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This is to go with my earlier question about POA or guardianship. Only the principal can pick who will be their POA. In this case, it’s my 99 yr old grandmother who is in a nursing home in another state and is so deaf she can’t hear during phone calls. Video calls aren’t that much better. My dad is her POA and has months to live (end stage cirrhosis). He can’t take care of her finances, or even his own right now, without a lot of help.


Who should inform her that she needs to pick another POA? A lawyer? A family member? The nursing home staff? My father who is so sick he only has a couple hours a day that he is awake?
I've considered writing a letter to her and asking the nursing home staff to help her read it (in case reading is difficult for her). She doesn’t have Alzheimer’s she’s just very old and deaf.


I just want to help as her bills aren’t going to get paid if my dad is unable to do it. Grandma is not on Medicaid, she pays for her care and she has assets and funds.

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Is she mentally competent? Are you certain that your father's POA doesn't have a second listed already? Almost every competent lawyer out there drawing one of these up will ask for the person who serves as a second. Check the POA. If the grandmother is competent I feel that a family member should fly there, discuss in person that Dad cannot do this anymore, and accompany her to Law Office so it can be correctly done for her future safety. This should be done in person and with assistance of family. IF there is no second, already. Hopefully there is one.
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LAnn123 Mar 2021
Nope. There is no second POA. I have a copy of it. My father & his brother (only other child of grandmother) hate each other and already things have gotten difficult. My uncle has said at first he would step up and be POA and grandma said she’d accept him IF the new POA looked like the current one. Apparently that wasn’t the case and grandma didn’t sign it. She also didn’t have the current POA to compare to. Her nursing home has it now.
instead of flying to her and speaking in person my uncle sent his POA form and nursing home provided a notary. It didn’t get signed. My uncle didn’t do what grandma asked-provide a POA similar in substance to the current one. He mentioned guardianship, then dropped it. Now he says the finances are too complicated for him to deal with. Literally nothing is happening.
at the nursing home they are only allowing visitors to talk by phone with a glass window between them-like a prison visit.
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I should add that I really don’t want to be her POA, either. I’ve already taken that on for my father from long distance. As soon as my father went into the hospital and then rehab he stopped taking care of anything. I took on his bill paying. I’ve had to bring him checks to sign to pay some of my grandmother’s bills early on but I can’t do that every month-I live in another state!
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It sounds like your Dad was able to do it long distance, so if she is competent to sign, I would suggest putting together a packet in writing with the following elements:

A cover letter saying that Dad is concerned about needing to resign from his POA duties and is willing to pass them on to you or your uncle. You would like to set an appointment to discuss this on the phone, and you plan to try at a specific date and time.

Another copy of the old POA.

Several versions of a new POA based on the old one, giving a primary and secondary POA.
Your father, then you
Your father, then your uncle.
You, then your uncle
Your uncle, then you
(Label each with a sticky note.)

Hopefully she can be encouraged to sign one with a notary and you can follow up.

You might also want to look into professional fiduciaries.
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LAnn123 Mar 2021
Thank you. My uncle has already declined having me be a secondary POA with him. He sent grandma a POA with him as primary and his wife as secondary. Grandma didn’t sign it.

my uncle was game for being POA until he found out how much work it would be. He decided that the financial stuff is too complicated.
Unfortunately, there is so much distrust between him and my father-it taints everything.
I honestly don’t think he and I can work together on this.

I wondered if adding me as a secondary POA would be easiest, if my grandmother would accept it. It would have to say we can act independently so I can pick up for my dad. I’d definitely get a CPA involved. I’ve called several attorneys about being professional fiduciaries and they all seem to shy away from it.
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