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I recently made a caregiver agreement with mom’s lawyer to get paid for what I do for my mom. Papers must be filled out weekly. I have seen some, but most included only personal care. I spend hours doing banking, taxes, insurance, cleaning out her other house, and more laundry than I’ve ever seen. For $15 an hour. Less than I pay for caregivers. PLEASE don’t respond to say I should do this for free...I’m working my butt off. My mom is full care. Why wouldn’t I get paid? To save an inheritance for my siblings who do nothing? It’s a far cry from what I made as an RN more than $30 less and I got vacation, holidays and sick days at my last job.

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Hi Karinslife,

my heart goes out to you for stopping your career and taking on taking care of your mother. You are a good daughter and deserve everything.

it is not an easy task. I hope she is good to you and appreciates all that you do. I did not read all the answers but wanted to tell you you are of a kind.
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Please note the danger of receiving 'gifts' from your LO towards paying you for their care:
If you ever want to get Medicaid for your LO, these 'gifts' will count against the funds she will receive as Medicaid looks back 5 years of expenses. Best is to create a Service Contract Agreement with an Elder Lawyer so that you are actually being PAID for the service.
Good luck!
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Isthisrealyreal Mar 2019
That is exactly what the OP has done. She is looking for a template to keep track of job description and hours for said tasks.
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I'm patiently waiting for mom's lawyer to complete Personal Care Agreement. I moved mom in with me 10 months ago when it became obvious she could not take appropriate care of herself in a way too big house with her bedroom on the 3rd floor. It's my intent that I'll pay myself from her funds (I hold DPOA) a minimal amount that maintains my eligibility for Medicaid health insurance, fulfills any potential imposed work requirement and provides a bit of cash flow for household expenses but would only replace about 1/5 of the pay from the full-time job I had to leave. I've prepared well for retirement, unfortunately, I'm about 5 years too young to draw distributions. I'm tax adept enough to go the self employed/cash basis route so after I pay SE taxes on this income, my hourly wage even if capped at 25-30 hours per week would be a sub-minimal wage. My 3 brothers help a bit with mom when I need to get out, but 1 is impaired, 1 physically impaired, with the 3rd brother living in a neighboring state, still working and with young children at home. The physical, financial and emotional burden of caring for mom 24/7/365 falls 99.9% on me. I don't regret it, but it sure ain't easy. I tell mom I'll keep her with me as long as I'm able. When she suggests "send me to the old ladies' home", I remind her she's already arrived as I'm in my 2nd half century and Lola the dog is 14. I don't want to send her to a nursing home, but often wonder whether she would benefit in the company of others.
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Karinslife Apr 2019
I also wonder if socializing with others in a nursing home would be better for my mom. I was living alone before I took her in and I’m not much company for her. I could happily do without other people around me at this point in my life. I feel guilty not sitting with her more. I’d feel guilty putting her somewhere. Why do we do this caregiver thing at all when no matter what we do...the guilt is always still there? My friends tell me I’m doing a wonderful thing...but I don’t feel I’m doing anything right.
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You absolutely should be paid. I have no qualms about taking $700 a month from my mom's account for the full time care giving she receives in my home. When the time comes, I won't feel any guilt about moving her to assisted living. I love her to pieces but I won't kill myself either. I have grandkids that I want to see grow up!
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I did not charge either, although I did keep a separate account that my parent funded, for purchasing things he needed like medical equipment and personal supplies. I could not afford to buy all those things for him but he could. I could give freely of my time but it cost me in the long run.
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I suspect you might have to keep pretty good records as to what hours you are billing and what for.
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You could charge more for more complex tasks. Or--forget the weekly or monthly payment--instead get a lump sum payment that covers future care. It's legal in most states and is used as a way to protect assets from Medicaid. Medicaid will not consider the lump sum mom's gift to you, if you set up the document correctly and keep records to provide documentation. I have not done this yet because mom is still capable of living alone. But it's for sure on my to-do list..
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Yes I have one. I did all those things too, for $15/hr also, and funny, my last job before that one was over $30 too! Yes, and I believe that caregiving is the hardest job I've ever done. Ok, well, I have some other questions & thoughts too, but if you wish, send me a private message and I'll send you a copy of the form I used (for years). Or if you like, I wouldn't mind helping you and make one custom for you. I'm a sick kind of person - I like to make forms! lol, cheers! And yes, CGs do deserve the pay!
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Daughter2951 Mar 2019
Oh my, could you assist me.
?
My 95 yo mother moved in last April 2018.
It was difficult from the beginning but steadily worst. Her mind is great at times and at others she just sleeps.
Caregivers cost so much that her reserve will be gone in another year.
Should I be documenting everything?
In FL. K
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I'd never say you should do this for free and anyone who does is not a good person. It's a lot of thankless work and you're giving up a lot of income, contributions to retirement, and health insurance to do this. You're also giving up on potential promotions and raises that you would get if you stayed employed. You have to also think about YOUR elderly years.
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i Recently found out that you can get paid for taking care of your parent. Actually agencies outright ask you that in my area. Do you have a POA too?

