Follow
Share

Two days ago I was with my mother as she passed away. I walked into the nursing home room she was in and found her with her head sideways up, eyes real wide and gasping deep breathing and unresponsive so I called for help. She had been in hospice care for a year. Nurses ran in and check vitals while I kept talking to her and was told to call my siblings. She came around and started squeezing my hand when I asked if she had pain told her to squeeze, and she would look at me but couldn’t speak just breathe. She understood because I told her my daughter was there and give her a kiss and she puckered and my daughter kissed her. Shortly after she started moving her arms towards her shoulders and around kinda like a baby just moves, on up and sides, and her eyes got so wide like looking all around moving her head. But she wasn’t looking at anything. Like she’s seeing something scary. My mother was alone living Catholic women loved by so many. I can’t help to feel so hurt because I feel it’s my job to make sure she’s comfortable and was always ok. I was there everyday! I wasn’t expecting this and keep crying thinking she was in distress. They were supposed to have morphine and Adavan on hand but only had morphine. Does this sound like she was freaking out? I was at peace knowing her time was coming but I feel so bad. She passed with an hour with me and my daughter there. I went there every morning before work at that time. I’m heartbroken to think she was terrified or panicking 🥺🥺

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
There's nothing you can do to make someone's end come a certain way, but shame on the facility for not having on hand the medications prescribed FOR your mother. I'd definitely talk to the hospice and the facility director about that, because that means they have missing meds they need to account for.

Honestly, I don't think your mother was aware if she even was in any distress. She died more naturally than hospice would normally have happen, but try not to worry. She's at peace now, and what you saw will fade from your memory fairly quickly. My dad died very peacefully, but it was nonetheless traumatic to see, and I thought I'd never forget it. Yet a month later, I couldn't even bring that image up in my mind. All I could remember was my dad when he was happy and healthy, and you'll have that, too.

I'm really sorry for your loss.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
Kryssy333 Oct 2022
Hi, I’m sorry for your loss too. Thank you for taking the time to reply. These comments are helping me a lot and will help in my healing. From the time that I walked in and found her unresponsive, til her last breath was under and hour. It’s only been 3 days since she left, and I’m not crying as much. I knew she was ready to go and she was uncomfortable in her condition. I was at peace and knowing I’d miss her, but it hit me hard that last hour.
(1)
Report
Sounds traumatic for you but at least you got to say Good Bye . Get some grief counseling That really helps . You squeezed her hand and your daughter got to say Good Bye - I dont think she was freaking Out - Let it go and Know she is at peace . Go Buy some roses - Flowers are comforting . Sorry for your Loss but you were there with her and she did Not die alone - find some comfort in that .
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Kryssy - It's very common for the dying person to suddenly open their eyes and look around the room or at the ceiling. They see things that the rest of us can not see. My mom did the same. She had late stage Alzheimer's and was in a coma for 2 days. In the last hour, she opened her eyes and stared intently at the ceiling for a long while. I could see in her eyes that she was alert and cognizant. She knew what she was looking at. I wish I could have seen what she saw. My guess is that she saw the next world where her soul would go after it left her body.

I think the same happened with your mom. She saw the spirit world. Perhaps, she was surprised to see it, maybe even a bit shocked, a bit scared. But the spirit realm is not scary, it's a beautiful place, and that's where your mother is right now, with all her relatives that went before her. And when it's your time to go, she'll be there to welcome you. Please be at peace and enjoy the life you have from now till then.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Your mother was getting ready to leave, on that Awfully Big Adventure. The physical signs you saw sound like the result of her brain and her respiratory system shutting down - much more distressing and frightening for you than I think it will have been for her.

I'm sorry it was so upsetting, but remember that your mother is safe and at peace. Wishing you comfort.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I am with Polarbear and Country Mouse here.

One of the final stages of ALZ is the person ends up in the fetal position, which is what happened with my grandmother.

"she started moving her arms towards her shoulders and around kinda like a baby just moves, on up and sides"

Maybe that was actually what it was. Your Moms brain was back to being an infant. The do revert back.

Sorry for your loss.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Kryssy333 Oct 2022
That’s how I explained it to hospice. She moved like a baby and her head and eyes too. I’m so sorry for the loss of your mother, because I truly know what it feels like. I appreciate you replying to my comment so much. Hugs.
(1)
Report
Kryssy333,

I am very sorry for your loss of your mother. Our Mom's are our anchor in this life and losing them changes everything about our own sense of place in this world. You loss is profound.

Be comforted that you and your daughter were with her; she likely held on until you arrived to allow you to have your goodbyes. She knew you were there and even gave a goodbye kiss and squeezed your hand. Take comfort in that gift of having the chance to say your final goodbyes, final until you meet again, on the other side of life.

