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No I am not thinking of harming myself. Thinking hard about not trying to care for spouse anymore. Not sure if It will even be physically possible anymore but it takes both our pensions together to pay for rent and make ends meet. If I place him in a facility I will lose all support from his income. I get just a few hundred dollars too much to qualify for any kind assistance. I’ll need to find someplace decent where I can afford to live which is impossible in my area on what I get alone. Crime and decent housing is so bad the closer you get to the city. Anyone else in or been this impossible situation? What did you do? I’m in such pain due to my own health problems and looking at sugery in a few days that will require at the least 8 weeks before I can lift over 3lbs.

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Lishie, welcome!

While DH is in acute rehab, you need to talk to the Social Worker there and explain that you can no longer care for you husband at home.

The social worker may be able to help with doing an application for Long Term Care Medicaid, or she may advise you to find a Medicaid Planner who can help.

Then you need to find a NH that will accept him for sub-acute rehab and will be able to keep him there as a long term care resident.

Medicaid does not seek to impoverish the spouse who is at home. If you need some of his income for support, it will be available to you.

This link may be helpful:

https://www2.illinois.gov/hfs/info/Brochures%20and%20Forms/Brochures/Pages/HFS3191.aspx

But DO start with the SW dept. where your husband is getting care.
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LTC Medicaid is designed to not leave the spouse impoverished. Please meet with a state social worker from the Department of Human services to discuss your situation. You will be allotted some of your husband's income to support yourself if necessary.
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You will not lose his income.

I suggest after rehab you have DH transferred to a nice LTC facility. Where I live rehab and LTC are in the same building.

Medicaid allows for splitting of assets. With my GFs parents, they had 60k in savings. That was split 30k for his care and she got 30k. His 30k got spent down and then Medicaid was applied for. She became the Community Spouse being able to stay in the home and have a car. You will get partial or all of you monthly income (SS and/or pension) to live on. The Community Spouse is not made impoverished. You will probably need an elder lawyer to help with the splitting of assets if you have any. One versed in Medicaid.

You need to talk to the SW now and explain DH cannot come home. That you physically can no longer care for him and you have an operation coming up. If he is placed and Medicaid will be needed, do not leave it all up to the SW to apply and follow thru. In my State Your given 90days from application to give Medicaid info needed, spend down, and get the person placed. If not done in those 90 days, you start all over. Know who the Medicaid caseworker is. Call him/her every so often to make sure everything has been done that needs to be done.
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Mysteryshopper Feb 2022
I agree it's important to stay on top of the Medicaid caseworker. In my situation, I was at the facility in a meeting with the caseworker asking for an update on Medicaid. He assured me all was well and it just "takes some time." I agreed that it was a slow process, etc and sympathized with him. While I was there, another family member for a different patient showed up asking the same thing. Impression was that she'd been waiting even longer than I had for Medicaid approval and she was given the same reassurance I was etc. WELL. Turned out this man had not submitted ANYONE's Medicaid paperwork. Didn't know what he was doing. Didn't seem to absorb anything when the Medicaid "guru" from corporate came to shadow/assist him for a day or two. Basically spent his whole day assuring families all was well and truth was being hidden that he wasn't doing any real work. He was a nice man, but I think he was in the wrong job and lacked the business sense to address his problems so he covered them up. I think they let him resign. It was several weeks before I even knew he was gone because I was so bamboozled into thinking our stuff was in process and didn't worry too much in that moment that I hadn't heard from him. His replacement didn't last either as I've seen lots of turnover in those types of jobs. Eventually, everything was approved and now it's just a yearly renewal. Stay on top of it.
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Does your husband make to much to receive assistance?

That needs to be addressed first. My dad made 14.00 a month to much to qualify for assistance but, we are in a state that allows Miller Trusts, this is not a DIY. www.nelf.org is the place to find a certified elder law attorney. They will guide you through the process.

Have you considered a facility for both of you? It sounds like you could benefit from some assistance as well.
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I’m not sure how to use this platform to respond to all so please forgive me if I’m doing this wrong.
Thank you so very much to everyone for your most helpful suggestions and information. I now know what to do and how to accomplish it. I only have one more day before I have surgery and am in such bad shape I can barley cope for myself. All I can do is try to set things in motion and let God do what only he can do.
Truly thank you all and I will update at a later time. Hopefully I can help someone else as you have all helped me.
God Bless.
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SnoopyLove Aug 2021
God bless you, Lishie
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Good answers, but when you are in the hospital for surgery, ask to speak to either a Patient Advocate or a social worker, whichever the hospital has, about what you have posted. S/he may be able to help you apply for assistance on a "spend down" if that is possible, or they may be able to place you both where it will work. Please don't worry about this on top of surgery - there are resources out there for you. God bless and keep you and your husband.
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Find a Roomate
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It is painful to read your profile and your situation. Your husband, as much as love him, is not immortal. You have to think what would you do if he should pass. Now, he needs 24/7 help, and you need to address your situation with his problems before you have surgery. A social worker or Department of Health Services in your State should be able to help you. Start the conversation with someone ASAP for the benefit of both of you.
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I have a few suggestions for you
Catholic Charities DuPage County 1-630-495-8008
DuPage County Senior Services 1-630-407-6500 or 800-942-9412
DuPage Senior Citizens Council (located in Lombard) 1-630-620-0804
Humanitarian Service Project 1-630-221-8340
there is a great resource called Elderwerks it is a NOT for profit that provides educational services and referrals. ( it is a 501(c)(3))
Elderwerks.org and you can look at their resource directory on line.

