a statesman, said, "Vigilance is the price of peace," or some such.

You have to admire a man his age that still gets around and is not yet done with life. Keeping a watchful eye on him to make sure his unwanted attentions do not go unchecked and do not cause problems for other clients is the responsibility of the NH.

The nursing home is in the best position to monitor his roamings without him having to be chemically sedated. Chemical interventions are more often applied to give NH staff an easier life without regard to the patient's needs.

It is not as though he were a homicidal maniac on the prowl for his next victim. Try not to let this worry you too much.
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