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Mom lives with myself and my husband. She loses money that she gets out of the bank by other family members taking her to the bank. This happens every week. Most of the time we don't even know she has the money, much less how much. When she can't find the money she accuses us of stealing the money and gets very angry. The same thing happens with her losing her debit card. She does not want us to keep these items for her. She keeps saying she can handle it. Should we continue to let her keep the money and card in her possession or should we keep them for her? It is nerve wreaking when she loses it and the house is turned upside down.

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I would find a way to get a Power of Attorney and immediately close the accounts or have you sign anything if money is needed. And I would make it very plain that the people are NOT going to take her to the bank. Take credit cards and money away from her - what on earth does she need that for? I simply would set the law down and set boundaries and tell her this will NOT be tolerated under any circumstances. Sounds like dementia. DO NOT LET HER HANDLE THIS MONEY.
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This has been an ongoing problem for us from the get go.  My moms siblings give her money and she hides it or loses it ...who knows.  I keep telling them not to give her money.  She doesn't know what day it is, what time it is or what season it is...she has no business handling money.
I told my uncle he may has well roll his window down and throw the money out as he is driving home.  They just don't get it.  After a couple of years of this argument, I finally took my moms purse that had dirty underwear, a fork, tweezers, some socks and an old birthday card in it and removed any debit cards or money.  She doesn't even remember to ask about it now. 

This is so hard to deal with....the accusations, the mistrust, the constant looking.  I don't know your moms personality or the extent of her dementia, but would fake money or just a couple of ones in a wallet suffice?  Maybe several wallets in various hidden spots like a dresser or under a couch cushion?  When she asks
about it, just say oh I know where you hid that, check under the couch cushion.

When my mom is on a rant or repeat, I try to drastically change the subject by asking her a question.  Mom, where would you like me to put these towels?  Mom do you use vegetable oil or olive oil when making that cake? etc...
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Does she spend it? Or just likes to have it around the house?

Amazon sells realistic counterfeit money!

If she doesn’t spend it, tell her that you went to the bank for her.

The fake money is cheap. It’s $20 bills just like an atm stop!
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Why on earth is someone allowing her to get money out of the bank in her mental status? Why is this account not closed or required to have TWO signatures so the money can be controlled? What does she need money for? And as the credit card, why not just cancel it or say it was lost or perhaps put a limit of a few hundred dollars on it. And as to be accused of stealing, I would be furious and let her know it. She is living in your house so YOU have to SET RULES AND BOUNDARIES.....and make them stick - or god help you.
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what a dilemma!
1. are the family members who regularly take her to the bank getting a cut of the withdrawal? Perhaps that's a reason they are so amenible to the errand. Maybe they should be responsible for giving you the receipt from the bank. This would help you know how much money your mother has.
2. whenshe accuses you of stealing --act the way you would if she were 4 years old. Don't engage, leave the room, use your headphones. She wants interaction with you even if it's bad interaction. When she comes home from the bank maybe she could make piles of her cash to show you. Show and tell.
3. Of course she says she can handle the $ and the debit card. It's her way of holding on to her old life when she WAS in control. She's not so much mad as frustrated and mad at herself. What does she buy with her debit card? Find a NICE box for her to put her valuables in. Get her into the habit of putting her money and CC in it.
4. Would you let a 4 year old have access to his piggy bank at all times? No, of course not. You two are changing roles and it's not fun for each of you. But stick to your guns.
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You can’t possibly comprehend how ugly it can get to give them access to accounts, but give her $5 in singles. She’ll b happy, and you’ll feel good.
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Ah dementia - so fun. This isn't so much a solution, but something to give you a smile - I hope.

Dad was money obsessed and always worried about money (I always swore he cried every time he parted with a nickel). I was surprised when Mom gave me the check book - she was still able to balance the checkbook, I guess she was tired of messing with it. This was while they were still in independent living. Because dad fell a lot (stokes in the balance center of his brain - who knew), they moved to A/L but a couple of years later my dad who was 90 and tired of living got bad enough to get moved to the SNF. I always made sure they had cash to take care of incidentals and they had credit cards.

