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She yells at people who can not do what she wants right now. She gets around, eats, plays games, and goes shopping with the residents. She does not need help. She just wants her way and to get attention. She was yelling at the cook at the door of the kitchen and down the hall when the cook was trying to deliver the meals to others rooms. When I took away her phone, she stopped and did not throw a fit for 2 weeks. She started to cry and yell if she did not win at bingo after the 2 weeks. She decided to tell the State representative for the nursing home that she wants me to stop taking things away from her. As her caregiver, do I have any rights?

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You don't say what is wrong with Ellen. Is she a parent or a friend. Does she have a Dementia? If so, medication may help.
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Stop taking her belongings away. You definitely have no right to do that.
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You don’t have to be the expert at this. Ellen is in a NH. Talk to the CEO about how they handle it, what they suggest you can do yourself. Make sure that they know you are not blaming them. ‘Stealing’ things permanently is clearly not on. Putting them out of sight temporarily as an incentive to quit nasty behaviour, is not the same thing at all.
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I would tell Ellen that it has been real and it has been nice, but it hasn't been real nice. So you are resigning as POA, you are resigning as representative payee and you are resigning as her kicking post.

Hope she has a nice life and bye bye bitty!

That is your right. You do not have to continue to do anything for her.
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Just a thought.
Why not step back and let others handle Ellen? You have been doing this so long I get it that it will be difficult for you to do but a reset sounds in order. Why not stay away for two weeks and let it happen? Have you ever done that before? Let the staff know you are away so they don’t waste time calling you unless she is expected to pass or they need your POA authority to make a decision. All of these people are professionals. They would probably like an opportunity to see if they can settle her.
If she does better when you are away would you be able to handle that? I see your bio says she has been in three NHs. Was she kicked out? Being so upset couldn’t be good for her either. Has a geriatric psychiatrist seen her? Let us know what action you decide to take.
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You state there's nothing wrong with Ellen... if nothing is wrong with her, then why has she been in a NH since 2012?
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I agree with countrymouse, stop taking her belongings away from her. She is not a child. Stay away from the nursing home and let them deal with her tantrums.
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You have the right to resign your POA and allow her to become a ward of the State.
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Ellen is my 77 year old sister in law. In 2011 we received a call from a NH in Carrollton that Ellen was with them and needed a family member to sign papers to allow them to give her medication for Schizophrenia, Mood Disorder, and other depressive disorders. Her brother, James, went to visit her and signed the papers. James received a call from them in February that she could not stay at their NH any longer because her medication had settled her down and they had no place for her. We live in Granbury and had experience with another relative that I was POA for at Granbury Care Center. We were pleased with her care until her death 5 years later at the age of 95 after a fall and hip surgery. Ellen's husband died in March 2012 after a fall at home and hip surgery. She has a daughter who has hated Ellen and made fun of her all her life with the encouragement of her father. She blamed Ellen for his death because she was in the NH and not home to take care of him when he got drunk every night. I settled their estate, made furniture for her NH room, and have taken car of her since February 2012. When I go to the plan meetings every 3 months, I learn how she is acting like a brat and upsetting the other residents. I have done all I can do to help her and have decided to let the NH handle her behavior and I will continue to see that her bills are paid, THHS leaves the money in her account to pay her insurance and have $60 left every month. All her mail comes to my house and I make sure her insurance pay their part of the charges. I fill out all of the papers to keep her in Medicaid once a year and the Social Security papers that tell how I spent her money for the past year as her registered rep. Ellen lies to me on the phone about what others are doing to her. I am 86 and can not drive because of narcolepsy. James is in a lot of pain in his back and right leg and I am his caregiver at home. He drives me to take Ellen to Doctor appointment because she lies to them about her pain. I make sure the doctor see medication list where she is not taking the medication the doctor ordered because she has to ask for it and does not have very much pain. She walks all over the build with a walker with the seat for storing her things. She walks too fast and runs into people and things. When someone dies, she will ask if they want to keep the clothes and belongings of their lost family member. She just likes to collect junk and does not have room for it. That is the reason I have been cleaning her room and taking what she can not use. Her roommate has to walk through Ellen's room to get to the Closet just like Ellen has to walk through the roommate's side to get to the bath room and out the door. She likes to leave things in their path or take up more than half of the closet. Thank you for your replies.
