I have always managed stress well and take no medications to date. Overall I am healthy and exercise and have a spiritual life and support from family and friends. But I'm struggling to stay positive, focused and spend too much time crying. (I care for my spouse with leukemia, vascular dementia, wounds, etc). Just wondering if medication has helped anyone through this challenging time.
If you haven't already, I might suggest first having an honest discussion with your Primary Care Physician. My doctor and I had had discussions previously about my husband. One day I told him "I think my head is going to explode." This was a day of action. He prescribed a low dose of Cymbalta and closely followed up with me for a few months. I have been on it for several years now and it helps keep me on an "even keel." I do know from personal trial and error not all medication is helpful for all people.
At one point 4 years ago at age 70, we sold our home and our belongings and moved across the country to be close to family. I, too, consider myself to be strong and able to handle stress well. Once relocated, I joined a weekly Caregiver Support Group and see a therapist. I can't tell you how helpful this is for me. Often the combination of the medication, support, and therapy is what gets me through the day.
It is very easy to "lose yourself" being a full-time caregiver. I've been there. Remember that taking care of yourself, physically and mentally, is vital. If something happened to you, what would happen to him?
I'm glad you've recognized you need some help. I pray you will find an answer that works for you.
I've been reading this book and it is useful:
The Conscious Caregiver: A Mindful Approach to Caring for Your Loved One Without Losing Yourself
https://www.amazon.com/Conscious-Caregiver-Mindful-Approach-Yourself/dp/1440597731
This is a short intro to mindful meditation:
https://www.mindful.org/mindfulness-how-to-do-it
As I often say, the question 'isn't' has helped anyone. The question is how could medication help me in this situation? In other words, your situation and circumstances (history of medication, tolerance - a wide net of variables) is unique to you and thus, medication needs to be assessed based on your needs / situation, not others.
I rarely took / take medication. I don't like to do that seeing myself as 'holistic' although we do what we (feel / believe) need to do when we need it. Honestly, I didn't even think of taking a medication (mild to calm down); my sister suggested it so I thought about it. I am glad I did for those few months years ago.
In my point of view: While medication could help, it is important to not (want to / have the objective of) cover up feelings and frustrations. It is finding that balance between taking the edge off TO COPE and not taking 'so much' wherein we numb out.
Personally, if I were crying 'too much' and had the network / support, healthy lifestyle including spiritually and exercise as you do, I would likely want to try something. But, again, we are all different so what I'd do may certainly NOT be what you decide to do.
Perhaps the only way we can decide is to be willing to see how we feel after giving a medication 'time' to work - which can be (so I read/believe) up to two weeks to take affect.
I would also ask myself:
What are the negatives of taking a medication now?
How long do I want to be on it / take this medication?
What is my objective in taking medication for xxx (crying, unable to cope 'well' as I feel I should be able to cope).
Do I have negative associations with prescribed MEDICATIONS - will I feel I am 'giving in' and 'losing the fight' by taking a medication?
What 'self talk' will I tell myself and how will these internal discussions affect me?
Let us know what you decide and how you are doing.
Gena / Touch Matters
As I now deal with caring for my husband who ten years ago was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia, once again I am using all the appropriate tools to care for myself as well. When I realized I could no longer do this 24/7, I brought in an outside caregiver. A year ago I made the difficult decision to move him to a small memory care facility. It’s for both of us.
There should be no shame in using all the “helps” available, including medications, no matter what loss we’re dealing with. Be kind to yourself.
There you will meet a mess of folks who started an anti depressant for sometimes little or no reason (which is what I almost did) and ended up able to feel nothing at all, in worse shape than when they started, and in some real trouble.
I would get support from a good therapist first, myself.
I am an old retired RN and I am well aware that some need help of anti depressants. I am just saying to take care. Well research anything before you start it. Monitor yourself. And get off carefully if and when you quit.
Some are helped by building a bridge over clinical depression so they stop habitual ways of thinking and brain-speak. But some are harmed when the situation itself is worthy of depression, and isn't going away.
My own story about Cymbalta is that I was having some nerve pain cervical, sub-axillary, down my right hand, into fingers. Along with that some spiking BP and some anxiety situationally due to aging concerns. Doc said try low dose cymbalta. First dose ended me in the bathroom with explosive diarrhea. It was my LAST Dose. I called doc and said, "hey, I am OK with pain and BP, used to them. THIS is something else" .
Reading up I found not uncommon early side effect, but thought "wow, for 15 mg that's pretty powerful stuff". Then went online and found out some got such raging IBS they were getting bowel biopsies and etc. But wait, there was worse. Many kept getting bumped up in dose until taking 120 mg to 160 mg daily, and feeling like zombies.
I have a family member who dealt with life-long clinical depression. Eased a whole lot after menopause, but until then was a lot of on and off and off and on of various meds and med cocktails. Not with a lot of success. Mostly trading this symptom for that. And I can only say that clinical depression and situational depression are different. I would do cognitive therapy for the latter.
Again, I know others who seemed to have been helped, especially when taking short term. I would only caution to get a good doctor who knows these meds and their side effects, and to take great care with them. The warning material in the box can look as long as a tableclothe, so try not to scare yourself to death. Just take care.
You can probably find someplace else expensive, but you get what
you pay for. Average cost for hiring an in home assistant is $20 to $25 an hour.
Try every means you can to support yourself as you support another. And know that the melding of being a CAREGIVER as well as a wife (or sister or daughter) is one of the most difficult things you will ever do in your life. You are deserving of all the help that you can get. So while that Faith-based community helps support you I hope they also know how to make a good casserole, drive you to shopping, deliver a few sacks of groceries, drive you to appointments. Because THAT to my mind is real faith based work.
And please, oh please, cut down at the first sentence someone suggesting that you need to "let go and let god" or that you "don't have enough faith" or that "you must do positive thinking". THAT, my dear, is cruelty. THAT is making you a victim when you are ALREADY a victim. That is saying that you are responsible for this, and you ARE NOT. Any faith that would think any god would put this upon someone for the delight of it, or as some childish test of faith, is in thrall of a very nasty little god indeed.
That old trope of "God doesn't give us more that we can handle" is so cruel. Ya know, quite a few people then opt to check out of life permantly when too much is given to them as far as tough times 'n awful things happening or not feeling great mentally. Which apparantly is a Sin. But, then where are the helpers to provide aid, comfort and solace for those who are overwhelmed by rotten life events?
Caregiving is very, very hard. If people need help getting through it with prescribed medication(s) then why not? No medical professional that I know, is working 24/7 in their chosen field. They get days off. They go on vacations. They have a social life. Caregivers must have the same.
So--yeah 3 out of 3.
Best of luck to you.
It just wasn't a good fit for me , but some it maybe
I have not tried any of the other ones, but I'm not against it, if I decide one day that I need help handling stress again. I don't like them but I'm glad they are there if the need arises
I was a homecare worker for 25 years. I was also one to my abusive mother until I walked away from that mess. So I know how miserable and maddening being a dementia and invalid caregiver can be. I also know what it's like to be in it 24/7.
You live with an alcoholic. My first husband was an alcoholic and we divorced for this reason. I think you probably don't want to live with it anymore. Anti-depressants won't help that.
Before you consider "meds" ask yourself a couple of honest questions. Such as:
-Would a change in environment improve how you feel? As in your husband getting placed?
-Would an active social life away from your home and husband improve how you feel?
-Would less responsibility being laid on your shoulders help?
If you answer 'yes' you don't need anti-depressants. You need to change your environment and remove your husband from it. Put him into managed care.
You can stillhelp and be an advocate to ensure he gets well taken care of. Only you will not have to literally bear the brunt of actually having to provide that care.
Please think about it. You deserve to have a life of your own.
I recently started Zoloft (which I've taken in the past for depression) after my husband's post-surg internal bleed. My blood pressure blew up; my doctor started me on a second med to get it under better control and strongly suggested I think about my overall well being.
I don't think ADs mask symptoms. I think they increase the supply of brain chemicals that get severely depleted when we are living under stressful circumstances.
What I can say, is caring for my my mom to the point of emotional and almost physical collapse should have stopped months ago. Everyone warned me and told me to take care of myself but I just kept pushing through. Now I am paying the price.