Well of course when dad moved to the SNF part of the community he no longer needed money or credit cards. However, he was upset because he had no money, so at the beginning mom would put a few singles in his dresser underneath some clothing and tell him where it was. Well as he was now in hospice they took him off all his meds except the ones for keeping him comfortable - so he always forgot where the money was. Mom finally took the money back.

One time dad wanted some money and I asked what he needed it for and he said his meals, Well dad your rent covers your meals also. Really? Yes they include all your meals.

On another visit he needed $25 that he needed to pay some woman for something she bought him - boy was he upset - finally I told, Dad I sent her a check this morning, it's all taken care of.

Another time the phone rang at 9pm - I picked it up resigned because I knew the SNF was calling to say he fell - again! But no, it was Dad, he was freaking out because he needed $660 - now! Finally I calmed him down and explained it was late and I couldn't possibly get that much money at this time of night and I promised I would bring the money first thing in the morning. He was happy and I prayed he wouldn't remember the conversation from the night before - and no he did not.

He always claimed mom was out spending all their money; spending it on her boyfriends ?? - which of course she did not do on boyfriends she did not have. - Ah - good times!

Dad died about a year and half ago. I kind of miss our money discussions - It makes me smile and laugh to remember them.

The not so funny discussion dad and I had was when mom and dad gave me the POA. He and I were in the waiting room of his DR. He was worried that I'd take their money for myself; "money does funny things to people" - that of course really ticked me off. I told mom that if that was how he felt about it, I'd refuse to be POA and when the time came he would be appointed a guardian - which would cost him money. Well it worked out in the end. Mom is still living - in lock down and both of us are counting down the days when we have physical contact again.

I'm sorry about the upset to your household. Is she at the point where she wouldn't tell the difference between real money and monopoly money or play money. If so, keep some somewhere in her room and pull it our when she can't find the money she took out of the bank and say here it is. If not, keep some of her money in the house and pull it out when she can't find what she did with hers.

Good Luck and may God bless you all.
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Imho, an individual with dementia does not have the lucidity to possess money nor a debit card.
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No-- family should take care of bills and any monies---- the first year we found out MOM had over and over sent money to various greedy charities-- we confiscated her purse and all forms of ID.. as well as her Driver's License since would never be allowed behind the wheel ever again.... anyone who does not appoint a POA is asking for swindlers to call and show up thinking they have the authority to "help" when they are pure and simple con men and women---
Another smart practice-- never let the courts appoint a caretaker-- most of them are just as human as the regular thieves-- and will more than often steal when given the chance--
And our best CNAs and we went thru a bunch of them-- were older not young teens-- and were vetted thru the company were doing business with.
Best advice-- take away the wallet and check book. And never give any money to them-- if you go shopping-- with your demented loved one-- you pay every time. The old life is passed away-- your loved one is a new creation. Old never mixes with new,,, put away the old life-- it is gone. Good luck. Oh-- rule number one-- when faced with "situations"-- always change the subject to a more important issue. -- Expl-- " Where is that $5 bill I set here? -- Mom-- just a minute-- your daughter wants to know if you are still going out to eat with us tomorrow-- and oh-- did you want your favorite dessert ? " Just change the subject. You are dealing with someone who cannot handle two trains of thought. Use your head. Don't let her demons beat you over yours.
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She could have a little lock box in her room to keep her money. And a little purse that she really likes to carry her money when she wants to have it with her. My Grandpa was losing his teeth & his eyeglasses often...and getting very upset..that we had moved them..or thrown them away. I put a little plastic box for the teeth...one in the living room & one in his bedroom. And a box with a picture of a famous baseball player (from the Dodgers, his favourite team) in the living room & his bedroom. So he puts his teeth & eyeglasses in his Fred Boxes now. And rarely loses them. It has helped a lot Additionally Rosemary s 'the herb of 'remberance' . It smells and taste's very pleasant. I put a small teaspoon of dried rosemary powder on his oatmeal each morning. And sometimes he will drink a cup of rosemary & sage tea with honey. It definitely helps. I take it myself when Im studying
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It must be so terrifying that her mind is deteriorating and playing tricks on her.

