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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
You say "We have decided that your Mom can't stay overnite anymore during holidays because of the episodes we have had of her confusion. It makes us too worried for her safety. I am so sorry; we can help you to make arrangements for her and for yourself elsewhere."
Frame it as doing what is best for her. That an overnight stay would be harming and not helping. I’m sure everyone won’t like her not being there, but they also want what is best for Mom.
LoopyLoo - Not all the sibs will see it as 'what is best for mom'. If you take mom to spend the night and then just return her to her home, you really wouldn't see the confusion that follows. Some kids just don't realize when a parent can't do what they used to do. Drop by visits just don't give an accurate viewpoint of declining abilities. Some kids just don't want to admit to themselves that mom has more limits now.
If it's the latter, there must be statistics you can find somewhere that will prove how many elders are admitted to ER with broken necks of femurs over the Christmas and New Year season because they have been navigating their children's houses and missed their steps. Anecdotally I know it happens so often it's virtually a given.
If it's the former... what would you like to do instead, what do you think would be best? Suggest that.
countrymouse - True. When you get out of your element everything you do is different. Even the seating that can cause aches and pains for weeks afterwards. Not one of my siblings has a recliner chair that my mom can sit in comfortably. They are all extra tall, large men type chairs so her feet won't even touch the ground. Sofas and other chairs are the big over sized seating and you have to try to find the right pillow combination for her to sit. She cannot get her walker into anyone's bathroom, which means I have to take/set up a potty chair in an area where she can get to. At a birthday party, she sat in a hard wooden rocker and attempted to use walker to go across grass for a distance about 3 times further than she normally walks at one time. She ended up with compression fractures in lower spine and my 24/7 caregiving days began - about 5 yrs ago.
Now we go for a few hours and return to her house where everything 'fits' her and is routine.
You just say it, especially if mom is staying over night and then being returned to you for 24/7 caregiving. Ask them to visit her, in small groups. And with the covid thing, to be sure they are masking and avoiding crowds/parties for the 10 day (or so) period prior to their visit. If you have non-maskers or conspiracy believers in your family, mom doesn't need to be in the same room with them anyway.
If nothing else, blame it on the covid. All that packing, being in a crowd, around a lot of small children or other chaos that comes with visits and holidays is not in mom's daily routine anymore. Assuming they aren't around mom that much, so they really have no idea how very little change in her routine can create confusion that lasts for days.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If it's the latter, there must be statistics you can find somewhere that will prove how many elders are admitted to ER with broken necks of femurs over the Christmas and New Year season because they have been navigating their children's houses and missed their steps. Anecdotally I know it happens so often it's virtually a given.
If it's the former... what would you like to do instead, what do you think would be best? Suggest that.
Now we go for a few hours and return to her house where everything 'fits' her and is routine.
Are they being inflexible?(maybe due to lack of knowledge?)
Times change, people change. With life, age & illness. Adaptions need to be made.
Or being selfish?
Is their plan of seeing their Mother really more important than her wellbeing & safety?
If nothing else, blame it on the covid. All that packing, being in a crowd, around a lot of small children or other chaos that comes with visits and holidays is not in mom's daily routine anymore. Assuming they aren't around mom that much, so they really have no idea how very little change in her routine can create confusion that lasts for days.