Last night, the in law's night/weekend aide went to ER. Significant other told MIL that he couldn't be spending the nights over there, nor realistically could Brother and his wife. That there had to be a backup.
For the first time, MIL agreed. We gave her the name of an agency recommended to us by health care pros. Other agencies are plentiful.
My question: Do any agencies have arrangements where they go at the last minute, no contract, for say 2 or 3 times the regular rate? Or agencies where you pay to have an on-call arrangement?
Hey, it is their decision and their life to just think that this human working 120+ hours a week won't just fail in the next year. It is strange as they offered to gift her a free trip back to her home country, which is not cheap. If they want to do this or if she fails, it however has been made clear to everyone that overnights won't be an option for either of their sons beyond a day or two.
Up to them how they live their lives, I guess.
We went through this. No agency within an hour from us will come out for respite, even emergency respite. I was told they are limited on employees, and the employees call the shots. The employees decide which jobs to take in advance and which cities to go to. Plus, they all insist on contracts where we are with monthly minimums that would cost my Mom her whole SS check.
We did find agencies that offer visiting/companion care only. No hands on. No lifting, touching or changing depends on patients - that will come out on a limited basis. But, not for emergencies.
The only true emergency respite I have ever heard of is supposedly Hospice does this. However, when we cared for my Dad with Hospice in the past it was not available to us.
They want to stay in their home and we're not going to do 24/7. That's crystal. I just hope they find someone to make that possible. Because they cannot ask him.
My advice: do what you need to without all the whining about how awful the person is to care for or how selfish other family members are for not helping with care. Its ok to take care of yourself. It’s not healthy or mature to become resentful and bitter.
They recognized that boundary. That's all I want.
Their out of pocket exceeded what an AL might cost even before the indy's health crisis. In fact, they could make their house into their own private AL on their own money, which would be their decision. For now, they see how unfair it would be to brother and especially SO to have their spouses sleeping apart. Because I have to. I literally cannot be there for more than a couple of hours because of their cat and the allergies.
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SO told his mother straight out that he could not keep doing the overnights, nor could Brother and his wife. Not even for a week. Probably less. The mother does understand this, and for the first time is open to getting more help now, which will hopefully transition into a third person. Doing 120+ hours/week for over a year alone might put someone into the ER, even someone as durable as the night/weekend indy. Plus, introducing someone with more experience would mean there'd be someone there capable of handling needs as they arise in a skillful way without triggering concerns about, for example, the person seeing the client's penis or lifting them correctly. Things that have come up already and are likely to be exacerbated.
There's now urgency in having a more solid care plan. I'm actually relieved about that, as well as how I heard SO address his mom and her agreeing that it will NOT WORK for anyone in the family to be spending overnights with them. I felt no FOG from her this time. SO was very firm and she pledged to get on it right away. Like today. There is no discussion about how it has to be a friend of some Mrs. So and So in the neighborhood or how we owe them, or dawdling around indefinite weeks. There is a sense of urgency now.
Anyway, advice on any in-home emergency respite?