Let her keep a purse or two filled with items that are important to her. Have her keep those purses at home.

Explain to friends and family members that trips to the bank are not helpful but detrimental.

Give her $1 bills to keep in her purse. She will feel good seeing the stack in her wallet. This money makes her feel secure and comfortable and it won’t hurt as much if the money is misplaced or hidden.

When she accuses people of stealing divert the conversation.

She is associating money with safety. Reassure her that she is safe, cared for. Give her a hug, a blanket or other “comfort items” when her mind is racing.
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My mom has dementia she tells my brothers girlfriend all the time people keeps taking her money dog and her shoes . We till her that it's two cold for her to go outside and that her money is put up then one of us will give her a few dollars and she's happy . A few minutes late she asked me to put it in her drawer beside her bed Try doing that
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"She loses money that she gets out of the bank by other family members taking her to the bank. This happens every week. Most of the time we don't even know she has the money, much less how much."

You said you are the POA. If you have access to her account(s), why would you not know how much she took out and what she should have "on hand"?

Personally, once this kind of financial inability happened, I took over. She had a CC only and if she put it back into her purse, not the wallet, it was LOST! I could only call and cancel the card, then would have to be at HER place, with HER on the phone, unable to clearly understand, to give me okay to ask for a new card. I learned from the first time what had happened. When I was there to place the call, she handed me the card with the phone number on it. I nonchalantly folded it and put it in my pocket. This was one time she didn't forget and demanded her card back! I threw it onto the table and said have fun trying to use it. It's bent AND you had me cancel it!

So, the second time she said it was lost, could I call and cancel it, I waited a few days, called and had her check the purse. Sure enough, there it was! Even with POA there were restrictions (no online access, no alerts could be set), but I was finally able to get them to reduce the limit to avoid loss if she lost the card for real!

I found it was better to remove ALL access to bills and bank information. I had forwarded her mail to my PO Box (she lived alone) temporarily, to get the bills, call the billers, have the billing address changed, etc. Not too long after I had to get YB to take her out for a while and remove ALL checks, statements, bills, ANY paperwork from her place. Once gone, she forgot about them. She was digging out old stuff and driving me nuts on the phone!

I would put a stop to others "taking her to the bank." Not saying they are doing anything, she could just be "hiding" it and forgetting where she put it, but why take that chance? If she w/draws $200 and comes home with $50, where did the $150 go? What does she even need the cash for?

If possible, replace the ATM card with a pre-pay refillable debit card, making sure it has limit set so no overdrafts. If she questions it, the bank is changing how things work. If she questions no statements, the bank doesn't send them anymore. They do sell play money that appears to look more real (not like Monopoly money.) Perhaps you can get this for her instead? Then she can hide all she wants! If lost, or she accuses you of stealing it, say here, I found your money on the table and hand her some more!

The less you provide, the less she can complain about!
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I give my husband play money that I bought off of Amazon it’s unbelievably realistic looking. I also give him expired credit cards or ID cards are these card to come in the mail that coupon it looks like a credit card I’ll kind of fake stuff to put in their wallet and he is at stake six and doesn’t have a clue that none of this is real
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It’s probably not wise she hold these things anymore. Let her know her money is safely staying in the bank that way there is no question where her money is. Everyone needs to stop taking her to the bank. If there is money she needs to let you know so you know why she needs it and if it’s even necessary to go to the bank. Sometimes you’re just going to have to say the bank is closed, and put her attention on something else, don’t let the disease be smarter than you. You can say, we don’t have time to go to the bank today because were going to go visit so and so or you’re going to help me bake a cake or wash the dishes etc. Eventually she will forget about asking for her money. I hope you have in place a conservatorship for her, so you can handle her money issues with her. If she is not seeing a Geriatric Dr., or Geriatric Psychiatrist she needs to be. Proper meds and dosages can help calm this behavior. Another suggestion is to occupy her mind with other things so she doesn’t focus on just one thing. Give her small tasks to do throughout the day. For example: if she’s able to fold towels, match socks, matching cards, and it doesn’t matter what it is really just give her a little more structure throughout her day, things to look forward to as she’s unable to no longer structure her day on her own. And also know her attention span can be limited so don’t expect her to do one thing for an extended period of time.
In loving memory of my Gramma Rosie!
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Well, first of all, everything I’ve read has happened one time or another to us.
My mother has Vascular Dementia, and Alzheimer’s . Thank goodness I’m her POA and now Trustee. She has in the past, removed me from checking accounts, took me off as POA, moved her money to different banks, cashed out bits of her stock, gambled away $40,000. She accused her caregivers of stealing her paintings, purses, clothing etc. She has seen imaginary people at her door trying to get in, saying that they come in and steal from her. Misplaces her purse, keys, money won at casino and blames us.
I convinced her to put me back on as POA because I needed to do her taxes and I needed access to her financial statements. I also limited the amount she could spend at the Casino, gave her an allowance, all which she hated and told me she would go to court and disown me.
As painful and stressful all this turmoil was, I just kept thinking this was in her best interest. I had two doctors test and examine her to be sure it wasn’t something else. This isn’t an easy road to travel. We were met with every know roadblock. Mom would have good days, but mostly bad. When the Fire Department and Ambulance pulled me aside and suggested it was time mom needed 24/7 care, I gave in. I really wanted her to stay in her home with caregivers, but her home was a hoarders trap. It just wasn’t safe anymore.
It didn’t stop, her behavior at the first facility was a nightmare. I moved her after three weeks!
She is now in a beautiful Memory Care with loving, caring and on top of her moods and behavior. So, keep your spirit up! Remember, she may hate you and fight you, but it’s for her own good. It’s not the mom you remember, but in her heart she love you!
Bless you on this journey!
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My Alzheimer's-ridden mom used to accuse my husband and me of stealing things form her purse. She had all of $5 and a lipstick in there. She even accused me of stealing her dental bridge, which was in her mouth! I wrote a book about our travails taking care of her called, "My Mother Has Alzheimer's and My Dog has Tapeworms: A Caregiver's Tale." I have a chapter entitled, "Steel Yourself for Stealing." I agree with the other posters, in that if your MIL constantly misplaces things, she shouldn't be in control of her money. You might share your concerns with the other people who take her to the bank, and maybe they can make excuses as to why they can't take her. Or, if you're home when she gets back from the bank, you could put her money in a locked safe that only you have the combination for. Dementia is a very tough disease to deal with. As others have said, you can't reason with them.
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The same thing happened to me with my aunt. She would lose her money right after getting home from the bank. She would blame me, and then she would find it in odd places every single time. Don't worry about her accusing you of stealing money. Instead of fighting with her about it, take her money from her and put it in the same spot every time she gets home with it. Don't let her have it on her, because with dementia she will certainly put it somewhere ridiculous. I had my aunt put her money inside of the fireplace during winter, and I only noticed it right before I lit some logs. I thought to myself, she said she was missing money, this is her bank's little money envelope...and it's in the fireplace.

