I am cleaning out closets since mom has moved out. Dealing with memories can be hard. How have you dealt with triggers?
I started purging items because I don’t like clutter. In doing so I have come across items with memories associated with my family that make me sad.
Some memories are of happier times too. Also makes me sad because my I closed the door on everything and will not reopen it due to never allowing myself to be hurt again.
Has anyone else gone through something similar? I have just been stopping the process if I find myself getting upset. I do want to complete getting everything purged and organized.
My house itself is neat. It’s closets, the pantry and cabinets that need attention. It’s so interesting about stashing things away in closets. We tend to forget about them. We certainly can fill up closets over the decades!
I have huge walk in closets, a huge hall closet, a huge walk in pantry, etc. I think it is ridiculous when you think about it. I didn’t grow up in a house with so much storage and it was fine.
I have a huge kitchen with tons of cabinets! It’s stupid to keep everything. I started giving items away to my children and thrift shops but I feel like I am never going to get the clearing out completed! I don’t want my children to deal with any of this after we die so I am determined not to neglect it any longer.
This is why I want to downsize but can’t get my husband on board because he loves this house. I love it too but I would be content in a smaller place. I just feel it makes sense to downsize as we age.
Any ideas or thoughts on this topic will be appreciated. Thanks.
I don’t see a proper category for this. There should be a miscellaneous section. I picked activities. None of these topics apply though.
9 Answers
Popular Questions
- I really want my grandmother to branch out--and to cut back the TV! Has anybody solved this problem?
- In the spirit of coping and adapting, let's share methods we've developed or read about to cope with sheltering in place.
- I feel soooo worn out and alone. What can I do to improve my non-existent life?
Related Questions
- Where do I find places so my parents can join in activities?
- I’m new here, and although I haven’t introduced myself yet, I have an odd question!
- How to help stubborn lonely grandma?
- My mother (96) lives with my sister, my husband and our 25 year-old nephew. She has dementia. We don't have enough for her to do?
The furnace room here is my worst nightmare. I moved into this house in 2002 and there are boxes in there I haven't seen since I packed them up in 2001. Sigh. It will take me a year to sort through all this crap when it does come time to move. But I plan to have an Estate Sale company come in and do a big 'Get Rid of It ALL' sale!! That's always something to consider. You can sell off as much or as little as you like; they take about 40% of the total $$.
But I digress because you weren't asking about such things.
Memories are in your heart, not in 'stuff'. Keep a few mementos, photos, things like that, and get rid of the rest of it. Sell it, donate it, put it out on the curb for the hoarders to come along & 'acquire'. Whatever. And don't attach emotions or value to any of that stuff.
And don't expect DH to help with any of this.........men are useless in most aspects of house stuff. Except for the heavy lifting and the 'honey do' list, right? LOL. Fill up the boxes and bags and ask DH to put them in the car so you can drive them to the ARC donation station. Don't go to Goodwill..........none of the $$ goes anywhere but into the CFOs pocket!!
For the New Year, start creating NEW memories for yourself and your family, not including your mother & your brothers, that is my suggestion. It can take a while to get into a new groove once the house becomes 'yours' again. So work on doing just THAT: Making it YOURS again! Go for it!
My husband does not seem concerned in the least! He likes a neat house, as do I but could care less about the storage space. Oh, and I forgot to mention the attic! Geeeez! Don’t even want to think about that one. I know there are some of the kid’s toys up there!
Lealonnie,
Did you save your children’s toys? I am scared to look in the attic. It’s not just Christmas decorations!
I love your thoughts on this. Thanks. Especially the feelings on just having two of each item! Sounds like a dream!
I still have some things of mom's here in her old bedroom (now the guest room), just some nicer clothes and costume jewellery and letters and such. I left them out in the open because I hoped sister would take an interest before I got rid of them but she has stayed over a few times and doesn't seem to even notice.
You may call it junk. But have you seen the expensive art made from upcycled stuff? Oh, I have and I do mean expensive! At our jazz and heritage fair here, we have an arts area where vendors sell their merchandise. Oh my gosh, some of the artists have created incredible items selling for hundreds and thousands of dollars!
Lealonnie and cwille, don’t you wish we could do something artsy like that and make extra cash while purging?
Carolin, the lady that helps me is a godsend. We have a 3 bag system. Garbage goes into black bags, recycling goes into blue bags and thrift shop goes into clear bags or boxes. She takes the Thrift shop at the end of each session.
For the things that trigger me, I simply tell her I am going to turn my back and she makes it disappear. It is good to have nonjudgmental help that I am not related to to help.
We meet about once a month. It is an ongoing process, but we are making progress. I am not worried about speed, I do not have a deadline.
I have heard stories about Goodwill too. Sad.
Now I donate to independent thrift shops and veterans organizations. The veteran’s organization in my area makes it so easy too. They send a truck to your home and pick up the merchandise off of your porch. All you have to do is put a tag on it for them and have it outside early in the morning.
Womens shelters accept donations and they give needy women a hand up by outfitting their house with donated items for free. That is where I like to give my unwanted stuff, that way I know it is helping someone in need and not some for profit organization.
Edit: if you have any old toys, do s quick web search and see if they have any value. I was looking up some coins today and the stuff that collector's want is from our youth.
Pictures, I still have a box of pictures that I didn't really look at. I didn't want to throw them away because I know how much I love old photos and how they feel, so I thought someday someone might find that feeling in my old photos.
Thanks for this reminder because I have not donated to them in years. I will give some items to them. I had to stop participating in that prayer group when I had mom here. It was only one day a week each session. But mom had asked me not to go in case she needed me.
A friend had invited me. I liked it. They call it a small group at their church. They picked a bible scripture to study or a Christian book that we read. We ate lunch together afterwards. It was nice.
A couple of the women in the group had lived in the shelter so it was personal to them. I wonder how those ladies are doing now. Have lost touch with them since I stopped going to the prayer group. I think I still have the list of phone numbers and email addresses that they passed out but it’s been a few years since I went. I would feel funny calling them years later. They were a lovely group of women though.
Theres a lot of techniques out there to help reprogram those triggers which are typically embedded in the unconscious mind. Generally I’ve used a type of emotional
tracking. Instead of banishing the unhappy thoughts, I feel into them with a few deep, easy breaths. The mind likes to establish control, and will make excuses not to go there as a matter of self protection. But you will not be harmed, sitting in a chair, holding an object, breathing into feelings. If you think you will be, ask a friend to sit with you. By making a practice of simply allowing the feelings, and asking your higher self why you feel that way, you are practicing self care, and you are acknowledging the inner child who just needs to express themselves and be loved. It gets easier. Non attachment is a cultivated gift of freedom.
best wishes