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Dementia, physically in wheelchair due to back issues and legs also failing. We don’t trust a walker anymore after many falls. 24 hour care at home, bathing, dressing for couple years and now husband has stage 3 multiple myeloma. She does not recognize me as her daughter that takes care of her for last 35 years. She does go in and out of memories as who she does know and recognizes,
but nothing to depend on.

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No real need to "explain" as with the dementia she will not likely retain the explanation you give her.
But you can use..
The doctor said you have to stay here for a while.
This is your home now.
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againx100 Mar 2021
Such a perfect response.

Mom will not understand or remember so, keep it simple. She might be confused and difficult about it, but you know you have to do what you have to do. It's for the best for both of you.

Good luck.
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You tell her honestly. Clearly you have bumped right up against your limitations. There is no fix-it to this situation. While she may not be able to retain all you tell her, you should tell her. And if there are tears my question would be is this not worth grieving over? I hope her adjustment will go well. I wish you the best. I would think that rehab, once her ability to cooperate or improve would mean placement in another longer term care facility.
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You don’t tell her. There is no good reason to discuss the topic with a woman who is already anxious and depressed.

If she is used to going places in a car, tell her the day she’s going to the rehab that you’re going for a ride together.

A day or two before you plan for her to go, call and ask them if someone can come out and help her in when you arrive.

When you arrive at her new residence, call your contact and ask them to come out to the car and help you take your mom in.

Walk with her to where she’ll be staying, and give her a hug and tell her that you love her and you’ll see her soon, and leave.

The staff will know how to help her get comfortable and get into a routine.
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We told Mom she was going to a new apt and she would make new friends.
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My 92 year Mother that has lives with us over 50 years
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You could tell her that it’s a hotel, recommended by the doctor because it has such excellent staff. You and DH simply have to go away for a week, so this is the best thing for her while you're away. Telling her the rest of the story could come when this step has settled down.
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If you tell her the "truth" and she becomes upset and you become upset and then she forgets and you have to repeat this over and over again... it's a horrible, pointless version of Groundhog's Day. Why do that? There's no moral or ethical reason to continuously upset her because she will never retain the information or be able to properly process it. Tell her a "therapeutic story" -- whatever works! The house needs repairs and to keep her safe her doctor says she needs to stay in a special place for a while, etc. May you have peace in your heart!
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AnnReid Mar 2021
A person with dementia lives within his or her “truth” at a given moment. That’s part of the reason why they need help.

If the speaker attempts to impose THEIR TRUTH instead of staying with the dementia sufferer, they are assuming that they can reach their listener with fact.

”Truth” is very much in the ear of the listener.

I am perfectly comfortable choosing to not be the cause of crying/grief/sorrow/anxiety in my LO.

”Facts” are not always interchangeable with “Truth”.

I have told my POAs to tell me what will make me comfortable if I become disabled by dementia, and keep “truth” for their taxes and testifying in court.
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