The bottom line is, people with dementia cannot be reasoned with. It's sad when this hits suddenly, but most of the time what we actually notice is late-stage dementia. We don't notice the little changes that come before the delusions and accusations. If she thinks you stole her money, then there's really no way to refute it besides showing her where it is. I hope this advice helps,
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She really doesn't even need money, right? Anyone who visits her and takes her out of the house needs to be told she does not need to go to the bank. These folks need to understand that when she misplaces it, you spend hours trying to find it and is accusing you of stealing it. It is not an argument you need to deal with everyday and it's an extremely common issue with dementia. Mom sticks money, jewelry, car keys somewhere - forgets where it is - and now someone stole it.

These people may not understand the extent of her dementia or that losing things is one of the first issues that indicates there is a problem. She may still be at a stage where she is handling herself quite well in the company of others. For some reason, sitting around with you there can be a lot of memory issues but if they get around others or moving around, there seems to be something like a spark to the brain and become very coherent. I sometimes wonder if the getting out of the house, hearing a different voice energizes the brain a little. The change can be amazing - maybe there is some research out there where things in the brain can be repaired/rewired by way of changing experiences during the day.

Before she leaves the house with anyone, ask her to show you the card and her cash (if she is headed somewhere that she'll need those items). Tell person taking her, they will need to keep up with both while in their care - and you ask for them upon her return. Find a box or bowl that card and cash (and keys) are kept for her and see if you can get a routine planted in her brain to avoid daily easter egg hunts.

I would also suggest you trade the debit card for a credit card that is not directly tied to her bank account. If she loses the card outside the home, it's easier to cancel a credit card than it is to cancel and try to recoup stolen money (especially if she gives the PIN to someone - you won't get that money back).
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Dear SkyPrincess,
I am a patient who was diagnosed with Early Onset ALZ just about 5 yrs ago. I watched my Stepfather and Maternal Uncle who was Priest die from ALZ. These 2 men are two of the three most influential men in my life. The third was my FIL. I have experienced three people in my family Stepfather and maternal uncle, doing the stash the cash game. We are now just discovering my DMIL and DFIL also liked to stash cash, as did my MaternalGM. ALL six of these people lived through the Depression of 29. All six did not have complete confidence in our financial system. My MaternalGM had 30,000.00 stashed in her house. My stepfather and uncle both had several thousand stashed away which we discovered when we were cleaning up their belongings after they died. Since my MIL died during the Christmas Season, we've only begun to find stashes of money they had, and my DW and BIL are the ones responsible for their estates. The only way to stop it is by denying them access to cash, which would be difficult unless you had POA's.
My recommendation to our fellow readers is to go forward engage and Elderlaw Attorney to set up a TRUST, DPOA's, and Medical Directives. The TRUST allows your beneficiaries to receive what you want to give them in terms of money and will not be subject to Probate. We are finding out in VA Probate is going to be about a 2 yr affair, and will take 1.5% of the Estates. I say why feed the Govt when you've been feeding it your whole life and in most cases you've paid taxes on the money you've earned. Good luck to all.
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sunshinelife Mar 2021
Great insights. My Grandpa was born just around the Great Depression also. I have explained a few times that having good credit is more important that a lot of cash in bank (& wherever else stashed) and bad credit. That he might need his credit rating for assisted living or whatever needs he might have in the future. His fear of the great depression reoccurring is way more powerful than reason. I explained that many economic measures have been put in place to stop the crash market ever crashing like that again. I do my best to accept him just as he is. We all have some crazy in us. My only wish for him is that he would spend some of his hard earned and carefully saved money with a better quality of life. Maybe go on a cruise or a bus trip & see other places where he's never been. I give him plenty of teas of rosemary, sage and nettle tea. Sweetened with plenty of honey. He says no to everything & anything new initially. ..every and anything new lol! :) Then he gets to really like it & asks for it constantly. Same applies with the tea. Really helps his mental state a Lot. Google "medical studies on the efficacy of rosemary herb for dementia" Do the same for sage. Studies have proved it really helps. He gradually got off all the drugs the system had him on. Big improvement.
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The other family members taking her to the bank without you knowing about it has to stop. Explain to the family your mom sees and goes out with that she has dementia and they are not to take her to the bank even if she asks.
The debit card is something else. That has to go, or you have to keep it for her. If she's paying for things on it when family takes her out she won't remember paying and her account balance will run into trouble with the bank. You will be the one who will have to sort it out with the bank.
Does anyone have POA over her? If someone does then they should transfer her cash and income into a different bank account that she does not have access to.
You could also prevent her from having any cash and just take the backlash that will come with that. Or limit her amount of cash on hand because she's going to lose it. You're going to get it anyway. When her money goes missing because she doesn't remember what she did with it, you get accused and blamed for stealing it. If you deprive her of having cash on hand you will get blamed for that too. You will be the one dealing with it with the bank if she bounces checks or overdrafts on her debit card. Because of the dementia and not remembering, she will not be agreeable to any sensible arrangement and there will be tantrums regardless.
Take the debit card away and only allow a small amount of cash on hand (maybe $20) a month for her to lose and just take the backlash. She may need that money she loses at some point.
If the family members who take her out are trustworthy, let them hold her debit card when they take her out so she can buy things she wants within reason. At least you'll have a record of what's spent and can manage her bank account. Let them know that they are NOT to take her to the bank for any reason. I'm sorry that I can't offer you a better solution because there's not one. Situations like yours happen all the time and it's a no-win for everyone. Your mom might need that money she loses all the time for paid care at some point. You're going to have to bite the bullet and just suck it up with the tantrums because she can't be allowed unsupervised access to money anymore.
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This is a very frustrating situation that I can completely relate to. My father is constantly losing money as he hides it in various places around the house and then accuses family members of taking it. He often asks neighbors to take him to the bank and gets out between $50-$150 in cash to keep on hand but then quickly loses it. Even though he has POA and doesn't drive, he has been able to sneak to the bank many times. Of course, we try to explain that everything is bought for him, and cash isn't needed, but he feels stressed if he doesn't have some cash on hand, just in case he needs it. He doesn't use a wallet anymore, but has folded up the money into tiny wads and shoves it usually in his front jean pockets (the tiny pocket in Levi's) or again, hides it usually in his room. If he doesn't have cash, he feels a loss of control. This is hard situation to deal with so we just count it partly as a cost for his happiness and know that at least $50 to $150 a month may be lost or hidden. I would be worried about fake money in his case, because he definitely would know the difference and would possibly try to use it at the dollar store or Walgreens at some point. I like the idea of the pre-paid credit card! Hang in there and sorry you're dealing with this.
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sunshinelife Mar 2021
you are kind person Suzanne. please let him have the money that makes him happy. men have to feel productive & in control to have good esteem. You won't remember the money when he's gone, you'll remember his big smile & how his chest puffed up when he put the money in his pocket & felt 'well swell & in control '
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Do you or husband have POA for mom?

Ask all family members to not take MIL to the Bank.

Give MIL a Bank Card that has been Closed.

Let MIL use checks and then you can see where the money goes.

Maybe she isn't losing the money, maybe she gives it away and forgets.

My 96 yr old Dad wanted money.

Im the only one on his Account with him.

I use to take him by the Bank to withdraw a hundred dollars then I just started saying I would bring him some cash and he would forget about it.

I would also tell him just to tell me what he wanted and I would buy it.

I told him all his bills were paid automatically out of his checking account. I hired my mower to mow his yard as different people would come to his door asking for money.

But, in the end if you don't have POA and she is of right mind, there's not really anything you can do about it.