I have only been taking care of my mother for the last 3.5 and that’s all my family and I do. So I totally understand for wanting to get paid especially in your situation where other siblings aren’t helping.
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hurricanehill7 Mar 2019
How?
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In complete agreement with isthisrealyreal.
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Good for you! I wish I had the nerve to charge my 92-year-old Dad. He lives in assisted living, but I spend hours every week taking him to the doctor, shopping for him, sitting with him every day, taking him out to dinner, and being at his beck and call. We recently went through a siege in which he had us move his furniture 23 times in 7 weeks trying to get him away from a noise nobody else can hear! He called last week demanding we come over to the AL because it was 8:10 and nobody had brought him his 8:00 pills. There is always something! But he would never pay me. I brought him to me from a state 700 miles away 7 years ago. My brother lived there, but is an alcoholic so I had to bring Dad to me when he was losing his ability to walk. You could count on one hand the number of times they have talked on the phone in seven years. I joke that I am an only child who will have to split her inheritance, if there is anything left. A couple years ago I was explaining checks I had written and I mentioned that one was for reimbursement for his expenses such as Depends, deodorant, cashews, etc. He was appalled that I would "charge him" for those things! The next day he told me he was giving his time share (which we had been using and paying all expenses for including yearly maintenance!)) to my niece (his favorite grandchild out of 6 of them) who lives where he used to. She has visited him once since he has been up here and may call once a year or so. He was giving it to her because I didn't deserve to use the timeshare because I was charging him for expenses! I have rarely in my life ever spoken up to my Dad, but I did about that! I take care of all his needs AND I pay for the time share. I am using it! I also have two toddler grandsons living with me so it is not like I have time to burn. I do know that Dad's ex-wife's son was paid to care for her.
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I agree that as long as there is money there, you should get paid. People will disagree. I direct all readers to the term "convenient social virtue" in a book by economist J K Galbraith. This has to do with how society tells us we HAVE TO do things for free. Please keep good records to protect yourself. Save every receipt and note on the back what items were purchased. There are others with recordkeeping suggestions. Are you looking for software. Maybe ask the lawyer. Lawyers keep hours worked on a case ie billable hours. What software do they use? I just keep a list: I use a timer and list March 13, laundry prep 37 minutes, mail/bills 7 minutes, etc. I understand about the laundry tsunami--it's unbelievable. I took photos of the pile of it for the week, photos of the finished product, photos of particularly fun stains ( actual poo to be scraped off). Photos cost nothing and are great proof. I took photos of everything to protect myself. You being a RN makes $15 sound way too cheap. A caregiver with a high school education cost $23/hour to the agency. Consult a accountant about how to handle this situation tax wise. Reimbursement for items purchased and mileage is not taxable but the pay is. Are you an independent contractor or an employee? It's very complicated--you need that accountant, but your mom should pay for the accountant to set it up and of course the lawyer.
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Who pays you!!!..I am full time caregiver for my father (ftr..we've never been close and no sure he evens likes me)..He would NEVER dream of paying me for what I do for him...He's never even showed appreciation or said a simple "thank you" since my mom died ( 9 years)..Getting payed certainly would make it easier on me..
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Toadhall Mar 2019
Does your father have money? Do you have POA? If so, go to the lawyer and get a care agreement set up. Then you pay yourself with your father's funds. (Consulting the lawyer on his business is also paid by dad.) As I have said, keep good records. You may be required to justify every penny you pay yourself. Take photos to document all purchases and save the receipts. You can also get mileage for doing errands. An agency would charge $23/hour and $0.55 per mile in my area.
If he doesn't have money, there may be something with Medicaid via the state. Check it out. There is also a veterans benefit called aid and attendance (low income/assets). Contact you state rep/ senator for help. Good luck Pete , and don't expect a thank you, it's not happening.
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Get a weekly planner for the year and write your start/end times and task for each day as you go through your day e.g. 0815 - 0945 Laundry; 1230 - 1345 grocery shopping; 1500 - 1530 bills. Be consistent with your categories.

Also track your mileage by writing the start/end number on the odometer and task e.g. 57250-57550 cardiologist. 58300-58402 grocery shopping or name of store.

A weekly planner that is small enough to fit into your purse/handbag is ideal. It's portable and, at the end of the week, you probably can scan the week and attach it to the papers you need to fill out. Ask about doing this and keeping it simple.
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I am paid thru Medicaid Waiver and I receive $40 per day. I do 24 hour/7days a week. She is in a wheelchair and a hospital bed. Not saying you should do this for free, however I would research other options with her attorney as to her financial and your siblings' inheritance
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Isthisrealyreal Mar 2019
I wouldn't even bring up inheritance, she needs to pay for her own care and only after she is dead does that come into consideration and if her care used all of her money, that's what it was there for, not inheritance.
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Oh my goodness, finally someone who is going through what I am going through with my selfish dad who wanted to live in my home with my spouse for free while he sent his little left over money to his sister in NY. We live in FL. I spent $8,000 in moving expenses to move his butt to FL, I managed his home from 2008 to the present time. So when I found out about the money he was sending to NY to his sister I put a stop to it and told him he had to give that to me as I could not work while I was taking care of him. So he did, but here is the rub...I have one full sister in FL and one half sister in NY and NO ONE does anything for him but me. He is so selfish he wants me to work for free and then leave his stupid little house to my full sister in FL, my half sister in NY and my half sister's mother. Yes when he lived in NY not one of them or any of our relatives, cousins, sisters, brothers ever went to visit him. I made six (6) trips to NY to move his butt to FL and now I wish to God I had left his ass right there. He is making my life a LIVING HELL! My marriage is being compromised. He finally agreed to put in his will that I should be compensated for all that I have done and then the balance gets distributed. Here is the rub, what if I die before him, then I would have killed for myself for a big fat NOTHING!!!!!

I feel your pain and I feel you should ask for more. I made the same agreement for $15 an hour I earn over $30 an hour when I do work so to me this is like me giving away money. I actually want all my money from him NOW! The love I felt for him when he lived in NY is not there anymore...especially seeing that this man did not take care of my sister and I like he did the half sister. I just cannot get past how he has LIED to me several times and he thinks I am so stupid.
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CTTN55 Mar 2019
I see from another post that you moved your dad out of your house now. Good!

Do you know for sure that he actually put in his will that you are to be compensated for caregiving? Amd how about the thousands you spent moving him to FL?

Why do you have to wait? Why can't you be compensated now? One of my brothers wanted to wait until my mother's trust was settled before I got my compensation for taking care of our mother. No way! The trust says all is split equally four ways between my 3 brothers and me. Anyone who disagrees gets nothing!

So I'm getting paid by the month now, and just got a back pay check for the previous two years from the brother who is handling my mother's money. It is considered a "gift" so no taxes involved.

When the trust is settled, it will be distributed equally four ways.

My mother would have a fit if she knew I'm getting this money. "You don't pay family!" She told me. Well, you also don't expect one person to do it all, either. She told me I didn't do anything for her, my time wasnt worth anything, etc.

My brothers know what she was like, and none of them wanted to move her near them. So I get paid now.
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Here is what I went through about 2.5 years ago. It may help you.

An Elder Lawyer will know exactly how to calculate what you can rightfully charge your loved one. We are in Florida and since Mom lived with me and my husband and I took full care of her at the time, we wrote a Service Care Agreement. The lawyer used the following figures (2.5 years ago) in order to derive the correct amount for me:

- Court-appointed guardians, who render services in this country, generally receive $40.00 to $80.00 per hour per Court Order. 
 
- Professional geriatric care managers typically receive $100.00 to $150.00 per hour for performance of their services. 

- Nurses’ aides receive $18.00 to $22.00 per hour for performance of their services. 

Thus, since the various services required by Mom are the services provided by guardians, professional care managers, nurses’ aides, drivers and companions, a blended rate of $35 was appropriate in my case.

I need to NOTE that this agreement was not used for a continual hourly payment, but for a basis for a Service Contract Agreement. Yet, I hope this overview helps you.
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CTTN55 Mar 2019
I like that blended rate of $35/hour!

I suggested $20/hr that I would be paid. Two of my brothers independently came up with the same number. No taxes are taken out, though. It's all a "gift."
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Is your mom on Medicaid? I believe they do pay family caregivers. Not sure what the process is but you could contact them or your local Office of the Aging to find out.
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Good for you in thatnyoure getting paid. That’s how it should be. I agree with others about $15/hr being too low, especially since you will have to pay a lot of tax on it (figure 1/3) and you will have to have a reported 1099 at the end of the year. $23/hr was the agency going rate in my area (CT) over 4 years ago. And that was for aides without any certification. You have extensive training as a nurse, which is golden. A tax attorney will tell you to renegotiate that fee.
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Toadhall Mar 2019
I think contacting a accountant CPA about tax issues is always a good idea.
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If you hire a sitter from an agency--who does nothing but sit and watch--it's $20 an hour. Actually $15 an hour to do everything is dirt cheap pay.