If your husband or you are Veterans please contact your local Veterans Assistance Commission to let them help determine if you qualify for any services. (their services are free)
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Please talk to your surgeon about talking to social services at the hospital BEFORE your surgery. The social workers know the resources in your area. They can help you secure the help you and your spouse needs after your procedure. They can also help advise you about longer term options.
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RetiredWorking2 Aug 2021
This was good information. I've used the social worker at the hospital as a primary resource for my mother whose 98 and my younger sister who will be 64 on her birthday but she is also disabled. This information is a benefits to us as well.
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Hi Lishe....
Rest assured you will not have lose all of your spouse's income if it happens that he needs to move to a long-term care facility as a Medicaid recipient.
Federal Law provides for Community Spouse protections to prevent the spouse living in the community from becoming impoverished.
The guideline are the same for all states except Alaska and Hawaii and, depending on your shelter expenses (housing and other costs), you will be able to retain $2,739 of you and your spouses combined income and up to $109,560 of otherwise countable assets (the $109,950 does not include the house, automobile and personal effects).
Interestingly, Illinois' standards are quite a bit more restrictive than in other states, e.g., Florida the combined income limit (technically called the "Minimum Monthly Maintenance Needs Allowance or "MMMNA") is up to $3,260 and the Community Spouse asset limit is $130,360 (these are the Federal limits).
I hope these numbers work for you and your financial stress is somewhat relieved.
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Michelle2828 Sep 2021
what wonderful help you have given. i live in Canada, and just joined this site. i was really worrying and hoping she would be okay. good stuff to know.
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Lishe, how are you doing?
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The Department of Health and Human Services can provide the assistance you need including a care giver to assist both you and your spouse. I faced income limitations to get assistance with my disabled sister and senior parent and found a Christian based home service. I am careful to screen everyone who comes into my home but there service is free. I read the previous comment from Ralph and concur. Through Medicaid you can get assistance for both of you. The hospitals usually have a social worker or consultant on staff to research these challenges and they've provided a great deal of information to assist. There is another service that I used "Seniors Helping Seniors" that might be able to assist while you are recovering from your surgery. I am a retired senior as well and my pension does not allow me to recoup assistance from some programs, some even cost, however there are services that will get you the help you need for both you and your spouse without any income loss. I am going to research this one a little more. Hope some of this information is helpful.
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For everyone who says that the community spouse is not left impoverished... that depends on what you mean by impoverished. For those of us who are renters, $2800 monthly (or so) plus half the retirement money doesn't go far these days. Thanks to rampant government spending, inflation is higher than it has been in decades and shows no sign of abating. All of us who have fixed income are rapidly losing ground. I don't know what rents are where Lishie lives, but in most places they are going by incredible amounts. Hindsight is always 20/20, but I wish we had bought a condo or something a few years ago before the price of real estate went through the roof. My husband is a type 2 diabetic who is not taking care of himself, and when the crisis hits, and he has to go into assisted living, I am looking at living on not much, and losing half our retirement savings. That may not be true poverty, but it's going to hurt, a lot.
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Do you have a church, friends, or neighbors that would help out a little, maybe by bringing some meals? What about family? Every little bit of assistance would make your situation at least a little better.
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Okie, I have you petitioned Medicaid for an increased allowance due to the increase in your living expenses?
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Lishie: Many prayers sent.
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Contact the Medicaid office in your area. They do not take all of spouses income when he goes to NH. They do not 'impoverish' the spouse who stays at home. Medicaid representative can go over basic income and resources (bank accts, etc) to see how you would likely come out if you placed him. I suggest walking in to the office, if you can, so you can talk to a real worker who works these cases instead of some call center rep who just tries to get off the phone.

