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If my BIL wasn't in a AL facility 4 hours away from home, I would visit him more and be more involved with his care plan.


I think this would make things better for BIL and everyone else involved with his care. What are your thoughts? How would you handle this?

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You simply mention to those in charge, I take it his wife and family, that this is the case, and you feel you could be of more support if he were more near you. Then offer the support you CAN be to them, and the limits that the four hours puts on you and will more so in future as you cannot make such trips. Then it is all up to them. Say it once. It is not in your control I assume; so just say it once.
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worriedinCali Aug 2019
I don’t think he has a wife Alva.....the OPs other posts explain the entire situation.
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I think I see other posts now as was suggested I look for. It comes down to has POA. Without power there is nothing whatsoever you can do but suggest. If that suggestion is now acceptable, move on and move away from the issue. There is nothing you can do but provide what support you are able given the limits.
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haileybug Aug 2019
AlvaDeer

Thanks for your response. I do not have to have POA.
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The problem here is not the BIL. If I was isolated from all my family I would have an anger problem too. Turning upside down and round and round.
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Have you checked out, and followed up the insurance covering his stay?
I do not know how you could do that, but I have just heard of a snafu from someone who
1) does have POA for this loved one;
2) the care providers were difficult if not impossible to get on board or obtain a new doctor;
3) turns out the HMO does not "really" provide services in the area where person was moved to;
4) the ex-spouse was the primary insured, putting a kabash on treatment.

So, is it possible, that the insurance is messed up, and he cannot be moved closer to you?

Just a thought.
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haileybug Aug 2019
Sendhelp

Thank you for your response.
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My question isn't how did you keep him, rather why did you take him back to the facility?

If you had him you could have given notice and requested records. Then you could find a place that is closer to you or keep him in your home.

If you could take him once, why not go get him, demand his records and then you in complete control and can do whatever you want done.
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haileybug Aug 2019
Isthisrealyreal

Thank you for replying. I had no other choice but to take him back. My husband is not able to care for him due to his own health issues.

We have already been to every nursing facility closer to home and no one will accept him. We've even tried to explain that he has doctors closer to home that know how to treat him overnight (they are excellent team of doctors) but no one will listen.
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