It is not unreasonable to get a caregiver's contract.

Remember to see a tax lawyer. You can set up a "corporation" for more tax breaks.
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Karinslife: " I was told the rate was $15 an hour. I have to keep weekly records of all hours I am actually doing things for her. I had NO caregivers for 3 months before that. Even though my mom can’t be left alone I can’t charge for being here 24/7. Respite care is $358 a day."

That rate of $15/hour seems too low. Did the atty tell you this had to be the rate? I'd ask him why outside caregivers get so much more. And why can't respite care be paid for by your mother, also?
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I agree with Kayrom1 -- why are you only getting $15/hour? Won't taxes be owed on your pay?

I am getting $20/hr. with no caregiving contract.
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Pay yourself what caregivers get paid in your area. They cost us $25/hour when I had them for my mother for two whole weeks before I had to move her, so that's what I'll be getting paid for the nine weeks I did it prior to the caregivers' arrival.

I think maybe I should get more, though, because I know how to fill a dishwasher, unlike the aide who was sent to help! :-)
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Karinslife Mar 2019
I couldn’t get paid until I had a contract made up with an attorney and I was told the rate was $15 an hour. I have to keep weekly records of all hours I am actually doing things for her. I had NO caregivers for 3 months before that. Even though my mom can’t be left alone I can’t charge for being here 24/7. Respite care is $358 a day. It’s upsetting when people think you should do it for free. The contract is necessary in case she did have to go into a nursing home at some point otherwise I could have to pay it back.
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I say bill for everything you do. It makes sense. Your time is valuable and prescious. I spent hours doing finances, shopping, legal tasks for my Dad. He didn’t have the money to pay me but if he did I would have asked to be paid.
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My husband is doing a remodel and he uses what we call a day sheet, it has fillable areas for date, hours worked and an area to describe what was done that day. He adds the number of hours for things he is trying to track, ie 3/14/2019 7am to 5pm, roofing, concrete, fence 5hrs, dirt work.

Or you can do timesheets that have fillable areas to show from 7am to 9am personal care
9am to 11am dr appt
12pm to 2pm moms laundry

I think trying to micromanage your hours spent on specific tasks might be to time consuming. Keeping track of general jobs, ie personal care, financial care, transportation, etc. Will be more manageable and less time consuming. You don't want to set a precedent with the attorney that shows, 15 minutes in am for brief change, 20 minutes to doctor's office, 30 minutes for appointment that will drive you batty, but they will expect it if you ever once provide it.

As I like to say, keep it simple I'm stupid. I do believe there is power in simplicity. You are providing clear concise information, if need be do a sheet that specifically describes personal care, transportation, financial etc. Provide that with your first week and put a note on whatever you provide that description of activities is available upon request. If you are emailing you could make it an attachment.

Best of luck and I say good for you getting paid, if you weren't doing it someone would be and getting paid for it. It also helps to know the absent sibs won't benefit financially from all your hard work.
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anonymous763470 Mar 2019
Also, keep track of mileage for doctors visits, this is a tax deduction.
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Hello Karinslife,

After you assess going rates for services to get an idea, as suggested so well by Countrymouse, this is a valuable tool: https://ac-cdn.azureedge.net/resources/Content/www/eBook/AgingCare-CarePlanGuide.pdf. The Daily Care Plan Template that you asked about begins on p. 12. Lots of other helpful assessments and charts are included.

I have also used A Personal Care Agreement as a guide: https://www.agingcare.com/documents/personal_care_agreement_agingcare.pdf. Such a document will safeguard you from and clarify for your un-involved siblings.

Good Luck!

Loving,
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NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2019
Harvhelper,

How nice of you to send that link. Truly helpful. Thanks for your kindness.
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Step One: pretend you are a man. I am not being rude about men, I am just pointing out that they seem to suffer far less self-accusation and hesitation in claiming what they are actually owed by any reasonable, objective standard of measurement.

Step Two: plot those hours on a timetable, and then give the tasks category headings - bookkeeping, admin, facilities management, laundry, personal care, etc. - and then look at the market rate for the services applicable in each category. This is to compare what your mother would have to pay for external, commissioned services with what it will cost her if you do them.

Then design a pro forma time sheet, fill it in week by week, and away you go.

Who said you should do this for free? For your mother's lawyer to be organising it, your mother *herself* can't have thought you should; and if it's okay by her...
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David21 Mar 2019
I'm a man and I don't charge my parents for any of these tasks. I think it's fine to do so just not what I do. Should probably depend on the individual situation more than sex of the caregiver. If I did charge my parents for personal care I would tend towards the wage of a care giver vs. what an agency would charge ($12 vs. $20+). I would consider outsourcing it to an actual agency if I felt the need to charge that rate.
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