My NPD/bipolar mom asked me today to do her a favor & send her mail. I go up every week to see her (2 hrs away). I won't do this as she hoards mail, even junk mail, in a BIG way. She binge watches TV & reads. That's pretty much it. She will drive down to pick up a few groceries around the corner. A neighbor drops by as well, and I take her shopping when I come up. I told her to read out on her patio or drive down the street (amazing shopping nearby) & walk around. Sit & have a coffee & read. Change up her location. Does your parent also complain about being bored/lonely & yet refuse to be physically active? Have they never been into self-soothing activities/hobbies?
Good luck!
And she DID have to have a pacemaker soon after.
But she thrived. She got a smaller place, went to library often in her Senior complex, made friends, walked, told me "If I can stay WELL I would treasure a few more years of life". Over a glass of wine she could become weepy of an eve when we were visiting. Good memories recounted. Missing Dad. But she did well until her own death.
This was my experience as a nurse also. I think the brave die bravely, the kind die kindly, the non complainers without complaint, the complainers complaining and etc.
I think we often don't change a whole lot. Not that we CAN'T change. We can, but it takes work, courage, insight, determination.
My take only. Those of us who enjoy a good book, a good podcast, a good reality series, a good game of solitaire, a good walk, a plant we nurture, for the most part are content. Those who are not content often never were.
My Mum is 87, she walks her dog, works in her garden, volunteers, dragon boats, belongs to a book club, belongs to a social club that meets twice a month, on Zoom during Covid, just back to in person. She has friends over for dinner 1-2 times a month and dines at friends houses too. She does make up for local theatre productions, volunteers as an usher at the theatre, helps her elderly friends and much more.
My mother in law on the other hand barely left her house for years.
"My Mum is 87, she walks her dog, works in her garden, volunteers, dragon boats, belongs to a book club, belongs to a social club that meets twice a month, on Zoom during Covid, just back to in person. She has friends over for dinner 1-2 times a month and dines at friends houses too. She does make up for local theatre productions, volunteers as an usher at the theatre, helps her elderly friends and much more.
My mother in law on the other hand barely left her house for years."
*Might I ask: Did you Father pass some years ago? Your Mom is mentally strong?! No Dementia? Can you pls tell your Mom I am a FAN of her!
My grandmother was the opposite. Married decades, just like my m-i-l. After a period of mourning for a few months, my grandmother got involved in all sorts of volunteer activities. Almost one for every day of the week. She made friends everywhere she went. Got more involved in church. She'd take her dog on long walks and just strike up conversations with younger people. Gardened a ton. Drove her (younger) neighbors to the doctors. People her age couldn't keep up with her. She was a whirl of activity into her mid-nineties. Sometimes I'd visit and realize I was keeping her from whatever activity or social visit she'd had planned for the afternoon!
My Husband died over 5 years ago.
I volunteer. I volunteer with the Hospice that helped me care for him for 3 years.
I keep myself busy.
I am not bored.
Does your mom have friends that she can make plans with?
The best thing, if possible can she make a "standing date" with someone? Something to do EVERY Wednesday for example. That would give her something to do, a "purpose" if you will every week.
An Animal Shelter that needs dogs to be walked, cats to be played with. Yes litter boxes to be cleaned and kennels to be hosed out, that is part of it.
A Hospital needs Volunteers.
Hospice needs Volunteers, some office work or some patient contact if she wishes.
The local Senior Center, activities and maybe even Volunteering there.
Adult Day Care, would give her something to do and connecting with others.
But if she does not want to get involved, if she wants to complain there is not much you can do. It is not your job to entertain her or see that she is entertained. When she complains about not having anything to do all you can say is..."Gee mom, that's a shame" and leave it at that.
Her weight has been out of control for decades and I always wanted her to get a healthy cooking/eating guide and make that her hobby. I even made an attempt to teach her myself what a "portion size" really is, and I was her "cook" for a period of time until I realized she was lying to me about food she was sneaking behind my back.
When she was "well", she would go out and get fast food because she was "too busy" to cook and "it's too hard to cook for one person." Nevermind my coaching on portioning.
Complains about being bored/lonely yet refuses to do anything about it. Not physically active. But she's in PT right now so she's being forced to be more active than ever. Therapist comes twice a week and an additional private aide coming twice a week to do the prescribed PT with her.
I'd drop by on my days off, and would take her to garage sales, and we'd hit the thrift shops. Occasionally go shopping together. On one outing she bought a few baby chicks and had fun with them when they started laying eggs. She built her own chicken coop, and became interested in cement work and bought some bags of cement and made a little sidewalk.
She also fed and took care of feral/stray cats that would mysteriously appear out in the country... Mom climbed up a tree to rescue an abandoned kitten, and fell out of the tree injuring herself - and that slowly started her decline. I kept the kitten and the kitten had a wonderful long life.
Mom wound up becoming interested in politics and became a political delegate for a Presidential Caucus. Her neighbor who lived 2 miles up the road was an elected official and they got her interested in politics. Being a delegate was very exciting for her.
She lived a great life until she started having strokes and then eventually lost her vision many years later. Now she's with me, she can't walk, can't see, and is often quite irritable/short tempered as she continues to decline in her late 80's. She has white matter disease which I believe has caused the change in personality.
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