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Every time they visit I have to take my mother to see the lawyer to clear things up for her. They upset her about money and have blown up and driven fast in the car with her. The lawyer is easy-going but I am tired of being traumitized myself. I took her to have neuropsychological testing so the doctor can hopefully write a letter. She does have a diagnosis of dementia. I had a talk with my mother and am thinking to have the lawyer write something up about her wishes when she is dying. She doesn't want them in her room.

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Get everything in writing to ensure her wishes are protected.

Maybe supervised visits will stop the harrassment and if not, moms wellbeing is the most important thing.
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Yes, I believe you can set the visiting conditions, It has to be what works best for your mum. But you need to look after you too. All this drama is not good nor safe for you or your mother. It is an excellent idea to have the lawyer write up her end of life wishes. Do it now while she can. Limiting visits in some form sounds wise.. Can you discuss it with her dr and get advice as to what is best for her? This takes the "blame" factor off you.
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If banning sisters is the best thing for Mom, then I think you can do it. She has a diagnosis of Dementia so ur POA should kick in. The sisters should not be discussing money with her since you probably are the one who handles it. If not, you should start.

Get the AL on your side. They can tell the sisters they are no longer allowed to visit because they upset Mom and they cannot allow that.

Why do you feel u need to take Mom to the Lawyers after a visit? Does she forget what he tells her? First, what ur doing is futile. Her short term is the first thing to go. Get that letter take it to the lawyer and have him write a letter saying the POA is now in effect. As long as you do everything in the best interest of Mom, then ur decisions should be OK.
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A POA can ask hospital staff to limit visits of other relatives deemed dangerous to her health. But they need to be able to prove why in the end.

Because this type of behavior opens both the nursing home and POA up to liability.

There are some parents who like to triangulate among their children and will say bad things about one sibling to another in order to engender sympathy and manipulate that child to do certain things.

Then the parent turns around and says something negative about the adult child they were just complaining to, to another sibling and another sibling, and round and round it goes.

This type of behavior is known as gaslighting and is typically rooted in a personality disorder rather than dementia. It can, however appear to be dementia, but it is not.

So, yes, a POA may be able to ban certain visitors, but they need to have proof of reasons, lest they open themselves to a civil suit or a complaint filed to adult protective services.

Sometimes a POA will limit contact with relatives because they are financially abusing the elder and do not want other family members to know.

If a POA is limiting your ability to visit, you can file a complaint with adult protective services or contact and attorney about suing both the nursing home and the POA for financial elder abuse.
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worriedinCali Apr 2019
OP is the one wanting to limit visits.
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If your mom has dementia, how do you know what she is telling you is true? What proof do you have?
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Your elder law attorney needs to be strong. If your mother has dementia then a POA may not be possible. Legally in our state an attorney cannot issue a POA unless individual is of sound mind. But ask your attorney. I had to petition the court for guardianship of my mother (has dementia) in order to take care of her and her estate and protect her from family "exloitation". What your sibling are doing is exploitation.
Get on this immediately...shut it down! Your mother's quality of life is priority. And when you step out on this, you'll be amazed how you will feel & change! Cause you will have control.
Blessings
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