Follow
Share

She is 68 and a sweet lady. She had a stroke 13 yrs. ago and is not able to walk or talk. Is confined to a wheelchair. Due to unforeseen family circumstances, my mother in law had to move in with us. There are two other siblings, but they don't care and are in and out of jail and want nothing to do with her care. Her husband passed away, which is another reason why she came to live with us. My husband and I didn't know what to do, as we literally had one day to drop everything and go to AZ to pick her up. My husband had to take money from his 401K so that we could build an extension onto our home with a large handicapped bathroom. I regret this now. I shower her, make her meals, got her all new clothes, hair done, nails, etc. etc. My husband helps, when he can. We both work full time jobs. My teenagers are useless as far as help. Anyway, I could go on and on, but what it comes down to is I DON'T WANT HER LIVING HERE ANY LONGER. I feel uncomfortable in my own home, and try to avoid seeing her, which I feel guilty about. I don't want someone to come in and help out, I don't want her here period. Like I said, we didn't have time to think about what we would do, only that she needed a place now. We didn't want her to go to a nursing home, as her SSI is not much at all. There are no assets at all. She is very lonely. All she does is sit and watch TV all day. That's all she's done for the past 13 yrs. How do I go about finding a nursing home or another type of residence for her based on her income? She's a nice lady, but at 49, my kids are teenagers now. I feel like I have a toddler once again. I've told my husband a couple of times, and he just says "OK." What the hell does that mean? We can no longer go places whenever we want, because we can't leave her alone for long. I just want my independence back.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
You probably can't expect any help with this from your husband. He may be paralysed with guilt. But it sounds like he won't stop you if you do all the work. That's sort of business as usual.

You are the one who wants to be freer. You are the one doing most of the work now. You can get help from others - maybe even your kids! But more likely from the local AAA, as suggested. Don't drive yourself crazy expecting your husband to take action. Thank him for "letting" you do this! I hope it works out.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Contact your local Area Agency for Aging and find out about resources to help her get into a facility. There are threads on this site as well. Look up at the top of the site under "Senior Care" there's a whole section on finding nursing homes in your area. Your MIL is awfully young to be sitting in front of the TV all day. If she gets into a reasonable facility, she should have the opportunity to be around others and do some activities and get out more. This could be the best thing that has happened to her since you took her in. Good luck and keep us posted.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Here's a government site to find nursing homes in your area: http://www.eldercare.gov/Eldercare.NET/Public/Index.aspx
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

She will probably qualify for Medicaid. Ask the Agency of Aging how to start that process.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Maybe you can look for a institution that runs by a charity. Maybe it cost less.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

As said by others it seems she's eligible for medicaid, call elder affairs and get the ball rolling..
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

While you are waiting, press those teenagers into service. My mother died when I was young and my younger sister is retarded, could not be alone. So he assigned us Friday night to go out, but Saturday night we stayed home to care for her. Start assigning some nights to them.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thank you very much, I will look into this.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Get in touch with a social worker and tell them the situation. they will come and access her and you can get the ball rolling as to medicaid and so forth. It may take a little time to iron out but it's a stepping off point.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Thank you all for the advice and support. It makes me feel better knowing I'm not alone.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter