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My 89 yr old dad has dementia. His POA in order is his wife (89 hrs old) then Dad’s kids in descending order. They’ve been married 11years. His wife was just scammed, twice in one week, out of $60k (she gave it to them out of a joint account). She keeps telling my dad that he did it but it’s been proven, by his financial advisor, that she did it (he doesn’t have computer access or a password anyway). She is incapable of transferring funds from one account to another, and figuring out basic banking. She has to get her daughter to help with taxes, banking, etc. We have told her that her daughter is not my dads POA and dads next in line needs to take over as POA. She says this is “her” business. She does not pay for anything, it’s all dads money; she has her social security put into her own personal account. There’s what she calls “her” money and then “their” money. We are still trying to unravel/straighten out the mess she made from being scammed multiple times. She continues to get on her computer without virus software which is how she got scammed. I feel this is a sticky situation. Not sure what to do or how to convince her that her daughter is not to be involved in the financial business. Dad does whatever she says.

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Wow this certainly is a very sticky situation! A friend of mine had a similar situation and they had the dad divorce the wife that was not paying for anything but using up all his money. It's really not fair to your dad's heirs for all his money to get spent by her and all her money will go to her heirs. Of course, that depends on how your dad and his wife have their wills set up.

Is his wife incompetent? I'm assuming so. If so, you need to get that documented and then whoever is named to be POA if she is incompetent needs to get that POA activated ASAP and remove wife's name from his accounts and change passwords, etc.

Sorry you are in the midst of such tough issues.
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KT2930 May 2023
All her money goes to one of her kids and dads will is set up so she gets half and his kids split the other half. Not sure how to get it documented that she’s incompetent. And if it doesn’t work, there will be a huge wedge with my dad. No way he would divorce her. She is trying to get all his money so she can financially set up her adult kid that is helping her with their financial business.
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You need to see an Elder Law attorney asap. Www.nelf.org is where to find one.
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You need to have her POA revoked and one of the alternates put in charge. If wife does not have Dementia, there is some kind of decline. Maybe time to have assets split.
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KT2930 May 2023
We agree, but she won’t “allow” it. Says we are “not her boss”. Dad does what she says. He agrees she’s not good at finances, but conversation ends there because she rules the roost. As far as splitting assets, she married him for money and declares his money as “their” money. He wants to take care of her financially, which is fine, but she and her daughter are grifters and they are not looking out for his interests.
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