In reading your description of your mother's final hours, I see nothing that indicates her being in distress. She was transitioning to her spiritual life and we can't impose our human perceptions on a dying person's response to seeing the Heavenly Host and loved ones gone before, all with her to escort her into God's presence. We cannot imagine the majesty of her visions or interpret her body and eye movements in terms of the mundane physical world; she was in the presence of angels and loved ones, in visions that we cannot know until our own time comes. Her body movements were a lingering physical response to the majesty of God's presence.

I was a Hospice RN for 5 years and in my near 50 years in Health Care, I attended many deaths. I've witnessed an entire range of responses to the transition from the physical life to the spiritual world. Your mother was not in pain; the morphine saw to that. I read nothing that indicates the need for Ativan, an anti-anxiety medication. Her mind was far beyond what could be touched by any anxiety medication and again, we can't interpret the body and eye movements in normal human terms because she was in the presence of angels. How can we possibly know how the dying mind and body will respond to the profoundness of heavenly visions? I've never tried because it's beyond our ability to understand. I've witnessed some amazingly profound things while attending deaths and all of it affirms my spiritual beliefs.

Be comforted in knowing that your beloved mother is now free of this earthly toil, she has a brand new body of light and is now living in the presence of God. As you go through your long process of grieving, take comfort in knowing that she is with you, trying to give you comfort, while fully transitioning to her spiritual life. Hers in now a life without limits, she is with the Heavenly Host now.

You'll be going through so very many emotions in the coming days and months. Please don't allow regret to be among them or allow any regrets to cloud the true and lasting gift of being with your beloved mother in her final hour in this world.

I wish you the peace that passeth understanding.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report
Kryssy333 Oct 2022
Thank you so much for your words. I’m crying so hard right now but not in a bad way. We were so close and I really sacrificed my life, without regret, to take good care of her and advocate all times. I can’t even put into words how kind she was, never ever got upset with anyone. She was blessed to never have any pain, but mentally she was not happy but she would say she isn’t afraid to die, she’s afraid to leave us and we suffer too much. Seeing her body moving and assuming peaceful death meant it’s like sleeping I was torn of the images. I treated her like my baby lol, literally. Your words helped me a lot, thank you again so dearly. God bless you!
(3)
Report
See 1 more reply
I’m living something similar now.

It sounds as though you accompanied her release from this world in a very appropriate and peaceful and beautiful way.

I hope I say “farewell” when my LO departs as you did.

Thank you for posting your comments. Although you were briefly disturbed, I hope it will bring you peace to know how helpful it was for me to read what you’ve said.

Blessings….
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

IDK if anyone mentioned this, and excuse me if it was, but there is a woman on YouTube, Nurse Julie, she carefully explains the physical changes in the dying process to make it less frightening for loved ones of those making the transition. From what you've described, everything seemed normal according to Nurse Julie. Please have a look at the posts, it may be comforting.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Kryssy333 I am sorry for your loss. And I thank you for your post.

I going through this myself now. My father was put in the hospital about 2 weeks ago for becoming violent. He has Alzheimer's and we weren't able to figure out why such a calm, gentle person would act out like that.

Yesterday he was moved in the hospice and I've been told that that violent outburst was the beginning of his body preparing to pass away.

I have been watching over him for the last 4 years and watched him go from a super smart wonderful person too. Someone that can't remember.

I for just wishing him to be a peace soon.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Kryssy333 I am sorry for your loss. And I thank you for your post.
I going through this myself now. My father was put in the hospital about 2 weeks ago for becoming violent. He has Alzheimer's and we weren't able to figure out why such a calm, gentle person would act out like that.

Yesterday he was moved in the hospice and I've been told that that violent outburst was the beginning of his body preparing to pass away.

I have been watching over him for the last 4 years and watched him go from a super smart wonderful person too. Someone that can't remember.

I just wish him to be a peace soon
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Kryssy333 I am sorry for your loss. And I thank you for your post.

I going through this myself now. My father was put in the hospital about 2 weeks ago for becoming violent. He has Alzheimer's and we weren't able to figure out why such a calm, gentle person would act out like that.

Yesterday he was moved in the hospice and I've been told that that violent outburst was the beginning of his body preparing to pass away.

I have been watching over him for the last 4 years and watched him go from a super smart wonderful person too. Someone that can't remember.

I just wish him to be at peace soon.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I am sorry for your loss. And I thank you for your post.

I going through this myself now. My father was put in the hospital about 2 weeks ago for becoming violent. He has Alzheimer's and we weren't able to figure out why such a calm, gentle person would act out like that.

Yesterday he was moved in the hospice and I've been told that that violent outburst was the beginning of his body preparing to pass away.

I have been watching over him for the last 4 years and watched him go from a super smart wonderful person too. Someone that can't remember.

I just wish him to be at peace soon.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter