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She has the beginning stages of dementia she is 84 years old but is in great physical shape and still cooks drives does the laundry, but forgets to take her vitamins and thyroid pill. I need to have somebody at night because she doesn’t like sleeping alone in the house. My dad just passed away in April and this has not been easy. They were married 60 years so on top of the dementia she is grieving for my dad. Please help -signed a desperate son wanting help for his mom

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Sunset, first my heartfelt sympathy on the passing of your Dad. Your Mom must really feel lost.

Please note that an active RN would rather work in a hospital or doctor office setting where she would be getting a salary, health insurance, money placed into Medicare/Social Security, and other benefits. And go home after work and be refreshed for the next day.

Unless you are looking for a Golden Girl situation. Maybe someone who is semi-retired or still employed looking for free room in exchange for doing some things around the house and helping Mom for awhile since Mom mainly needs to know that there is someone in the house.

If Mom needs more than what you had mentioned, majority would want a salary as one would need money for food, clothing, doctor/dentist appointments, medications, car maintenance, gasoline and insurance, etc. Some social security checks aren't enough to help with every day cost.

Please note, any time is there an employee in the house on a regular basis, and the person isn't through an Agency, your Mom or you would need to contact Mom's insurance carrier, as one would need to purchase a "workman's comp" policy in case the employee gets hurt on the job. If there is no pay, then purchase something like an "umbrella policy" for the same reason, or whatever the carrier recommends.
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Tough call. RN is going to want to be paid because she (or he), would be living in a strangers home and not really living his/her life. In other words, their life would be on hold.

I'm so sorry about your dad
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My apologies, I sometimes post knee jerk reactions because of my own experience caring for my mom and her hubby.

The twisted sissies thought free room and board was enough compensation for caring for my mom. I had my own bills, house and all the expenses that go along with that. I could not live in my home, mom needed 24/7 care, that was me. Stepdad paid me from the very beginning for what I did for him.

Did twisteds ever volunteer to give me time away, or stay for a week? Nope, not a chance. So, not a clue how difficult this was. Led to them reporting me to APS for exploitation of my mom. There was no such thing occurring and TS's knew it, one of them was mom's POA. Then I got an attorney and a three year legal battle, that I won. Back pay was ordered by the court, a minimal amount especially when you consider what a live-in or facility would have cost.

SC, make some calls to try to find what mom needs. Contact the Area Agency on Aging, have your mom assessed to determine the level of care she needs. Then ask the for assistance in locating help for her.
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polarbear Jun 2019
glad- I'm applauding and cheering (belatedly) your court battle victory over the twisted sissies. No one knows how hard it is to caregive unless they actually do it, live it and breathe it.
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I'm sorry and really would like for your question settled. I am appauled at some of the remarks made by ones on this forum.
If your mother has dementia, then I would also focus on this as well.
It may not be a good idea to have any stranger stay with her at night. Consider this...get mother evaluated by a geriactric doctor and work from this. She may be ready for an assisted living where they will be able to care for her and keep her safe 24/7. Hope you can get this settled for your Mom.
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Sunsetcliff - if you just need someone strictly at night to keep her company, then you may just need a watcher or a sitter. If you live near a college, maybe free rent will entice some college students.

Two college students can take turn to stay home at night so that your mother won't be by herself. I suggest two students because one person can't be home every night of the week for months on end. Everyone needs a life. Being stuck at home with a dementia patient is like being stuck in a psych ward. No one enjoys it. The work should be strictly to keep an eye on your mother and call you if there's a problem. When your mother sleeps, the watchers should go sleep, too, not stay up all night to watch her.

If you need other things done like cooking, cleaning, etc. then you need to pay extra or hire a weekly house keeper to do those chores.
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"Free rent in exchange for taking care of my mom" is included in the title of the OP's question. Sorry, but the idea that there are people (women) who must want to caregive strangers for free waiting around . . . It bugs.

Sunsetcliffs, I apologize if I was overly harsh to you. If your mom truly only needs a meds reminder and someone in the home at night, you might want to see if your county has a housing program matching elders who want housemates for reduced rent.

Best wishes to you, and my condolences for the loss of your father.
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Ok, so do this. Contact your local area on aging agency, it will named something similar if not that very name. Talk to them about available options. Where are you located?

Here you go
https://www.sandiegocounty.gov/content/sdc/hhsa/programs/ais.html
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I think some of you are being unfair. The OP is asking a question and thats what the forum is for. Their are some people who have just SS and may not mind being a live in for nights. She said Mom can still do for herself. Have u thought the woman has no money and OP is trying to find a solution to a problem.
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worriedinCali Jun 2019
Disagree because the OP specifically said an RN is preferred. They want someone skilled and educated, not someone living off a small SS check.
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Sorry, but even a CNA would not work for that little. Does your mother have any money to pay for her care? If a nursing home is needed, would she qualify for medicaid? Do you have durable POA to manage her finances and Medical POA to made medical decisions in her behalf if she can't?

One alternative would be to hire 3 CNA's to work in 8 hour shifts throughout the week.

If she in only the begging stage of dementia and you don't have these two documents she may still be competent enough to sign them? She needs for you to have these if you don't already.
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I don't think it is fair to berate the OP for his request - we all needed to learn the ropes somewhere along the way.

I can remember many years ago when my grandmother first started to need more help that I too thought some nice young woman might be able to live with her in exchange for a modest salary and room & board. I felt all she needed was a little companionship and and extra pair of hands because I saw my gmother as a strong, mostly capable woman and I loved her unconditionally.
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Once again someone writes in looking for a caregiver/slave just as I happen to be doing a week of total 24/7 solo while my sibling is out of town, and so I must reprise my previous answer to this sort of question: your best bet would be to look into hiring someone who is on the run from the law, or maybe hiding from the Mafia. No one else would think it worth it to WORK FOR FREE stuck in a house caring for an elder all day.

So start scouting out ex-cons, drug dealers on the outs with the narco-traffickers, etc.

I'm sorry to be sarcastic but this question is insulting to caregivers.

Sheesh!
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gladimhere Jun 2019
And must pick cotton, too!😡
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This is tricky. You might find someone, but if you want care for your mom, there should be payment and you must make sure taxes and social security are paid out of the salary. Complicated! There are companies that will hook people up to share a home, but they do not find someone who would offer care for one of the people, only shared responsibilities for the home. Through an agency you could get someone to spend the night as a caregiver, then add hours as the dementia progresses. Or maybe see what you can find out on care.com.
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We see this question/proposal often, so excuse my rude and politically incorrect response. Do you want this person to do housework, med administration, cooking, snow shoveling, grocery shopping and errand and doctor appointments?

If you were to hire this person through an agency the cost would be $10,000.00 a month easily. Is the free rent and food also included? You might be able to find someone but you need to check with an elder law attorney and possibly a labor attorney. This person will be an employee of mom's and it needs to be setup correctly to keep out of legal trouble with labor laws. A live in caregiver is considered an employee by the IRS and must be paid with appropriate deductions.
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mollymoose Jun 2019
He said she drives & cooks. He just wants someone to remind her to take her meds & to be in the house at night because his mom is afraid to sleep in the house alone.
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You really don't need an RN. An RN would cost you at least $40 an hour and that depends on the area u live in.

My Aunt had no credentials and work nightshift in a ladies home just so someone was there. Call u local Office of Aging. They may have a list. But unless the person is retired and on SS, even though they live there, they will want to be paid. Call Medicaid and see if Mom qualifies for homecare.
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Wouldnt we all.
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This is risky to put out such an announcement to general public. My recommendation is to check with reputable state certified organizations. Medicare or DHS may present you with a list. Medicare may even pay for it.
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JoAnn29 Jun 2019
Medicare does not pay for homecare. Medicaid may.
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The best you can hope for is an older woman who is looking for a companion and a way to cut down on her own expenses, no RN will be willing to work for rent, in fact caregivers generally get rent plus pay.
(If you do find someone to take you up on your offer remember, you get what you pay for)
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