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Well, I wasn’t able to get my Mom(81) to her doctor appointment again because she said she was too cold. I left a message with her doctor to call me as she may end up in the hospital again for dehydration. She sits in her recliner under the electric blanket I got her recently and doesn’t move, just sleeps all day and wakes weak and disoriented. She doesn’t drink much to avoid having to use the bathroom and she doesn’t eat until mostly when I bring her food. So she continues to lose weight and dry out each day. She also needs to be diligent in taking her meds, including depression medications. I’m not sure what else to do. I prepare her meals and get all her groceries/necessities and drinks. But I just can’t get her to get up, eat and drink on her own. That’s the issue now that it's ‘too cold’. I agree it is cold, but the furnace is on and I told her to turn it up. The bill is not the problem. So I warned her that if she doesn’t try to drink or eat during the day, her doctor will enforce in-home care, which she is absolutely against. I will be working full-time again in March 2020, thanks to finally getting hired, so I’ll have limited ability to help her full-time. Does anyone else have this dilemma with their elderly parent(s).

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It sounds like your mother needs Assisted Living. Desperately. Before you're rushing her back & forth to the hospital once a week for dehydration and other issues from living the way she is. Of course, you can get her long underwear and other cold weather gear to help keep her warm, but that doesn't really seem to be the issue. She's obviously not feeling 'cold' while laying in a recliner under an electric blanket..........right? She really shouldn't be left alone all day if she refuses to drink fluids and sleeps all day........it's just too dangerous for that age group. In home care can be an option, but Assisted Living is a much better environment in general for the elderly. They get 3 hot meals a day and someone comes in to check if they don't show up for meals! There's activities and all sorts of things to keep them stimulated and socialized.

If she refuses help, in home care or Assisted Living, you may have to wait until she gets taken to the ER for a fall or other health issue; if they refuse to release her to independent living, she'll have NO other choice but to live in Assisted Living.

Best of luck!
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BLTMom33 Dec 2019
Thanks for your response and suggestions. I agree and really hate to think that she will have to go to assisted living, but what I’ve been doing isn’t working and since I need to continue to work full-time, my visits and food preparation isn’t doing enough. I call her and she doesn’t realize the time and that she slept all day without eating. She is physically very well, but she is killing herself by not getting up, eating or drinking again. I’m at my wits end and need to hear this to know what I need to do to help her. Thanks again for your response. God Bless You!
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I agree that being cold is merely a symptom of everything else that is wrong, she desperately needs to get up and move and to eat and drink enough to maintain her weight. I would insist on some level of home care, if an outsider could get her up out of that chair for one decent meal each day, to take her meds, and perhaps a little walk around her home it would be hugely beneficial.
Frailty creeps up insidiously and your mother is already well on the way to fall leading to an inability to walk, once that happens home care won't satisfy the level of care she will need.
And do speak to the doctor about her antidepressants, perhaps it is time to tweak them a little.
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BLTMom33 Dec 2019
Thank you for your response. I agree and have been trying hard to help her the way she wants rather than the way she needs. I love her so much, but agree that she (we) needs someone else to help here since I cannot seem to do it alone. I appreciate the encouragement and advice! God Bless You.
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You tell her to turn up the thermostat? What is it set at? Why don't you turn it up? Then prepare to start dressing as if it is midsummer.

Start looking for assisted living now, long before you return to work.
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BLTMom33 Dec 2019
Thank you. I will definitely do that and hope she doesn’t turn it down after I leave. I appreciate you and thank so much for responding. God Bless You.
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It may be time for her to be placed in AL. She will have 24/7 care, they will monitor her and she will be surrounded by people of her generation, you will amazed how important this is, isolation is not the answer. They are trained to deal with people like her, they have skills that you do not have.

Don't let guilt stop you from doing the right thing for her.
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BLTMom33 Dec 2019
Thank you so much for your response. I agree and I have to stop putting this off until next it’s too late. I’m only putting a bandage on what requires stitches. I need to move forward to make sure she’ll be okay. Thanks again for your feedback. It helps! God Bless You.
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