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Need suggestions on in home care and community activities.

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Hi Ewilson81,
You cannot. I tried this and now my dad is living with me.
He fell many times and was lucky enough to find someone around to help him
up. The I would take care of his wounds from falling. I never knew what his driving was like. He wanted to be in his home and driving as long as possible.
And I now realize that was a BIG mistake!
He was not able to understand what his doctor and that took a big toll on his health. He had many health issues that were never treated for years and is now dying from heart failure.
I really had no idea what he was eating or if he showered. I did ask and he always said of course. You can imagine what a shock it was to find out my dad had COPD, CHF, Afib, kidney disease, uncontrolled diabetes, uncontrolled high blood pressure and so on.
His last two falls were serious and he had to be hospitalized. And wouldn't you know it, he confessed to me that he hit someone in the parking lot and left in a hurry.
So now he's here with me and hubby. He is deteriorating by the day and his dementia is so much worse.
Now I know he's safe and eating/drinking.
Do you live close? It was a 45 minute drive one way for us. It wears you down.
Good luck with your decision. (((HUGS))))
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You can "Google" in home care in your area, as I'm sure there are many. You can also see if his city offers an adult daycare center, as many do as well. That is a great option, but someone would have to take him there and pick him up. They typically are fairly reasonable in price, and that includes breakfast, lunch, a snack, and entertainment, and he could be there up to 8 hours/day. Here in the city where I live in NC, the cost I believe is around $53 a day. Well worth every penny, and they take great care of them.
You know that eventually he will require more care and won't be able to live by himself, so it probably wouldn't hurt to start looking into placement options as well.
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JoAnn29 Aug 2021
$53 a day is cheap. Ours is County run and it $80 a day 5 years ago.
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Ewilson, when my Dad [in his 90's at the time] was home alone after my Mom had passed, he was quite agreeable to having caregivers come into the house. Whew!! Dad was very easy going and the caregivers loved him. So it was a win-win situation. Yes, expensive but Dad was able to budget for the cost.

We used a nationwide caregiving group, one that advertises on TV, and found them to be excellent. When first hired, the agency would send a different person for the 1st shift, then Dad was able to decide which caregiver he would want on a regular basis.

I didn't realize that Dad's memory was starting to slip as he seemed sharp whenever I was around him. I didn't realize he was showboating. It was his regular caregiver, and the weekend caregiver that clued me in. Both said it was time for Dad to move to senior living. It was an easy move as Dad said he was ready to move as the house and stairs were too much for him. I kept the 1st shift caregivers to give Dad a regular routine to see the same smiling faces each day. Thankfully, my parents had saved for a "rainy day", as it was storming out there.
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In home care is very expensive. Time to look into alternate living situations. He s Assisted living appropriate or is more intensive care needed? Call the Area Agency on Aging they will complete an assessment to determine the level of care necessary.
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Your Dad should not be alone at this point. You never know what they will do. They become like small children. Your Dad now needs 24/7 care. At $10 an hr. the cost of care is $240 a day, $1680 a week, $6720 a month. More if your using an agency. $10 is conservative. Aides in ur area maybe charging more. Aides are not self-employed. So you will be responsible for deducting the correct taxes and SS. The employer matches the SS. The deductions have to be sent to the correct agency quarterly. If you don't feel u can do this, you need to hire someone. I would see a CPA before I even consider this. You need to keep good records in case Dad ever needs Medicaid. They will want to know how his money was spent.

If you can't care for Dad, that is OK, but it would be less stress for you if you place him now. His Dementia will only worsen and he will need more care. When you have round the clock care, aides don't always show up. Sometimes things come up missing. And IMO live-ins are not a good idea. Some tend to get too comfortable. And you still have to have relief aides because u can't work a live-in more than 40 hrs a week. They have to have time off.

If Dad has money, place him in a nice AL. If no money, then find a nice NH and apply for Medicaid.
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$10.00/hour? That is a joke, right? For two people?

Facility living will be much cheaper for them.
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JoAnn29 Aug 2021
He is alone and I said that was a conservative figure. At one time in my area that was a starting salary for CNAs in the NHs around here. Very rarely do people paying privately take out taxes and SS. So $10 was tax free.
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Ok sure, it is just dad. Let's not forget that the IRS time and time again has determined that all sorts of home staff, nannies, caregivers, etc are employees. Paying cash under the table will lead to all sorts of problems with Medicaid qualification later.
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Home can can work (for a time) IF he will let them in.

Takes a responsible person to find, book & co-ordinate all the care though. This can vary so much between one regular live-in caregiver to agencies supplying staff. Caregivers get ill, have their own life emergencies too - no shows happen from time to time.

Many people try this as their Plan A (Age in Place).

It also very much depends on the level of needs though. If Dad needs some help but is OK for a day or so, can skip a shower, can make toast for dinner, remember his meds himself or you are happy to be the 'fill-in' 😃

However, if Dad would not eat at all, fall, wander without constant supervision ☹️. Then placement may be a better solution ie Plan B (Age in a Supported Place).
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Honestly, if Dad has dementia, he needs to be in memory care. He'll get better care, more mental stimulation, and his risk of falling (the greatest threat to his life) will be minimized compared to living at home.
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