But I would at least tell all to not take her to get money out of the Bank because it causes problems at home with her losing the money then blaming ya'll for taking it.
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Why does she have a card for someone to steal ? Attorney told me a person has Dementia should never have a card for someone to steal or lose. If loss you are in a big mess trying to get all the mess cleaned up. My husband has Lewy Body Dementia he doesn't even carry a billfold anymore . I am his POA. I control the money, health.
Are you POA then you control everything. A little money to make her happy. If she has dementia then she is not in control over her bills, her health you are. My mom died last December I didn't even know she had 5 POAs in my mom's life all selected by my brother. He already took almost all their money and then allowed his friends as POA to take the rest. She died broke. She didn't have Dementia but being in a nursing home she couldn't pay her bills on her home. She told me how she was denied any money by the POA . My dad had Dementia he lost his mind. Mom cared for him every day until he abused her . Then mom couldn't walk go off in a nursing home.
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Stop the trips to the bank.
(and not to be a skeptic...are you sure mom is bringing home the money or is the person taking her to the bank keeping the money?)
VOID the debit card. If she goes to use it say there must be a problem we will look into it. (again the skeptic here...is she loosing the card or are others using it?)
Do you have access to her account(s)? Can you see the activity, what and when is money being withdrawn?
Do you have POA to be able to do this? If not it is a bit late for that you would have to seek Guardianship.
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Pardon the pun but putting my 2 cents in. My mother is diagnosed with AL dementia, can not logically read statements or count money at this point, I became her POA last summer. My mother also loses money and other items, and acuses family members of stealing or coming into her house to do it even whey they are not there. You may need to get something in writing from her doctor explaining her mental status. Then you may need an elder attorney to become the POA and hopefully she will consent. You may tell your mother you are doing it to protect her and keep others from stealing from her. It is good to let your mother have some money because it is her money and she should not need to feel deprived. She may need a debit card, but you maybe issues a debit card as well by financial institution. They did that in my case, my mother's debit card does not work but she has one just to hold onto. I take care of her financial transactions and keep her informed about them. Hope something can be worked out.
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BurntCaregiver Mar 2021
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I know I am exhausted being the “bad guy.” But sometimes it’s necessary to put an end to others taking her to the bank and allowing her to keep cash in the house. As my mother’s POA, when I finally got to delve into what was happening with her accounts, I found a mess. I stopped everyone from taking her anywhere. She also was withdrawing cash from the ATM and doing God knows what with the money. I had suspicions that some of the people that were “helping” her were also being given cash.

I had a conversation with the bank manager about options. Some were to open another account with only a small amount of money in it. I also had the option of limiting the amount of cash that could be withdrawn on a debit card. I had to take away her checkbook and debit card after I placed her in an AL.

I actually didn’t have to deal with setting up a different account because she declined so quickly. One of the things I was worried about however, was having those larger cash withdrawals scrutinized by Medicaid in the future. She was taking out 500 or so sometimes and that money was never accounted for. So I want to insure that everything is transparent and paid for with a check and a corresponding bill or receipt. So I actually never have withdrawn cash from my mother’s account with a debit card.

When she had good moments there were many arguments and accusations. But I had to be firm and stand my ground. If she is in your house you may set the rule to be “we don’t allow cash in our house because we don’t want to tempt thieves” or something along those lines. Good luck!
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It is obvious she can not handle her money. Talk to all the family members and let them know that mom can not keep track of where she puts her money. Ask them to refrain from "helping her get to the bank." I would also suggest that you replace her debit card with a reloadable "gift card" from one of the major credit card companies. Reload it with an amount you feel comfortable with her "losing." Her regular debit card and credit cards should be "lost" in a safe place that she does not have access to. Please make sure you have powers of attorney for financial and medical drawn up by a lawyer so you can legally handle these matters for your mom.
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They may get to the point where they don't know the value of money. They could be scammed easily. And she will most likely keep losing the card and of course there is always the possibility of someone finding the card and using it. So, if it were me, I wouldn't let her keep it. Also keep track of who is calling, people could scam her over the phone.
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We gave my Mom a small Bank account that she could write checks on. I took care of everything else out of a different account. I think I had a few hundred in it and then monitored it. I told everyone else about it and to inform me if they were having her write a check so I could make sure it didn't bounce.
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