Follow
Share

My sister, 87 has multiple problems, diverticulitis at the moment, and it’s driving me insane. She is 87 I am 80 and have a few mobility problems and finding it hard to clean up as my sight is poor. My son is the main caregiver but must work as he cannot get financial aid. I am scared I will die, and he will be stuck with all this. I have told him he must put her into a care home if I am dead, but I cannot sleep from all the worrying. She also has aortic stenosis and recently was discharged from hospital UK with a DNR. Most of her problems stem from alcoholism from which she became paranoid Schizophrenic and suffers from vascular dementia. I can cope with everything, but the poo makes me feel petty.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Why dont you put sister in a care home now? You are 80 and honestly cleaning up after your sister like this must be really hard on you too. There comes a time when we have to admit that a persons needs and care are just to much for you to handle.
Helpful Answer (9)
Report

Your sister needs more care than you and your son can provide. It's time for her to be placed in a care facility.
In a different post you say that your son who is in his fifties had to quit his job because he couldn't work and take care of you and your sister. Now he went back to work and you have to do for your sister at your age? That's ridiculous.
I don't know if you know this but about 50% of caregivers die before the people they care for.
For your son's sake put her in a care facility. Consider this. What happens to your sister and to you if your caregiver son drops dead (God grant him a long and healthy life) because being the caregiver to you and your sister hastens him to his grave? This happens all the time.
Your son should not have to live in a house where there is literally sh*t all over the place. You should not have to either. Your sister is an alcoholic, incontinent schizophrenic with vascular dementia.
She needs a higher level of care than the two of you can give her.
Do you and your son really want to die on that caregiving hill? Put her in a home so she can get the physical and mental care she needs.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report
Scampie1 Sep 2022
I've seen this happen time and time again when the caregiver died before the person receiving the care. It happens a lot. I see a lot of information about caring for these people but you rarely see any information for how caregivers can take care of themselves. If a caregiver does do something for themselves, it is followed up with this will make you a better caregiver for the care receiver. It's like your entire identity and everything you do is to make this person's life more liveable, but you as the caregiving are dying on the inside. You will beg for ten minutes of freedom just to get the heck away from this person.
I have a relative who was an alcoholic. All of his caretakers are deceased and he is still living at ninety-one. It's funny how these people will find folks who feel it's their job to take care of them.
(3)
Report
I would place her now, why put you & your son through all of this, when there are other options available?

At your age you are compromising your health and mental well-being.

Take care of you!
Helpful Answer (7)
Report
BurntCaregiver Jun 2022
You are right, MeDolly. It's just too much. The sister would be better off in care with a staff 24/7 to do for her.
(4)
Report
Sister needs placement ASAP. Don’t leave that for your son to handle. The paranoid schizophrenia alone requires close monitoring.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

It's good you are thinking about this.

I see the choices as;
- Waiting & leaving a stressful mess for your son.l & sister, or
- Planning & arranging the care your sister needs now.

Also arrange what care/services you may need too (if any) eg groceries, home cleaning.

Encourage your son to live an adult independent life. To work & earn he must - for his own retirement!

I have a relative with some similar serious & progressing conditions. The main caregiver has not planned for the future either. This wish to avoid change NOW will leave a FUTURE mess. Maybe they don't care as they won't see it..

Professionals advised getting settled into a care facility NOW. That this would be SO MUCH KINDER than dumped into the closest NH in an emergency.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Have you ever been instructed in proper cleaning up of feces? If not, please look it up and follow the guidelines, Feces transmit all kinds of diseases, and you should be wearing gloves when you do it. With your own vision problems and so on, you probably shouldn’t be doing it at all. You and your sister could both become ill if it’s not done right. You are obviously a kind and caring sister, but this job is best left to professionals. Please look
into it.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter