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I currently do my mom's cares every weekend and 3 weekday evenings because the home health company can't keep staff or they just don't show up. She has a loyal morning aide, thank god, but even the lunch aides (who only need to make her lunch and maybe change her) seem to find reasons not to come. Today's excuse was a broken down car. Seem to be a lot of broken down cars in the last year...hmmm...



I'm okay doing this for a while, but I want to start a family soon. I can't work full time, take care of my mom 20-30 hours a week, and take care of a baby. I'm 26.



Her social worker says all the companies in town are just as bad. She's looking into supplementing with another agency, but neither of us are optimistic.



Im scared I'll get burnt out too.



Context: my mom has Medicaid and receives home health through the state hope waiver which is managed by social services.

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Keep looking for a better care facility. I don’t know what mom’s health issues are, but generally someone who needs this much care will get worse, not better. You will then need to have more aides because the main ones will need relief aides. You’ll have to be involved in her care even then because you’ll need to manage them as well as her household, doctors, etc. Could you do that, keep your job, and care for a baby as well? (Once you have a child, baby has to be your main concern.) I don’t think doing all that is humanly possible, so don’t rule out a care facility. You just haven’t found the right one yet. Good luck.
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Does your mom live alone in her own home? If so, I'm thinking that maybe assisted living (AL) might be the answer. Or are her care needs such that she needs a nursing home? I'm not sure from your post but sounds like a pretty good amount of care is happening.

You are smart to try to get this straightened out NOW so you can proceed with your life of wanting to start a family. You are much too young to be saddled with 20-30 hours a week of caregiving.

I wonder if the issue with lunch help it that the shift is soooo short. Most caregivers in my area want a minimum of 4 hours to make it worth their time to get to you, etc. Just an idea.

Good luck.
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aj6044 Sep 2022
She'd require a NH, but the ones here are so awful. My mom has been in a few and they never work out. My mom is scared of them and I just don't want to put her in one again. The last one they put her on narcotics for no reason. She wasn't injured and was not complaining of any level of pain to require them. I didn't know at the time.

So home is where she is, her own apartment as of right now.

I suppose I can ask if they can do an 8-12pm shift and a 5-8 bedtime shift.
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You can use RALF (https://www.flareslive.com/portal/SearchFacility.aspx) In the parenthesis is a find a facility. It is through Health and Welfare themself and you can look at their old and current survey results. (Survey Results are just what is written up by the state when they do there evaluations for that specific facility.) And for medicaid caregivers I know a lot that call out due to not enough hours. Without enough hours they don't get paid a whole lot. The ones down her pay $10/hr so they want to make sure it is worth their time I guess. I really don't understand it. If you need help maybe looking into facilities I can help. Best advice when looking at facilities if you go that path, don't ask the managers or adminstrators. Talk to a couple of the caregivers. A lot notice bad employees that the bosses ignore. 6/10 they will tell you the truth on some of the staff members.
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Sounds like you must be in a rural area with fewer choices. But even near a city, where you would have more home health aides and more staffing agencies, most of the aides would be immigrants with low English skills, exhausted while working a day shift at your place after an all-night shift at someone else's home, in between working at a facility several days a week and bringing in all the contagious conditions from the facility or rehab center. Hang on to the good ones!
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My mom needed 24hr care when she got home from the hospital. What a nightmare that was. I think the car breaking down must be a 'universal' reason to no show. Got plenty of those excuses for not showing up
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