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I want to comfort them. One man I have developed a relationship with slightly. He forgets me every time, but we have fun somewhat. He wants out, wants help, wants to be home. I don't think he should ever be left in that bed because he will get bed sores. When they don't get him out of bed all day, he yells louder at night. The man down the hall tells him to shut up and gets into the words of hate to try to stop him from yelling.
It is not kind to any of us to ignore these people that need attention of some sort, especially those that yell REAL loud.
I am afraid to go hold their hands thinking that they won't let go.
I have helped this man who yells loudly to stop losing his food on his shirt and floor. I put the tray up closer to his shirt, but one day a worker with an attitude stopped me and pulled the tray away as if I wasn't to help at all. The bosses of her said it was okay that I help this man.
Obviously I have no dementia. A few people here don't. After all, on the weekends is when very few people show up to be of help. Shouldn't this nursing home welcome any help they get?

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So very sad...
This does not sound like a good nursing home. It is not acceptable for staff to ignore cries for help. If/when you see relative of the man who is left in bed all day, you definitely should inform them. You are a kind soul.
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This is going to sound terrible - but it is what it is. There is a sweet little lady at my FIL's nursing home - we haven't had a chance to find out her name yet - when we mention her - we literally just call her the "Help Me, Help Me" lady (we are not making fun of her, let me be clear). Because she vacillates between sitting in the communal tv room yelling for help, or rolling her wheelchair down the hall, yelling for help - to having very sweet conversations with other residents and the nurses. I have seen the nurses say to her "You are fine hon. " and go back to work half a dozen times in 20 minutes. And she will stop. And 10-15 minutes later she will start again. That isn't sustainable if they have to do that all of her waking hours.

In all of FIL's rehab visits - and they have been numerous - (there have been at least 15 that I can remember) - they have all been shared facilities with nursing homes. And I cannot remember a single one that did not have at least one resident that did not yell for help multiple times throughout each visit, that did it because they had dementia or ALZ, not because they genuinely needed emergent help.

Unfortunately - when people have Dementia or ALZ or other mental illnesses even - this is not uncommon. And while it is very sweet of you to be concerned, it is also impossible for them to respond to every single cry like that. And they KNOW which residents do that and which ones don't. They aren't ignoring pleas for actual help. Not really. And there may be other things going on that you are not privy to that may also be going on.

If you want to help - and I find that commendable - you may want to ask the staff what you can do to be helpful to both the residents and to them. What things you can do to be of a comfort to the other residents, that won't get in the way of the staff or interfere with protocols that may be in place for certain residents.

As far as less help on the weekends - that is very common in nursing homes. It is much easier to find staff who want to work during the week. Even 3rd shift. Far more difficult to find staff who really wants to work consistently on weekends.

Remember that the staff there are doing their best to provide balanced and consistent care to a large number of people with a wide spectrum of needs. And they can't be everywhere at once. And just because something looks one way - it doesn't mean it actually is. And honestly - I'm not really sure what you are expecting them to do about the people who are yelling. They can't make them stop. And they don't actually need help. Short of sedating them 24 hours a day, which I don't think they can do, they are doing what they can do - which is to let them live in peace in the home they live in. And it is very unfortunate that it disturbs other residents. But it is also unfortunately part of the disease.
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Beatty May 2023
I've met quiet a few folk who say Help Help Help Help in a loop. Sometimes they stop for a while when a friendly face is talking to them.. sometimes not. One heard the name of a staff member called Helen overnight & then called Helen Helen Helen all day everyday instead.

It's sad, but it sort of like a crying baby when you've fed, burped, changed, checked their temp, sang, cuddled, rocked them. You're out of 'help' options to try. So you ensure they are safe & just hope they settle.
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Thats very sad and frustrating. Many places are short staffed, unfortunately.

I think you helping is great. You have a great heart and should continue to spread support.
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You have made it clear to us that you have no dementia, PureEnergy. But bright as you are, and as computer literate as you are, I know that you will be cognizant that many in the nursing home DO have dementia.

Often, in advanced dementia, the mind goes in a sort of circular and repetitive journey in which some certain sentences such as "help me, help me", or "take me home, take me home" become a sort of litany that the person him or herself is almost not aware of. Some have more complete sentences building to a paragraph, or even a short "story" of their life: one they repeat over and over again.

That you are attempting to be helpful to others is lovely, and I would imagine that MOST workers appreciate it, but it's typical of nursing home staff that they are often understaffed and overwhelmed, especially at bath time or meal time or bed time.

It's kind of you to provide what solace you can to others; I imagine it was always your way throughout your life. I wish you the very best. I would imagine many there are grateful for your kindness.
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Unfortunately this is quite common. My MIL lived across the corridor in her NH from a man who shouted ‘help help help’ every minute or so, for hours and hours unless he was asleep. He didn’t need any help, at least no help that he wasn’t already getting.Yes, there are people who want to go ‘home’ when it’s impossible (or when ‘home’ may be their childhood home, long since gone). Some people with AD have something they repeart all the time without even realising what it means. Perhaps there may be a few people who have indeed been incarcerated against their will, and are quite capable of living elsewhere, but they are rare.

If you can give your friend some comfort, you are doing a great job. But think carefully, and talk to the staff, before deciding that your friend is being mistreated.

My own sister was in hospital very recently, and had a guy like this across the corridor from her. Her reaction was that he shouldn’t be in a standard hospital making all that disturbance. You may think the same about ‘shouldn’t be’ in a standard nursing home or AL facility, but the fact is that there is nowhere else for those people to go. Your, Margaret xxx
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When I would visit mom in rehab I would hear old women saying, “Help me! Help Me!” It is very sad. They were obviously afraid of something. I suppose they had Alzheimer’s disease and who knows what was going through their minds.
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MargaretMcKen May 2023
No, they aren't really "obviously afraid of something", except possibly in a disturbed mind. They may not even register that they are calling out.
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Some people are going to yell, sing, plead for help, call for a loved one or just make sounds and unfortunately that may be normal for them. You are right though that it sometimes means they are distressed or have an unmet need, and in my opinion staff should be at the least checking on them and attending to their physical comfort.... I also agree that people shouldn't be left in bed unless they are acutely ill.

I'm sorry this is causing you so much distress and I don't have any good solution for you, because this is a system you are powerless to change it may be best for you to detach and attend to your own needs as much as possible 😔🤗
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Thanks to everybody for giving your answers. Just needed to know that I am not alone with my opinions.
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PureEnergy,

Are these help calls in normal Tone, pitch and volume? Is there something else routine? I would not worry about it then.

Im more worried about your exposure to this sound, frankly. You should not expect a screamer as your roommate, nor be subjected to it.
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You are a lovely soul for caring for these other people. I think if you can offer anyone near you company or comfort you absolutely should. It obviously will benefit you as well as them. I hope you are being well taken care of, you deserve it and more. My love to you.
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