I've gotten involved in some strange family drama, but I'm not sure how to handle it.
My grandmother claimed that she has recently changed her documents so that I will have POA over her when the time comes. However, as her eldest grandchild and a 19 year old, I'm not exactly certain that I will be able to make those decisions when the time comes. At the moment she is fairly healthy, but my mother and I have been concerned that she may have signs of dementia, and we have been concerned about it for a few years now. My grandma is constantly going on about "when I die" like it will be within the next 5 years, though, so I'm really not sure what to expect.
She claims that she doesn't trust her children to handle things the way she wants when she passes. While I agree with her, and wouldn't trust them to be POA either, I'm not sure I'm the right person for the job. I'm just learning how to manage my own finances and pay taxes. How am I going to manage her death and medical care? Is she even legally allowed to make me the POA without my consent?
I also have a few follow up questions; if she is able to elect me as POA without my consent, what are my options? Am I legally allowed to chose who the POA goes to from that point? Am I legally allowed to request to see the paperwork from her lawyer if I'm the POA? If there aren't any backup POAs, then what?
The idea of handing the POA over to my mother or uncle is slightly concerning, as the two aren't all there mentally either. Even still, I'm not sure if it's a responsibility that I should allow myself to take on. Any help is greatly appreciated.
As to Financial, you are right. It isn't easy. You would be dealing with her banks, with social security, with the IRS for taxes, to pay her bills and have them mailed to you, to handle real property if she has it, and to keep very good records. I did it a year for a really together brother who had his "house in order" and it wasn't easy. Do know, if there is any substantial estate, you would then ALSO be able to use grandmother's money to hire an attorney to help you if needed, a financial fiduciary if needed and etc. But it is still a lot.
You need to sit with grandmother. If you do not wish to do this, after reading up a good book on being power of attorney (or use google to look it up), then let grandmother know so that she can arrange a fiduciary to handle her affairs, or something else.
It is surely a dilemma.. Do know, if you do not wish to do this, or to be say executor of a will if that is designated you can always say no. Then the court will appoint someone to do it through your state. However, it is at that point that the "others" perhaps with some greed of malice can step forward in court and say "I am the DAUGHTER and I will do it" and they will likely be allowed to do so.
Good luck! Hope you keep us informed and hope others here have good advice for you. MstrBill, GardenArtist, many others have a lot of experience in some of this work.
She needs to name you as executor of her will for you to handle her last will and testament.
You would have to see how this is written, that would decide if you could hire the work done or appoint an attorney or fudiciary to do the work.
Talk to her about seeing a certified elder law attorney (you can find ones in your area at www.nelf.org) to make sure that all of her documents are legal and viable. Tell her if you don't want the responsibility to use a professional if she doesn't trust other family members.
If you don't want the responsibility than you can have it revoked. Nineteen is young to have the responsibility that the financial would involve if Mom has an sizeable estate. You cannot turn over the POA to someone else only Grandmom can assign someone. You can use other people to help you using Gma's money. Like a tax preparer, someone to care for her, place in a facility. Like said Financial has the most responsibilty.
In the situation you describe, and irrespective of the law, I would suggest that you just sit tight, for several reasons. You may be over 30 before grandmother dies, and feeling much more able to take on the decisions involved. Secondly, when elders start changing documents, it frequently isn’t for the last time. My dreadful father used to change his own will every couple of years, just to cause more fuss. And another issue is that to deal with this, you may need to go public about the doubts re your mother and your uncle, and this is bound to cause problems in the family.
Perhaps you can just make mmmmm noises to your grandmother, and do your best to put it out of your mind for now.