My mom is a BIG trigger for my dad who has early stage dementia. He accused her of cheating on him (not true) and after talking with her on the phone (conversation was kind) later on he becomes aggressive and combative with his memory care staff. How do I answer his questions when he asks why mom hasn’t visited him?
Actually, why is one living in AL and the other in MC if they're both suffering from dementia?
Use therapeutic fibs to answer his questions about why she doesn't visit lately (she's not feeling well, she's got an appointment, whatever: he's in MC so he shouldn't remember from one time to the next) -- eventually hopefully meds will work and then consider visits.
I was in my MIL's room in her LTC. While we were there she got a call from her son Glen. After she hung up I asked, "How's Glen doing?" She looked at me sadly and said, "I don't know... he hasn't called in a long time."
Good luck.
My mother rarely recognizes me and, when she does, she typically rages at me. (I made her grow old, I tried to kill her, my kids stole her stuff, I won’t drive her to her parents’ house, etc.) I trigger aggression, including biting. She has argued with staff that I am not her daughter. (they no longer announce my arrival, instead just referring to me as a visitor)
If I advise the home of my visit, they will sedate my mother. Enough to take the edge off. You may wish to discuss that with his doctor. Or fib that (depending on his nature) that she was there a few days ago, has caught something contagious, will be along shortly... or offer to pass along a message. Good luck!