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Several years ago my parent was diagnosed with early stage dementia. My mom wanted to consult with her attorney and I was/am her POA. Upon informing the lawyer of Mom's diagnosis - the attorney talked to my Mom about the possibility of needing a guardianship in the future. My wanted that responsibility to be divvied up between all of her children - which I stated would never happen because they can't get along and there would be a battle of wills. So the lawyers suggested a co-Guardianship - Mom was cool with that and informed the attorney who of her children she would want to have that responsibility (me and my sister). Fast forward to today - well, the children are divided - basically a battle of wills and I believe it's all driven by control of my Mom's assets and bank account - sad. I've managed her finances, bills, assets, insurance, financial planning - almost everything for YEARS. I have the education and professional experience to do this and I've done it quietly for many many years, unbeknownst to everyone. Recently, my Mom disclosed to me that my brother had borrowed thousands of dollars from her and that he also was given signing authority on one of her checking accounts. When I investigated more, I realized the money owed Mom was far more than what she told me. So, again, her lawyer was informed and Mom changed her will to indicate that my brother would inherit less the amount he owed her if he had not repaid her upon her death. My brother saw the will. From that point I've become the devil - he's attacked me verbally, cursed me out to my mother, slandered my name, everything you could imagine. He's said I am not nice to him, but I live 3000 miles away and we don't interact... He lies to my mother about me. I've heard him call me "f***g b**ch" to my Mother. He yelled at my Mom (while I was on the phone), pushed his iPhone in her face, told her he's recording her and wanted to know where all of her money was and what was her net worth and threatened that if Mom didn't tell him or didn't know that he was "done"! The other sister - she's out of her mind and I'm sure my brother has poisoned her mind as well, but she's proven to be difficult as well and bullies my Mom. Everytime I would come home to visit, she would miraculously show up - ruining the time I had to my Mom. Neither of the two of them do ANYTHING to help my Mom - nothing... Brother lives in the same time and my Mom went through a horrible bout with hallucinations and my brother would NOT stay with her - instead stating that having her car keys would be sufficient. Her power went out for a week one November - he left her in the house, in the dark, no hot water, no lights - her vision is not good and he left his dog with her to care for and the temps outside were 30 degrees - WHO DOES THAT? (And there is so much more I could post...) So Mom has gotten to the point that she cannot live alone and is now living with my other sister who is in the medical field. She's doing so much better - not alone, safe, no hallucinations since October, she's on a consistent schedule, eating, bathing (wasn't doing it before), interacting, meds on schedule, getting pampered a bit, etc. My siblings decided to visit Mom and long story short, they were both unbelievably disrespectful to our sister - my brother assaulted her in front of my Mom and now there is a warrant out for his arrest. So, we had met in October with Mom's attorney who suggested to go forward with the Guardianship - Mom agreed. Had a consultation with the Guardianship attorney, but put it off because Mom had moved in with my sister. Now, in addition to the warrant, the crazy sister thinks she can come to my sister's house whenever she wants to take Mom. Mom does not want to go and so the crazy sister is threatening to bring the police (mind you my other sister is married to a police officer!). So, we've decided to go forth with the Guardianship now so that Mom can be protected and maybe this will settle all of this madness.


My question is what evidence do I need to include with my submission to the attorney that could strengthen our position for co-Guardianship? I have copies of all of the "loans" and other monetary transactions between my Mom and brother that are still outstanding. I have emails from the crazy sister indicating that I am the best qualified to care for my Mom.... What other things should I submit in case they are meaningful?


Thanks!

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I'm wondering how with your education and professional experience you could manage her finances for years without knowing that she had lent your brother a large sum of money as well as the fact that he was an authorized signatory on a checking account? Not to be critical, but apparently somehow some of her finances weren't being monitored.

If that happened before you became proxy and began managing her finances, it's one thing, but if it happened afterward, I would guess that you can expect your siblings to raise the issue if they contest guardianship, and I suspect a hearing judge might also wonder how this could happen.

Just saying...be prepared to address this issue.
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Laws vary by state, so I would consult with an attorney who regularly appears in guardianship cases in that county. There are state and local rules you will need to follow. I wouldn't try to wing it alone. Your mom's attorney is not actually your attorney.

Some states do allow out of state residents to be guardian, as long as they have a duly appointed Resident Agent. Get legal advice on how to do this.

Some states allow 2 guardians. There may be Guardian of the Person for medical issues and Guardian of the Estate for financial purposes. Or just one General Guardian who handles both.

I would seek legal advice before the hearing.
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OhJude - but you legally can have your King Charles Spaniel by your side if you drop dead in Parliament! The dog can stay, unfortunately your corpse will be charged with a crime.
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I don't have an answer on how you deal with the family, but legally check the laws in your state. In my state for POA and for guardianship there can only be one..there is no such thing as co-guardianship even if the patient wants two people as guardians. This legal qualification is based on stories such as yours, when the co-appointees cannot agree.

I see that your family has serious issues involving violence and this matter is of prime importance but please check to make sure it can even happen...in my state it cannot.

One final legal comment...no matter where mom is living, the person who owns the house has the right to decide who enters. Just because mom is residing there, the owner of the house (not crazy sister) can ban crazy sister from the house, and this IS legal.

Angel
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"In the best interest" has historically been someone within the Judge's jurisdiction, so if they screw up, the judge can hold them accountable immediately. It's rather difficult to subpoena someone 3000 miles away.
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I don't understand. How can mom agree that she's mentally incompetent and grant guardianship? Am I reading this correctly?
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TheOne, Yes the Judge will look at the current POA and carefully note that thousands of dollars have disappeared under your watch. My bet is that for that reason alone you won't be appointed. Add the contesting siblings to the mix and the brother who has exerted undue influence and BINGO you get an independent guardian.
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TheOne - regarding the advice given here. I'm not a veteran here by any stretch - been here about three months. When it comes to how to deal with my mom, my siblings and often even the NH I have found the advice invaluable. In the beggining I was stunned on a regular basis that someone, sometimes several someones, was going through, or had gone through the exact same thing that I was! The sheer comfort in that alone was profound. I don't think I've ever asked for legal advice or even about anything surrounding a legal situation, as you are now. However, every now and then I'll be reading a post regarding a legal situation and in regards to a particular piece of advice find myself thinking "that just doesn't sound right" or from my limited legal experiences in my mothers situation "that's not how it worked for us". So this is what I think - even if a poster claimed to be a current, practicing elder law attorney, take any legal advice with a grain of salt and/or a jumping off place for doing your own research. The poster isn't likely trying to mislead you on purpose but may be giving advice based on their own specific situation. Maybe the advice is out-dated or maybe it's specific to their home state. I love GardenArtists advice in the legal arena but you'll notice she often qualifies it with "this is not my area..." or "when I was a..." I think although other posters may not say that and certainly sound knowledgable and experienced one has to mentally insert those qualifiers.
NOW - no one take offense here, please!!! I am not singling anyone out or pointing a finger. You are all smart, amazing, caring, experienced people. I'm just saying what I think you would - check your facts before taking any advice as gospel when it some to matters of serious consequences, be it legal or medical.
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Wow. Okay - I apologize sincerely for going off topic. This is a group of strangers through the power of anonymity share details of their lives that they can't share elsewhere. This can create a bond of camaraderie. I'm sorry that you don't see that - it's one of the best parts of coming here.
You are asking for help but seem to want to dictate the terms for how it is offered. So I suggest you take anything you deem useful - which seems to be nothing at this point - and ignore the rest.
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Sorry I couldn't be more help hun like I say I am a Brit and things are very different here. I also know your individual states have their own slants on the law so nothing is guaranteed. Oh you MUST take your POA with you absolutely will need that. Stay cool - you know the routine if you feel yourself getting angry slow your speech right down and jab your nails into the palms of your hands, don't interrupt but wait patiently until you can speak. If you are not given that opportunity then request it politely. Calm calm calm all the way. As a banker you will have had to do this before so I am just gently reminding you of controlled voice and its power especially when dealing with ....well best not call them what I want to lets just say your interesting siblings
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