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Mom died in April after three weeks in the hospital and one week in hospice. My last vision before I go to sleep is her dead face. I sleep about four hours and wake up again with this picture in my head. I work full-time but it has been hard with so little sleep. The hospice offered counseling but I just can't go back there where she died. Can someone tell me how to cope?

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I went through something similar after my mother died, and again but even more intensely after my sister died.

One of my friends suggested that the "visions" are their way of telling me they're no longer in pain, and are reaching out to tell me to move on.

I always thought that was a nice way to view these instances.

Perhaps you can have some herbal tea or do something relaxing before you go to bed. Listen to music, think of the good times you had with your mother, the love you shared, and don't regret any decisions you made. You helped her during her time of need and helped ease her transition, and that's what you can remember.

I don't know all the details but it sounds as if there was a fairly intense situation given the short duration in hospice. Recognize that your presence likely helped her come to terms with her death, that you gave her the best care you could, and helped her at the time she needed you the most.
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Katiekat, I'm sorry you just lost your Mother and are having to deal with the aftermath of reality. Grief can and will do very strange things to your mind.

To give you history on me (and I'm sure people on here are tired of reading it) but my Dad passed in March & then I lost my Mom in July. The reason I tell you this is because I have been dealing with a lot of feelings, emotions, interruption of sleep......you name it.
Last week one of my hospice friends gave me a booklet written by a RN hospice nurse named Barbara Karnes. The booklet is called My Friend, I care The Grief Experience.

This booklet has helped me so much. I was getting ready to go to counseling myself because I felt like something was wrong with me....but we are being normal Katiekat. We are still grieving. That doesn't always go away in a day or two...or even longer. We all react to grief in different ways. I close my eyes and see my Mom's face when she died & I want to scream.....but at the funeral home, I saw her look so peaceful and she even had a smile.

Please reach out to your hospice people, to your doctor, to your minister or even a best friend......someone to listen to you. I hurt for you.....Life is so hard at times. Everyone says it gets better...I hope so & I will be thinking of you!
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Aerobic exercise will give you some sleep. Can you start taking walks, or doing a step aerobic tape. It will relieve your depression, and help you sleep. After about 30 minutes of continuous exercise, you find answers. If your insomonia continues seeing a therapist will help you find solasce. You are in my prayers.
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I don't like Dr. Phil any more, but I saw a show he did many years ago with a woman who's daughter was murdered. She kept reliving that when she thought of her daughter. Dr. Phil was very wise and told her not to reduce her daughter's life to the last five minutes she was on earth, i.e. her death, but to focus on the many years she lived and loved and laughed and was happy on this earth. I'd say the same thing about your mom.

When that picture of her in death comes to you, consciously switch to a picture of her in the fullness of her life when she was happy. I'd find some favorite pictures of her and put those in your bedroom, so you can focus on them before you go to bed. Maybe have a "conversation" with your mom about your love for her and the life she lived and your happiness that she's at peace now. See how that refocusing on her life and not her death might work for you.
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I believe that visions of our loved ones can be their way of letting us know they are ok as well. After my Daddy passed, I would continue to feel his presence, and see his face in my dreams...then I started dreaming that I was trying to go with him...he always told me I couldn't go yet, and that he needed to be on his way...I would always call after him and tell him to wait, that I needed to be sure he knew how much I loved him..He would always say, I know kiddo I love you too...and he would be gone...I had those dreams so many times for months after he passed...I don't have them anymore. (I often wish I did) I say that to say that I do believe they let us know somehow they are ok, so we can be ok...prayers for you. I know how hard it is.. (((hugs)))
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Here in Ireland we are very superstitious we still have wakes! My dad was in the front room of his house ina coffin i thought id have a heart attack seeing him but i didnt he was dad was quite shocked how well i took it seeing him but i had to or i wouldnt have believed it! My little sister was the opposite she didnt want to see him BUT by the third night i had a chat with her and told her this was the last time she would ever see him and it will help her to move on so after a stiff drink i brought her in and she was ok after a few minutes weve never seen anyone close dead so you can imagine!
anyway some older women there said if you touch the body you wont have nightmares we all kissed him and to this day (dad died 8mths ago) none of us have dreamt of him??????? i dont know but its strange maybe there is something in it?
I felt my dad around me a few days later and signs like bday cards turning up out of nowhere spooky things so i am convinced he is around me always i just feel it and its a comfort!

thinking positive things before you go to bed is a good idea if i watch a crime movie i will watch a comedy straight after to get the crime out of my head it works for me!

Excercise is good too reading a good book? So sorry for you i know alot of people get this after a death i guess i was lucky!
Hugs its not easy!
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Do you have a friend you can visit....get away....break the pattern
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Replace the recent memories with 1) A picture of Mom with good memories
2) A picture of friends, family in your room, the last thing you see before bed.
3) If you see the hard part, say a quick goodbye, and change your thoughts.

Finally, think only on these things-Phillipians 4:8

Give yourself time.
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See your general doctor and a social worker. I went to the social worker a couple times when I thought care-giving was about to kill me, and it really really helped. The doctor prescribed me antidepressants and that helped too.
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I think grief is a complicated process. The "experts" like to break it down into steps. I do think there's something to that, although we all grieve differently - spending longer periods of time on one step or another, going out of order and maybe skipping a step. It is an individual process but it is a process none the less. One that you'll go through in your own time and in your own way. My dads been gone almost four years. We were very close and not a day goes by that I don't think of him. The only thing that really helps me is thinking about him not longer suffering. In the last two years of my dads life he was in pain and suffered. But more than that daddy suffered from no longer being the person he use to be. Daddy was a larger than life kind of man. He accomplished grand things over his life. In the final two years he became a shadow of his former self and he hated it. Now I know my dad is no longer in pain. And while my dads passing has shaken my belief in God, I like to believe that if there is a heaven - daddy's there with his skiing buddies, racing down a black diamond run, knee deep in fresh powdered snow. Try finding at least a small measure of comfort in the thought your mother is no longer suffering.
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