The other thing to think about now is what will happen when one of you dies? One check will be missing from the monthly income. If it takes both checks now, there is going to be about a month scrambling to find lower rent or start cutting off all unnecessary things like cell phone, internet, cable tv, etc because you'll be trying to balance everything with the one remaining check.
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Unfortunately, I do not have answers for you; I am sort of in the same position.
When you are able, please let us know how you and your husband are adjusting to whatever accommodation(s) were decided. You're in our thoughts & prayers.
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have you contacted your local office of aging for help? how about medicare disability? start with the local aging office and explain situation. wishing you luck.
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Oh dear lady I am Praying for you. This is definitely too much for you to do alone. Please contact your or his physician and ask for a social work consult to help him get placed and you to get all the financial help you can. The MSW can help you get Medicaid for him and you. Living in a crime ridden area such as Chicago will not be good for you as you know. Many communities such as Lombard will have social services departments whose job it is to help in these situations. Take care of your own health. And know that I am praying you can get the help you desperately need.



-Patti
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Michelle2828 Sep 2021
wow Patti, thank you on behalf of Lishie. the older and older i get, i'm starting to hear about these types of things that are happening - i'm only 52 but having lived to 52, you start realizing that life isn't forever ( :

it's so unfair AND so worrisome to know that OUR seniors (i live in Canada), but still i consider this lady, Lishie as one of my own (my mom was born in Boston MA - so i'm kinda proud to consider myself half American sometimes, too!

BUT i ask myself HOW? how on earth is it even remotely fair for our seniors to have to live with such worries? i'm not quite a senior now but when i read about these things, i start worrying, too.

i've noticed now, ever since joining "AgingCare" two months ago, i have read questions that were my questions, or things that i was thinking the exact same thing about, and i so appreciate it. the site is absolutely indispensable. there have been oh SO SO many GOLDEN tidbits that have been helping me with my mom and also my clients.

people sharing their worries and asking for a hand or words of encouragement. it is very courageous of them to do so when you think about it. a lot of people exposing their potential situations that could really become a nightmare.

thank goodness that we have individuals like Mr. Ralph Robbins who speaks a couple of paragraphs down from my paragraph: we are very lucky for people like him to allow us in on the areas of his expertise, but even just as important, there are a lot of us here in the group that care which is BEAUTIFUL.

Attention: Lishie, judging by the date of your original question, perhaps you've had your operation by now, or you are going to be soon, OR perhaps you're healing now as we speak. please know, i wish you the best success, and i'm thinking about you. somehow i know, that you're going to be ok.

i know there are people who are in opposition to the "God Talk" but i don't care, i admit, i do believe in God, and guess what? i've already said a prayer for the quick healing and resolutions you need have happen to make your life easier. please take care of yourself. AND, most importantly, please keep doing what you are doing by having the courage to ask these questions that probably hundreds of others are also worrying about, too.

Lots of hugs (-:

PS thanks Patti for allowing me to your comments as a vehicle for my praises - (-:
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Your disability income will not be affected if your husband goes into a nursing home. Depending on your age, if you're 55 and over you could qualify housing in a senior community and the rent is based on your income. These places are often very nice.
Could it be possible to get a roommate where you currently live to help make the rent so you can stay in your place?
Medicaid will not beggar a person into the street because their spouse is ill and has need of a nursing home. They will take into consideration that losing your husband's income will cause financial hardship on you. They will take some if he goes into a facility, but not all of it.
Please contact the Department of Social Services in your area and speak to a caseworker. There may be resources available to you that you don't know about. They can help you and will. Good luck.
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Hello and abundant blessings to all who come here looking for support and help and most definitely to all who come here helping us.

I wanted to come back and report on my situation and thank everyone here for their kindness and support when I needed it the most.

To all who are in an ongoing supportive role, I am praying for you all every day. I know the sacrifice you are making. God is always there. Hold on and know he has not forsaken you.

My caretaker role ended this past Monday 2/21/2022. My husband passed here at home with just the two of us. This has been the most difficult thing I have ever experienced in my 68 years of living. I have to say it was a very loud and scary passing. He was actively dying for just under 48 hours. Through God only I made it until the end taking care of him myself the entire time. I did have support from the Veterans Administration. They provided 12 hours a week from a caregiver and everything I needed. That was not perfect as good caregivers were difficult to get. It was a revolving door of people but I was grateful as I needed all the help I could get.

If you read my profile I have health issues myself. It was very painful for me every single day but I had no choice. I had placed him in a nursing facility during my own recovery period and it was horrible. I had to shorten my recovery period and as soon as I could walk bring him home. I don't know if I'm allowed to name the facility so I won't now. If it's permissible someone post and I will reveal.

I just wanted to come back and let you all know I/we made it. My spouse is at peace and no longer suffering.

To all those going through know, God is there and there is a light at the end.
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Llamalover47 Feb 2022
Lishie: I am so sorry for your loss. Deepest condolences.
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Sorry for your loss Lishie.
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I am so sorry for your loss.
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I so appreciate your update to us; I am so sorry for your loss.
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I'm sorry for your loss. May you receive many blessings and peace in your heart.
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Lishe
I am sorry to hear of your husbands passing. May you have memories of better times.
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Lishe im so sorry for your loss.
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So sorry for your loss. Thank you for updating us. So many posters don't do updates and its nice to hear how things were resolved.
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