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My Mom is 84 years old and was diagnosed with Dementia about 8 years ago.  Her disease is not being called Alzheimer. My two sisters and I have designated nights we spend the night with Mom. We have a caretaker that stays with her during the day. Mom doesn't really eat, two bites of pancake a day if we are lucky, drinks very little, and cannot get out of bed most of the time. She may get up, with assistance, once every few days. Today her legs gave out and she had to be lowered to the floor. The caretaker has been bathing her in bed for a month now and Mom has wore depends for a couple of years. She sleeps most of the time and stares out the window. She does know who we are, however, she recently has forgotten some of the names of the great grandkids and grandkids. Mom is down to 78 lbs. We had Mom in the ER approximately two weeks ago where she was diagnosed with a UTI and severe dehydration. I know she is already dehydrated again. We have tried to have her associated with Hospice because it is difficult to get her to her Dr. appts. to obtain her refills on her medicines. Because she still knows her name and ours, she didn't qualify for Hospice with her diagnosis of Alzheimer. They are now trying to qualify her based on her lack of nutrition.  It is so sad watching her melt away. We love our Mom, but this is no life.

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Tmarie, sadly it sounds like your Mom is failing to thrive mixed in with late Alzheimer's, thus she should be able to get Hospice care. Eating becomes too painful as the stomach no longer wants to process food.

My Mom didn't want to eat, either, she was painfully thin. Her nurse found out that if she put ice in a cup with Boost or Ensure, my Mom would drink it. As for knowing names, my Mom would always call me by name when she saw me... but one time while visiting her, she also called a couple of Aides by my name... [sigh].

Yes, it is sad watching a love one disappear before our eyes. With my Mom her passing was welcomed because she had no quality of life left.
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This is a sensitive question and I think you should talk this over with your mother's doctor because he/she can better assess your mother's health status than any of us. There are multiple variables involved in end-of-life care and it's different for every patient. You have a lot going on and you don't want to be encouraged or discouraged by someone's answer to your question. You can simply Google how long can someone live without food if you need to ease your mind.

The best you thing you can do is to just be at your mother's side as much as you can. Encourage her to drink Boost shakes, water, juice; she doesn't have to drink the full cup. Also, make sure she's isn't constipated. My mother will not eat any meals - but will drink Boost shakes, water and juice - whenever she's constipated.

Have you looked into Palliative care? If not, you should ask for an evaluation. Try to find a Palliative care agency that also does Hospice so your mother will have the same doctor. The Palliative doctor can take over all of your mother's prescriptions and order in-home labs, x-rays, etc., so your mother will not have to see outside doctors. If your mother's mobility and/or strength has given, then taking her outside to this or that doctor may not be work her so Palliative care is a good option to now consider.

My thoughts are with you during this difficult time.
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I'm sorry if I sounded harsh in that comment. I just feel your frustration as I also watched my mom waste away. She was probably under 70 pounds when she passed. I wish you and mom the very best. It is so incredibly difficult to witness.
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My goodness! Your mother should certainly be eligible for hospice care! Who told you she wasn't? Did someone from a hospice program come out and evaluate her? If not, get them to do that. If so, ask a different hospice organization to come.
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Thank you all so much. The people on this site have been very supportive and informative. We are fortunate that Mom still knows who we are. She no longer remembers my Dad's name. He passed three years ago. She is beginning to forget the names of her great grandchildren and grandchildren. I don't know if this is a result of the Alhemizers or dehydration. We still chat between her naps....she probably sleeps 20 hours a day. The caretaker that stays with Mom during the day is a blessing. Hospice will be sending a nurse twice a week to check on her and change her bandages...her skin tears so easily. I will savor each of our last conversations and "I Love You's". Thank you all once more.
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I feel so badly for you! My mom has advanced dementia and she is getting to the point where she doesn't really eat that much. I took her to the doctor recently & was told to start looking at nursing homes, because my mom refuses to move in with me.

I can imagine the struggles you are going through however, I just don't understand why Hospice won't step up to the plate. Please call them again and get your mother's doctor involved!
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My heart aches for you, wish you the best. ❤
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Thank you all for your concerns. I met with Hospice this past Tues. The issue is Medicare. Just as with insurance policies, Medicare has altered their guidelines for Admittance under Alhemizers. The Dr. referred Mom to Hospice under Alhemizers and Faliure to Thrive. Failure to Thrive is no longer a recognized diagnosis for Hospice, according to Medicare. The nurses were great and are looking for another possible reason under the permitted codes by Medicare. Lack of Nutrition is the one we are waiting to hear bk on. According to Medicare, there is a specific order of decline that is necessary for them to qualify Mom under Alhemizers. Because she knows her name, and knew where she was and our names, she doesn't qualify. Medicare claims that the complete mind is the last to go...not failure to eat and dropping to 78 lbs. It's crazy! The organization I'm working with to get her admitted are trying everything they can. Oh and freqflier, Mom use to drink a bit of the breakfast drinks but ceased from doing that totally at least six months ago. You have all been very helpful. Thank you.
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Has the doctor checked her blood sugar? Elevated blood sugar can mimic dementia and UTI symptoms (combative behavior, yelling, screaming, extreme agitation). Elevated blood sugar can be from diabetes (not yet diagnosed) or from stress or from an illness.

When deciding on treating your mother for this or that, and in this case, another UTI, consider her quality of life before and after the medical condition that lead to her being this way. Think about what her life will be like after this bout of UTI. I'm not advocating you don't treat your mother...just consider the big picture of her life will be like in the next few years. Talk it over with family... Would she want to live in her current state? Aging of the body and mind doesn't stop and another medical issue is on the horizon. It's so, so hard to make the tough choices when it comes to caring for our aging loved ones. We always want more time with them. We always want them with us.

Hugs to you...
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Careisgiving, you pulled the words right out of my mouth. Since Mom isn't eating or drinking, and is down to 78 lbs, and undernourished, I don't think the antibiotic even cured her UTI.... your body can't heal without nourishment. This and dehydration will continue. I don't plan to treat her. We have kept her in her home and have filled my Daddy's wishes. He ask that we never put her in a nursing home. My sister's and I have stayed nights for over three years now. We all work too. Mom is not "living"....she's existing. It's so sad. It's not an easy decision but I feel it's what she would want. As far as her sugar, Mom doesn't have any sugar issues. They ran all sorts of bloodwork, including that, when we took her to the ER two weeks ago. They even took chest X-rays to check for phenomena. Your input and kind words are very helpful.
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