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I have to ask if she can get around and is as feisty as it sounds why is she in a Nursing home and not Assisted Living?
That said there are medications that will help with anger, anxiety and her frustration.
Are you POA or Guardian? You could relinquish either if you do not want to put up with the drama. You can let the state take over as her Guardian but at that point you will have no say in what happens or where she would go if they decide to transfer her. Can you explain this to Ellen if she is cognizant and can comprehend this information. And I am sure no one wants the State to decide what becomes of them.
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Saxton Mar 2020
Before she went to her first NH, she lived with her abusive husband who tried to choke her when she went to get something out of their trash that was hers, but he had thrown away in the outside trash can. She had on nothing but a diaper and a thin night gown you could see thru. He blocked the door and would not let her bring her thing back into the house. She tried to push her way inside, but he choked her. Neighbors called the Mobile Home Administrator. She talked him into letting her come inside to put on some clothes and took her to the hospital. The police filed a report against her husband and told her she could not return home. The doctor at the hospital sent her to the Carrollton NH so they could regulate her medication and help her to get some decent meals. She had lost a lot of weight from not eating. She was not taking her medications nor using her oxygen. The doctor at the NH gave her an IQ test and told us her IQ was 70. The NH in Granbury has a special rating for special needs residents and they took her into that group. She qualified for Nursing Home Medicaid after we went to Granbury Care Center. We also got her an ID card since she wrecked her car while living at home. We got her Medicare Rx Plus which pays 100% of her drugs and Medicare Supplement with Gerber Life Insurance Company for Plan F which pays 100% after Medicare pays their part of Plan A & B. When her husband died in March, I had to pay a lot of bills because she would say she told that business,
to cancel that charge card because she did not want it anymore. Her husband was in prison from around 2003-2006. She filed bankruptcy for thousands of dollars while her only Daughter moved in and told her mother to pay all the bills for both of them. I hired an Attorney to help me settle Ellen's estate and another one to help me with all the paperwork to give me the right to take care of Ellen. Ellen's daughter has used Ellen's name with her daughter's address to try to open at open 1 charge card, to buy a car, and to buy a house. I think her daughter has seen her 3 times since Ellen has been in a NH. Ellen has a granddaughter with 3 or 4 great grandchildren. They call her often and send her pictures. She has an older sister in New Mexico that she calls often just to talk about the past. She has a sister 1 year younger than her that can not understand Ellen on the phone, but they exchange letters and cards. James is one year younger than this sister and can not understand Ellen on the phone either. After we closed her estate, she had $2,000 in her bank account. She is allowed to keep $60 each month. Social security puts her check in the bank, and the 2 insurance companies and the NH draft their part. I make sure there is 60 left on each bank statement. I have talked to the NH administrator and he said she can stay until she shows worse signs of being dangerous to herself or to others. I am going to take care of my husband as his full time caregiver and let the NH try to control Ellen's anger with therapy and medication. They have been trying to help her for 2 years this June. Thank you for you reply.
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My 2 cents 😊

Yes, its time for you to back away. If you have POA, revolk ur responsibility. Allow the NH to become Ellen's guardian. The State will assign someone to oversee her care.

Your DH should now be your priority. You will have enough on ur shoulders without worrying about Ellen.
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Saxton Mar 2020
Thank you for your reply. I have told the NH Administrator that I will take care of the paperwork as her POA, but let them be in charge of her anger problems. He told me that the NH has the professional help to decide what medication and therapy she might need. I will continue to attend the Plan Meetings every 3 months when the NH is open for visitors again. I have been eating with her from 11 -1 on the first and third Tuesday, but I was told how much she was lying and making others miserable every time I walked in the door. They will continue to call me every time she hurts herself, has a medicine change, or need my permission to let the dentist work on her teeth, see an eye doctor, or take a therapy test. They will also take her to any appointment the NH doctors make for her.
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