First I want to thank all who have answered my questions over the year. You have been so helpful and kind and I will be forever grateful.
Father passed away this week at 96 years old. We are having the funeral out of state. Few family and friends will attend the small graveside service we will be holding. It will just be me and my daughter there. My mother is too ill to attend and other family members are too frail. The younger members in the family I think didn't know him well so they don't have the inclination to come.
I would like to make the brief service memorable and am looking for some thoughts on what my daughter and I can do. Father was a hardworking and quiet man who would want something low key and dignified.
Mother seems to want a big funeral like those she remembers for other family members who died years ago. Hundreds of people came to those funerals. But most of father's friends have passed on or are too ill to come. The younger members of the family won't come if it is inconvenient for them. My husband is not coming either. He and my father did not get along well. My husband doesn't understand that his attendance is really a support for me during this time. My friends have been very comforting and have said that I should not hesitate to ask for help if I need it. I got no such offer from my husband. But I don't expect much from him because he is very narcissistic.
I, with the help of my daughter, have been doing all the planning and working with a very helpful funeral home.
We are going to dispense with the viewing because it is not necessary if it is just going to be us there. So we settled for a graveside service but we would like to make it more memorable and not simply a priest reading a prayer and that's it. Any suggestions would be very much appreciated.
When his wife died (she was cremated) my son gathered small keepsakes, photos, and such that were special to her, or to him in his memories of her, put them in a small box, and buried the box along with the urn holding her ashes.
They didn't know your father, but you and your daughter can tell them a little about his life and about him. If you'd like to. Or you could share readings that you find comforting, or if they're the right kind of friends you could invite them to share thoughts.
I don't know if you're in the mood for this; but you could point out to your husband that some people have been known to attend funerals just to make sure the departed is in fact departed. He might make a bit of an effort on your behalf, surely. If he's afraid that people might think he's paying his respects... well, really, will that be so terrible?
You can't make him go if he doesn't want to, of course. And he won't be much support if he's there under protest.
As for my husband, I don't force; if he comes he comes and if he doesn't that's fine. That's him; he is a cold-hearted person in my book. I don't expect much from someone like that. Very sad.