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It’s sporadic…sometimes he’s fine with me. Yet I asked him what my name was and he couldn’t tell me. When he’s sundowning, he’ll say he wants to go home to his wife. Yet he can’t say where that is or his “wife’s” name. I just try to distract him, but that’s difficult at times.



I realize it’s the progression of his Alzheimer’s, yet I’m still having difficulty with this. We have no friends or family to assist, so it’s just he and I. I do belong to caregiver support groups…they help a lot. And the Dr has put me on an antidepressant last year.



Still, any tips or help on how to cope will be appreciated.

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Gotta be so hard. I wouldn't ask him to tell you your name anymore. It's only hard on both of you.

When he asks to go home to his wife, answer with something very vague. Like, 'I'll have to try to get in touch with her later and see what we can figure out."

While this is very hard, you are going to have to come to terms with this being your new normal. Glad that you are going to a support group. That can be VERY helpful. If he becomes too agitated with his sundowners, you might talk to his doctor about a small anti-anxiety med to help keep him calmer.

Have you thought about maybe moving into assisted living so that you can be together but you can get some needed help?
So sorry that you are going through this.
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At my fathers funeral, I encountered many cousins I had not seen for 30 to 40 years. It was hard to process that these people in their 60s were my slightly older peer group in childhood as I struggled momentarily to align between what they were, and what they are.

In your dh’s case, you are sometimes the version of you in 1982, which you can never be, but he still appears calm with u. I would ask him to tell you all about his wife, even if it was from then.
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I’m so sorry you’re both going through this, how sad to have your spouse not recognize you and be so confused. Does your husband attend an adult day program at least a few days a week so you can both have some time to yourselves away from the bubble of each other?
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Donttestme Aug 2023
I’m looking into a senior companion for him. There’s a daycare but it’s kinda far, so not too convenient to take him, go back home, go back and pick him up and then home again.
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I'm sure it is very hard when he doesn't know who you are. Has he been diagnosed with Capgras syndrome? That sometimes is associated with dementia.
We have 2 ladies in my local caregiver support group who are dealing with their husbands who have Capgras syndrome on top of dementia, and it can be very scary for both parties.
I'm so glad that you're involved with a caregiver support group. Mine literally saved my life while I was caring for my late husband, and I still attend to now help others as they go through their journeys.
Does your husband attend an Adult Daycare Center? Those are Godsends for both the person with dementia and their loved one. You can bring them up to 5 days a week and up to 8 hours a day. They serve breakfast lunch and a snack plus provide all kinds of activities including showering.
Yes there is a cost, and if you can't afford it they do offer some financial assistance as well.
You just need to make sure that you're taking care of yourself along this journey as it is the hardest thing you will ever do. And putting him in the daycare or hiring in-home help will allow you time to get away for yourself which is so very important.
And if your husband is a veteran make sure you're checking with the VA as they offer what is called Aid and Assistance, which would be helpful to you as well.
And remember if things get to be just too much for you it's ok to have him eventually placed in a memory care facility. That way you can get back to just being his loving wife and advocate.
I wish you the very best as you travel this very hard path with your sweet husband.
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Donttestme Aug 2023
He doesn’t have Capgras…he doesn’t think I’m an imposter. He just has Alzheimer’s.

We have a daycare, but it’s fairly far and it’d be a lot of driving for me to drop him off, go home, pick him up and go home again. We live in a rural area and it’s not an easy drive to the daycare. I’m looking into a service that may take him. However he doesn’t seem to want to do things without me.

Financially any facility will take most of our money. My SS isn’t enough for me to live on, so we will be avoiding facilities for as long as possible.
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This is very difficult. When my mom started to forget me, I used distraction. It did not always work. When she would talk about her daughter, (me), I would ask her to tell me about her daughter. Pretty soon she would get lost in the story and move on to something else,

It is hard when it is parent and child but I cannot imagine the stress of caring for your spouse.

Prayers and hugs!
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Donttestme Aug 2023
Thank you. I’ll try to have him tell me about his wife and see where it goes.

With dementia, what worked yesterday, didn’t work today, but might work tomorrow. You really have to go with the flow (not my strong suit).
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(((HUG)))
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Donttestme Aug 2023
Thank you. Dementia is so very cruel.
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