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My mother spent most of September in the hospital and rehab. My Dad had her discharged early from rehab because he claimed they weren't doing anything for her. He said he wanted her with him and that he could take care of her himself. He is not physically capable of taking care of her. Throughout her hospital stay she had hospital delirium and still hasn't returned to her pre-hospital mental state. She has A-fib and congestive heart failure. In October we had her changed from Independent Living to Assisted Living. Neither of my parents could find her discharge papers or her current list of meds. Having her as AL means the facility will step in and get her current meds from the Dr office and administer them. We also wanted her in Memory Care but Dad refused because of the cost. When he got the bill with the charges for AL he first worked to discredit the facility and blame them for some missing meds. I learned today that they had their Dr. write an assessment that claims both are capable of IL so they don't have to pay for the extra fee. Neither myself or my sisters have any sort of POA, medical or financial. They are POAs for each other and will not change it. I am frustrated that all our efforts to care for Mom had been overturned by our selfish and negligent Dad. I feel like my hands are tied. Thoughts and suggestions please.

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Mom, if incompetent can't be Dads POA. So I may ask Dad to assign someone to take Moms place. That will only be in effect if he can no longer make decisions, but u will have it.

I think you have to just back off at this point. Dad is incharge, good or bad. You can be stay in the background until needed.

What are ur parents ages?
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Sounds like you have little option than to back away and let dad find out for himself that mom’s caregiving needs have changed and are too much for him. He won’t find it out with you stepping in. It’s a miserable place for you to be, but unless he’s either incompetent or ill there’s not much else to do
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It would be helpful to know your dad's age, as this may lead to understanding if he himself has some sort of cognitive issue, which would affect his ability to make decisions for your mom. Short of pursuing guardianship for your mom through the courts, I don't think you have any ability to do anything. You will need to wait until there is some sort of crisis and then see if there's a chance to step in. If you don't think your father is taking good care of your mom, you can request a wellness check by APS. Not sure how he will take that.
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